Casper the friendly ghost...

G

grt$5vb

Banned
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
4w/5 sx/sp
Okay, I am a protector to my very core, but not in a bullying way. I am feeling much misunderstood by even close friends, kinda like how Casper was always trying to help someone & show them compassion, but as soon as they looked at him they got scared & ran for their lives. He was a ghost, his ways were unknown to them...

I digress... last night I was outside a club waiting for our party bus to pick us up & noticed a guy not with our group appeared to be harassing a male friend of mine, I wanted to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand, because I feared violence would occur. I walked over & put my body in between both men, and looked deeply at them both. it turned out that the man was trying to entice my buddy to purchase cocaine, which this friend has a particular weakness for, & he was trying very hard to resist. I touched my friend's shoulders and led him away from the dealer, who began arguing with another drunk member of our group. I stayed w/ my friend & made it my mission to soothe him through such a difficult temptation. Another member came up & screamed at my friend, who was speaking openly about his urge to purchase the drug, "Not in our house!" I kept my hands on my friend's shoulders & said, "It's okay... he's okay..."

I stood with him, rubbing his shoulders & listening to him refer to cocaine as the "love of his life." I met his gaze & smiled sadly. My roommate, his cousin, came over & asked me why I was all over him, and he then replied, "She's on ecstacy, or something!" Now, he IS married, but his wife is our friend, as well, & she jokingly asked me to keep an eye on him when she left.

I guess I'm just wondering why I was made to feel so weird about quietly helping take care of someone. I was trying to meet his needs. After they scolded me, I took my hands off him & asked if I was making him uncomfortable, and he said no. I should also say, he is super affectionate toward women friends when drinking, but I always get a totally harmless vibe from him & he has never made me feel uncomfortable, which is saying a lot for me. I care about him & feel such empathy toward him, but feel I am being misunderstood for having a crush. Sigh...

Holla if you feel me...
 
Holla....

I can't count the number of times that my compassion or teasing manner has been mistaken for serious flirtation by the SO of someone else. I'm always stunned when confronted about it.

I can only assume these other people are quite insecure and perceive me as a threat. I'm really not, but I guess no one ever sees the real me, so how would they know?

Wish I had advice for you, but I'm afraid I can only empathize...
 
I personally stay away from crowds like that. I am not dissing anyone for going clubbing or anything, and I am under-aged to do so so in a sense it's a good thing I don't, but I don't find that the 'clubbing' environment suites my needs and the type of situations and people who enjoy getting wasted or doing drugs really don't appeal to me. Again, I am not being judgmental to your situation but the reason I am bringing this up is because I think it is relevant to your inquiry.

I would have to say a factor in the reason the issue was treated this way might be directly influenced by the type of people and the situation you were in. I don't think that you should take anything that happened personally, because having been around drugs and alcohol and partying and whatnot it serves to unhealthy situations. The whole dealing thing and your friend getting upset about it and you trying to comfort them and then other people being critical of this, it's a bad situation, and I think because you're in the middle of a bad situation you are going to get bad results. I'm not sure what else to tell you, but if these were my friends, I wouldn't be out clubbing with them--and also, if I was, I'd leave a situation like this where people were being offered drugs because it's not good to get involved in things like that. I would trust that my friends can take care of themselves/it's their lives, etc. and touching someone to try to comfort them is all fine and dandy but people whom are under the influence are going to have different perceptions of things and I believe that's probably what went wrong there. I wouldn't personally be touchy feely with anyone because, that's just not the type of person I am, and I also dislike seeing other people do it or having it done to me so I don't know what I can say on that part.
 
I just wanted to add that this has also happened to me when in school and other social situations, not just out partying.

I have cut a lot of people out of my life to avoid this, or have been cut out of theirs because of it. And sometimes it's just been for verbally commiserating, not for anything touchy-feely.
 
dream echo said:
I just wanted to add that this has also happened to me when in school and other social situations, not just out partying.

I have cut a lot of people out of my life to avoid this, or have been cut out of theirs because of it. And sometimes it's just been for verbally commiserating, not for anything touchy-feely.
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Wait, you've had people offer a friend drugs at school/other social situations and because you comforted them by apparently patting their back and 'being all on them' you were scolded? I mean, it's kind of a crap situation to begin with.
 
Drugs weren't always a factor. Sometimes merely talking to someone and not even touching them to give them emotional support for whatever reason (a break-up, a family issue, whatever) was misconstrued and has caused serious repercussions for me; always emotional and verbal, and occasionally physical.

It's caused me to not trust or help others as much as I would like to, just because I don't know how it will be taken.
 
dream echo said:
Drugs weren't always a factor. Sometimes merely talking to someone and not even touching them to give them emotional support for whatever reason (a break-up, a family issue, whatever) was misconstrued and has caused serious repercussions for me; always emotional and verbal, and occasionally physical.

It's caused me to not trust or help others as much as I would like to, just because I don't know how it will be taken.
Click to expand...


I suppose I've not experienced this because I'm asexual therefore people know I'm not ever flirting with anyone.
 
holla!


you specifically asked the dude if he minded and if you were making him feel uncomfortable in any way. he said no. you were getting a receptive, welcoming vibe from him, and there ya go!

nothing wrong. there was no reason for you to get "scolded" as you say.
 
Thank you everyone. :) I used to have the same mindset as you [MENTION=528]slant[/MENTION], but, people can't & WON'T always protect themselves, and Jesus & his disciples kept themselves among the people. I mean, I can see what you're saying, entirely, but I try to judge less and meet people where they're at, and assess their needs, and see if I can lift them to a better place. If that makes sense. I get the urge to hide myself away frequently, but when in party situations I blend in just enough, then let my INFJ light shine. I am the only Christian & INFJ a lot of these people actually get to know. I think it's important to extend compassion to everyone.

I appreciate all the points of view, empathy & feedback. :)
 
Just for clarification- my concern is more for myself- in my country, you can be arrested for any sort of association with drugs, if someone is using right next to you, if someone sold to your friend and you're aware of it- all of that you can be arrested for.
 
[MENTION=528]slant[/MENTION]. Ah, I see. Thank you for making your point clear. I don't like to judge people unfairly. Which I tend to do, without having all the information necessary to make such assessments.
 
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