o2b
I have had a pretty weird life. As one counselor told me, "Tony, your level of trauma is profound. You have no idea how profound it is." Just a lot of shit happened and the events seem too coordinated to not be orchestrated in some way.
A lot of sexual trauma. I am completely unable to think myself viable with women unless I am experiencing a women in a romantic capacity (an emotional connection) within which I can experience a lot of viability. But, left to myself? No way. Nothing.
There is sexual trauma that is quite personal that well explains much of my psyche, which is highly conflicted. Like my authentic self is in a state of innate psychic conflict which really sucks.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and a cyclical depression (referred to as dysthymia), each at levels qualifying for meds. I have experienced ptsd episodes with women, including in relationship with. Sometimes pretty bad.
I have always been extremely sensitive. As an example, we would go on family fishing vacations and I remember this time these fishers had their caught fish on lines as they did not fillet them right away. I just watched their gills flap back and forth and it killed me. Or this other time I was maybe 7 and I was with boys who were smoking out gopher holes. I pretended to enjoy it, but I was dying inside.
I was always a whopper of a space cadet, hugely absent-minded.
My ability to take red pills is stratospheric.
I love animals.
I am a near recluse. But, given venue, I can easily be social.
As an adult, I got into Christianity and I am positively obsessed with Christian gospel theory, which I eventually realized no one is. I believe God has given me revolutionary gospel insights. I'll explain one to explain my epitath.
(Sorry for the length, I don't know how to adequately explain if shorter.)
Love is everything and ultimately conquers all. God does ultimately "find" everyone since love is a compulsive force with respect to reason, once sufficient revelation is provided.
The end of this existence is a matter of condition. A people must be holy and survive the experience of feeling completely evil. Of course, a dilemma is that no one is close to holy.
I have this expression, "We are all just a bunch of 1.5's." Meaning if 100 represented perfect holiness and 0 (zero) perfect evil, that is where I think we are.
So how in the world can a whole population teleport from the topography of 1.5-land to 100's? Quite a shift!
I have to leave tons out, but Christ had to feel completely evil and as a consequence experience every painful feeling one can experience as a natural consequence of perceiving oneself to be evil - feelings such as shame and guilt. This is how He became We. He also triumphed by faith within the ordeal.
The reason we presently cannot be made holy is because the process would be too painful. We would despair.
In the last days, a people will perceive others in the realm of feeling.
Jeremiah 31:22
"How long will you gad about, O you backsliding daughter? For the Lord has created a new thing in the earth - A woman [perception in the realm of feeling] shall encompass [be the dominant facet of this last day experience] a man [reason, understanding]."
At that point, they will experience a quick progression of beholding moral good. This will include perceiving the expression of love in the realm of feeling (like compassion). When they are then beset with intense levels of feelings such as shame, they will see Christ bear that exact same level of shame, perceive His victory within that burden, and His victory will enable theirs. (In other words, they must be crucified with Christ.)
Now they can be made holy.
But, the realm of feeling is explosive. There is a needed preparation. Elijah, the greatest of prophets, must come first. Elijah is a sufficient level of understanding. With any misconceptions, such as a false view of God, access to perception in the realm of feeling would be fatal. The feelings would be misinterpreted.
This explains the long season of moral futility. Love isolated to understanding is simply not all that transforming. Love expressed in the realm of feeling is far more transforming.
John 11:35-36
35 Jesus wept. 36 Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!”
(But, they did not "see" His feelings, they interpreted what He felt through the physical senses.)
So, I am here to bring about the coming of Elijah. That is it. That is my purpose here. I have no other. I would never think to believe that I have attained to whatever that level looks like. I just try to advance it. God knows, that is sufficient.
All that I wrote was given me. So, with my epitath, I was not kidding in the least.
A lot of sexual trauma. I am completely unable to think myself viable with women unless I am experiencing a women in a romantic capacity (an emotional connection) within which I can experience a lot of viability. But, left to myself? No way. Nothing.
There is sexual trauma that is quite personal that well explains much of my psyche, which is highly conflicted. Like my authentic self is in a state of innate psychic conflict which really sucks.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and a cyclical depression (referred to as dysthymia), each at levels qualifying for meds. I have experienced ptsd episodes with women, including in relationship with. Sometimes pretty bad.
I have always been extremely sensitive. As an example, we would go on family fishing vacations and I remember this time these fishers had their caught fish on lines as they did not fillet them right away. I just watched their gills flap back and forth and it killed me. Or this other time I was maybe 7 and I was with boys who were smoking out gopher holes. I pretended to enjoy it, but I was dying inside.
I was always a whopper of a space cadet, hugely absent-minded.
My ability to take red pills is stratospheric.
I love animals.
I am a near recluse. But, given venue, I can easily be social.
As an adult, I got into Christianity and I am positively obsessed with Christian gospel theory, which I eventually realized no one is. I believe God has given me revolutionary gospel insights. I'll explain one to explain my epitath.
(Sorry for the length, I don't know how to adequately explain if shorter.)
Love is everything and ultimately conquers all. God does ultimately "find" everyone since love is a compulsive force with respect to reason, once sufficient revelation is provided.
The end of this existence is a matter of condition. A people must be holy and survive the experience of feeling completely evil. Of course, a dilemma is that no one is close to holy.
I have this expression, "We are all just a bunch of 1.5's." Meaning if 100 represented perfect holiness and 0 (zero) perfect evil, that is where I think we are.
So how in the world can a whole population teleport from the topography of 1.5-land to 100's? Quite a shift!
I have to leave tons out, but Christ had to feel completely evil and as a consequence experience every painful feeling one can experience as a natural consequence of perceiving oneself to be evil - feelings such as shame and guilt. This is how He became We. He also triumphed by faith within the ordeal.
The reason we presently cannot be made holy is because the process would be too painful. We would despair.
In the last days, a people will perceive others in the realm of feeling.
Jeremiah 31:22
"How long will you gad about, O you backsliding daughter? For the Lord has created a new thing in the earth - A woman [perception in the realm of feeling] shall encompass [be the dominant facet of this last day experience] a man [reason, understanding]."
At that point, they will experience a quick progression of beholding moral good. This will include perceiving the expression of love in the realm of feeling (like compassion). When they are then beset with intense levels of feelings such as shame, they will see Christ bear that exact same level of shame, perceive His victory within that burden, and His victory will enable theirs. (In other words, they must be crucified with Christ.)
Now they can be made holy.
But, the realm of feeling is explosive. There is a needed preparation. Elijah, the greatest of prophets, must come first. Elijah is a sufficient level of understanding. With any misconceptions, such as a false view of God, access to perception in the realm of feeling would be fatal. The feelings would be misinterpreted.
This explains the long season of moral futility. Love isolated to understanding is simply not all that transforming. Love expressed in the realm of feeling is far more transforming.
John 11:35-36
35 Jesus wept. 36 Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!”
(But, they did not "see" His feelings, they interpreted what He felt through the physical senses.)
So, I am here to bring about the coming of Elijah. That is it. That is my purpose here. I have no other. I would never think to believe that I have attained to whatever that level looks like. I just try to advance it. God knows, that is sufficient.
All that I wrote was given me. So, with my epitath, I was not kidding in the least.
- Birthday
- May 5
- Website
- https://www.whoville.com
- Location
- middle of nowhere, South Dakota
- In descending order, which 6 things could you never do without?
- 1. God.
2. Moral good such as love and hope.
3. Purpose, meaning.
4. Access to His Word.
5. Productivity (such as exercise, study, chores).
6. Relationship.
7. My evenings of disengaged downtime (always with cannabis and a couple beers). I get buzzed, but never wasted.
- What would be your epitaph?
- Tony helped usher in the end of this existence of pain.
- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4w5
- Gender
- Male
- Occupation
- retired
Signature
Founder of Iconoclasts Anonymous
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