Are any of you guys subjected to a similar social situation?

N

namiasdf

Newbie
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
Social Type 3
As INFJ's we tend to be extremely caring, and background leaders.
We don't open up unless we feel like that person is genuine and deserves our care.

So at school events, I generally shut down. I show up because my friends love it when I actually come out. I just recently broke up with my ex, so it's probably best that I got some distraction in.
The thing is, every one of my introductions are similar to this.

"Hey, this is ______. If he doesn't talk to you, don't take it personally, he doesn't really like anyone."

And I get this a lot, from the people whom grow to love me after knowing me for a while.

"For the longest time I thought you hated me, I didn't know what to do."

I exert a high level of presence in the lives of my friends, mentoring them, leading them and just in general letting them know I care for them, their future and their dreams.
I wish I could be more open, but it would seem that I tend to have this extremely antisocial persona.

The irony is that I get more attention than the people trying to get attention at these things. Everyone is basically baffled, and there is this one guy, (the type that hits on anything with legs, and uses the "asshole" persona in... Engineering.. Haha) and is quite bitter that this happens.


I was just wondering if my analysis and conclusion that my INFJ personality type has created this social situation for me, is at least partially correct.
Or am I just pulling random correlations out of my ass.

Cheers.
 
Same thing happens to me.
 
I'll get a mix of reactions. Some people think that I'm pretty friendly, and at other times those same people get freaked out when they see me by myself on a bus looking "pissed" in their own words. ^^ It really depends on the person and situation. I tend to be more warm and open to people nervous in a new environment because I can relate to that feeling myself. For those that are a bit more confident in themselves, I can be off-putting, quiet and serious. In group settings, I can defer to another person's leadership if I feel that they are capable of getting the job done. If no such person arises, then I'll step in that 'leadership' role even though it's really not my preference.

As for attention, well respect can go a long way. I've had people talk behind my back for whatever reason and the people who were listening have stepped up for me even though I didn't know them very well. I guess they just respect you more than the "asshole" persona guy you mentioned. ^^
 
Haha you basically just have said how I am always.
I take leadership when leadership is needed, but I always will allow other people to take that role if they are willing to take it.

And I can relate to the talking to the nervous people.
I tend to pull those people off and talk to them 1v1.
And I know I'm 100% confident in a 1v1 situation, but in a group situation I completely shut down.

I've just recently recognized this irony in my life, that I don't try to be popular, but it just happens.
It's also funny to see the jealousy that arises, because the only people I alienate away from are the insecure, non-genuine people, like this guy.
 
if you wish to be more open, force yourself to smile and often. and force yourself into small talk with anyone who will engage you (as painful as that sounds). like anything, it takes practice.
 
Haha small talk is terrifying though.
I speak with efficiency and my small talk skills are almost none.
Even when I'm drunk, I find it difficult, especially with girls.
I like hide from them >.>
 
Used to happen, then I learnt how to talk to people despite my beliefs at the time. I still hate small talk but its needed.
 
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