Coming off as "Intellectually Intimidating" as an INFJ

[dai4481]

Over the past couple of weeks, I (22m combat medic) have been told that I come off as intellectually intimidating/daunting with my insatiable thirst for knowledge.

There are times when I’m drawn to deeper ideas or ethical debates that fascinate me (i.e. the debate of free will vs. predestination, solipsism, paradoxes, quantum physics, the butterfly effect, etc.) and it's like people don’t even want to engage with the ideas at all.

It feels like I’m willfully fighting on an active battlefield that others avoid even stepping onto for fear of bleeding, but I’m out there tasting my own blood with a smile because it’s where I feel most alive, desperately hoping my fire will ignite someone else's kindling, a brother of iron to sharpen myself against, but instead being met with apathy for any sort of growth.

It feels like I’m treading water in the deep end asking if anyone wants to swim and everyone quietly backs away.

It's been incredibly isolating, and I’m starting to internalize it.

Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[SlowUpTake]

Charles Pierce, whose writings are way above my grade level, wrote about the discomfort, intolerableness of not knowing. Most do not tread into topics that will lead them to realizing they to not know.

 

[Snow601]

My experience is different but also a little similar. I've been called 'spacey'. Also--more a person over personality thing--I don't find such theoretical topics interesting to talk about, even though I do think about them a lot--like class-related theory and when I was your age a lot of philosophical stuff, like the meaning in the art I adored. My environment didn't really foster interest in such topics (maybe bludgeoned me). I also struggle to put these thoughts into speech. I think what people point out to me however is that I do think deeply about things, and some that I'm 'switched on'. Intelligent, good with words, some charismatic, 'nicest guy ever' but never "intimidating".

I do however feel that loneliness of simply being different because of my mind, personality or cognition-type. But, to add to that, I've always been an outsider too. So, it's like a standard role for me. I'm happy being the artist, who doesn't care much about what other people think about him, but the loneliness still gets to me and can be persistent. I do think it's more values-based.

 

[Hyacinth]

Over the past couple of weeks, I (22m combat medic) have been told that I come off as intellectually intimidating/daunting with my insatiable thirst for knowledge.

There are times when I’m drawn to deeper ideas or ethical debates that fascinate me (i.e. the debate of free will vs. predestination, solipsism, paradoxes, quantum physics, the butterfly effect, etc.) and it's like people don’t even want to engage with the ideas at all.

It feels like I’m willfully fighting on an active battlefield that others avoid even stepping onto for fear of bleeding, but I’m out there tasting my own blood with a smile because it’s where I feel most alive, desperately hoping my fire will ignite someone else's kindling, a brother of iron to sharpen myself against, but instead being met with apathy for any sort of growth.

It feels like I’m treading water in the deep end asking if anyone wants to swim and everyone quietly backs away.

It's been incredibly isolating, and I’m starting to internalize it.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Yes and it’s been extremely frustrating to never be able to fully engage with another person on these things. I find that instead I have to turn to libraries to quench my thirst of these ideas that are constantly swirling in my head and I can’t get enough. I have tried books on tape that I can check out at the library on “Libby” but I have found its not good enough as I have to be holding the books and breathing them in as well for the full experience. It is isolating but I can tell you that you get used to the isolation and eventually come to fully embrace your “being different”. When you are younger that isolation is loud as hell, when you are much older you begin to make peace with it and just learn to put all that energy into yourself versus focusing on trying to fit in. Basically you learn you can’t get it from other people because hardly anyone will want to engage in these topics and that’s ok. You’re not here for them, you’re here for you and you make peace with it and you go in the topic and direction that interests you next never stopping for your quest to get as much knowledge as possible. It’s never enough.

 

[Wyote]

When I was younger I got a lot of that kind of messaging from people
Which I ended up taking to heart because at a core level I care far more about genuine connection than I do perceived truths/intellectualizations
Anyway, I still give off that vibe but when/if people get to know me personally they find out quickly I'm just a goof that enjoys deep thought
Something about Ni-dom makes people have a more stern stoic vibe in general which lends itself to perceived intellectualism
A lot or most Ni-doms are not super bright in many things but they do know how to sit around lazily/rigorously thinking

It's harder when you are younger and trying to navigate certain things
Once you are older you more fully realize/actualize that everyone is full of bologna and just kind of go your own way hopefully/in theory

 

[just me]

Delegating authority builds trust, but can cause confusion at first.

It feels like I’m willfully fighting on an active battlefield that others avoid even stepping onto for fear of bleeding, but I’m out there tasting my own blood with a smile because it’s where I feel most alive, desperately hoping my fire will ignite someone else's kindling, a brother of iron to sharpen myself against, but instead being met with apathy for any sort of growth.

Why do you think they fear bleeding? I always have my men's backs, and can back them up with a word. The older guys know this from experience. I feel most alive when there is no bloodshed unless the mission includes that. We can be peacekeepers and peacemakers when needed. You won't find me by myself on a battleground unless I am discussing blood does not need to be spilled.

Sometimes growth causes the need to transplant or relocate. Try not to leave the impression you expect the others not to grow.