Break ups

N

namiasdf

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MBTI
INFJ
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How do you deal with these as an INFJ.
INFJ's are complete and total lovers, so right now, regardless of how the relationship went, I committed 100% to her.
I am a male btw.

It just hurts a lot.
I don't know if she feels the same way, but we were ready to share a future together, but her depression (yes we're fixers lol) just made it impossible for any communication to happen.
So things were bound to fail.

But it still hurts.
I can't eat or sleep.
I need to focus extremely hard not to get into these depressive states where I start thinking about her.

I know I need to make a real effort to be happy and to distract myself with friends.
I have a lot of friends who care about me, and my family too.
That's probably why I'm passed the extremely painful panic stage.

This was also my first love.


(i.e. When will I be able to sleep. I don't dream about her, but I get maybe 3-4 hours of sleep and I can sleep again because she's the first thing on my mind)
 
you put aside an hour at a time to think about her, to write her a letter she will never read or draw her a picture she will never see.
 
it will just go away out of nowhere.

might not seem like it now, cuz you're hurting. but trust me, eventually, it will.
 
keep up the good work. hanging out with your friends is awesome.

i think i lost a little bit of mental sanity after every major break-up, but yeah, sublimation works. get creative like [MENTION=1814]invisible[/MENTION] said.

i'd play video games (a really good RPG i can get lost in) and go swimming.
 
I like using the "out of sight, out of mind" concept. Collect all of the items that remind you of her, or at least the ones that strongly remind you of her and store them in a box and someplace where you come across infrequently.

Rely on your friends as outlets and/or distractions when you need, and let them know what you require at that time when you meet them ("I need to vent" or "I need to think of something else"). You've mentioned this earlier which is a good sign. ^^

Venting can be good initally to let out stuff that we tend to keep inside as INFJs. After a certain point in time when we get bored of it, or think that we can be doing something more productive with ourselves, try to keep busy with things that will help improve yourself as a person. Learn something new like a hobby, skill or a sport. Also work on aspects of yourself that will help in future relationships that you come across.

Personally, I like using music as well to help with these kinds of situations. Try to find some music that is different that the songs that you've listened to during your time in the relationship. Choose songs that will help satisfy the above needs.

And in the end, as others here mentioned, just give it time. Some people suggest that it takes about half the length of the relationship to get over it. I'm currently one year into my post-breakup period of a five year relationship. It's been my third "longer term" relationship though so I think I've gotten better at handling these situations with expereince. ^^
 
Thanks for the advice guys.
I was also hanging on to the fact that I would be abandoning her by letting go.
It still bothers me that she will continue to be stuck in her ways, but there's nothing I can do.
As an "F" it is still hard for me to logically let go, damn my heart.

I am at the point where I realize we aren't compatible.
I put my foot forward and offered her friendship, for whenever she might be ready, if that happens.
I still care about her, but I know that being in a relationship with her was extremely unhealthy.

I should probably write those letters, as it lets me vent out a lot. My friends are a very good venting service, but I just dont' want to exhaust them. I am a very needy person >.>.

For me, I lost all my hobbies as I fell in love with her while listening to various songs that invoked those emotions. Now I gotta blacklist a bunch of songs on my playlist and I lost my main time consumer as well to this effect. (World of Warcraft).

So I'm just trying to reestablish my life, in that school is my main focus. I just hope I can reach a status quo where I do not have to deal with dynamic elements to keep myself happy (i.e. hanging out with friends, instead of recharging at home). This is going to be a very exhaustive time for the introvert in me, to stay happy and functional.
 
With my first love, when it all came crashing down, I went through a week of agonising internal pain where I felt I was completely helpless. It happened during my GCSE exams. After that, things got easier as I didn't talk to him as much. This was a year ago and I still don't think I'm over him. Ugh.
 
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