Complexes and Issues : What To Do

Trifoilum

Trifoilum

find wisdom, build hope.
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Either parental issues or a battle against depression; terrible heartbreak or self-loathing, being bullied or pampered, I would believe most of us have some complexes and issues within one level or another. And they all cause psychological damages. Sure, some may look trifle compared to others, but each person carries their own pain. And each person has a responsibility to not break down by their pain. (And the gift of sharing, but that's beside the point)

A lot of material* all told the necessity of admitting they exist. And then letting it go. Moving on. Then all is good and well.
But what happens after that? How can one move on if the complex still exist? (By running away? Or is it called 'backing away'? 'strategic retreat'?)

And-- how? What to do?
An idea is to trace it back to its core (..behaviour psychology?). The main idea being that most of our complexes are created during our childhood.
Another is to view it from a different perspective (cognitive psychology?)
Sure it helps, but.... I imagined it like dumping my mental trashes into some sort of astral plane. Sure, my head feels clear, but the trash is still there, only not inside my head. The trash here being all the complexes and issues. Shouldn't we do something about it? (But then again, how? If say, I know my issues were coming from an outdated past....?)

Or the point is to numb our emotional senses to our past events and thus, focusing on the present?

I seem to overlook certain points here....?

*Mostly therapeutic materials, whether psychology or self-helps
 
Last edited:
I find it scary to post what I do. I'm afraid that each method differs per person, I'm not sure there is one universal answer that applies for everyone.

But I guess, that's not really helping.....

Have you tried bluntly desecrating the problem, through the barrier of fear, armed nothing but your iron will to change?
People may think you to be crazy, but, who knows, maybe it's awe.

But whatever you do, try to, think of it as a challenge, an opportunity for great growth and learning, not as a problem. The hotter the furnace, the purer the gold.

:m200: Maybe this is a bit too vague.
 
Last edited:
Sometimes I think we get wrapped up in the idea that pain should not exist. I believe in balance--how can you know happiness and joy if you don't experience pain and sadness type things.

I give people my backpack analogy. Imagine you are carrying around a backpack. All that you carry in this life must fit into this backpack. What do you choose to put inside? Many people choose the garbage of their lives. They place this garbage inside and weigh themselves down with it and wonder where that stench is coming from. They lavish thier energy and effort in hauling around a backpack full of trash. I think the hardest part about change and getting yourself out of a difficult way of thinking is to understand that the answers come from within rather than without. There are many ways to clean out your backpack--you have to choose something that gives you progress. Never be afraid to ask for help.
 
Have you tried bluntly desecrating the problem, through the barrier of fear, armed nothing but your iron will to change?
Click to expand...
Personally answering, In my own way, I did. And it's successful, albeit not pretty.

No, I don't think it's vague :)
 
I really enjoy the fact that some people can write blogs about how they feel or think and keep journals. For myself, I've always felt silly doing this.

I was thinking back about some things which happened with me and another member a long time ago and I realize I've never really reflected on that since it happened. I just kind of anguished over it for a while and pushed it aside, never analyzing it again because I didn't want to think about the mistakes I had made of the past, it was too painful, I felt too stupid.

One of the hardest things I've ever come to grasp with is being wrong. And I think it's a lot like things I have heard indigosensor say...I have this intense need to be right with everything I say, even if I'm not right, it's almost as if me having the right answer validates my self worth as a human being.

In the past I have never been able to tell people how I feel most of the time. I've always tried to hide my true feelings and emotions behind a mask, because I felt too vulnerable, because I felt like being illogical was the worst thing in the world and if I had thoughts about what was happening to me or feelings about people or events I was being shallow and superficial. I have tried so hard to ignore all of my thoughts about my actions and mistakes and simply live in the moment, with no reflection, with no emotion...it has felt increasingly numb and unselfsustaining. And then I get angry at myself because I have done things simply for the attention, I have acted in ways which I thought was the 'superior' way, which was not myself, but more of a way to be noticed and liked and recognized as far from my true self as possible, so that if I did make a mistake, it would not be myself making it but this fake personality that had no connections to how I really am.

I honestly don't know how to cope with things in a healthy way. I have been prone to cutting people out of my life, and I dislike when people point out my flaws or the things I have done wrong, because I then feel, if I am not right, what is my value? I've always scoffed over emotional threads and people expressing their feelings and ideas because I have viewed them as weak. This is a projection of my own inner thoughts. Why can I not be objective and so raw and detached, why can my opinions not be flawless, why are there always loopholes and why do I always end up being wrong in the end?

I also am so controlling. I feel like if I am a leader it increases my value. I don't listen as much as I talk and I tend to get jealous of people who are getting more attention that I, that was because, I put all of my value on being the entertainer.

Reflecting on that relationship on the past....we had such a poor relationship because I wasn't willing to open up. I never wanted to talk about the thoughts that went on in my head and I never wanted to let people into my comfort zone. Honestly back then people told me a lot I was 'closed off', and I get that way sometimes. No friend is truly a good friend of slant because they don't know the Ruby behind the slant.

Anyway, I'm sorry for all of that. And I can see my humor has helped people, I always recognized that being funny was helpful in a way, and really, no one has ever understood my sense of humor better than the INFJ forums have. It was one place where I didn't have to dumb down my humor, where I didn't have to just be half interested, where I stood out, where people regularly laughed. But I'm not really the funny guy, I suppose. And how to deal with my problems I have no idea. I started an art journal and painting in it sometimes helps but I feel like when I do it, it's like my problems are contained in a giant helium balloon, and when the painting is complete a little of the air escapes but not much. I don't think that I'm ready to face my issues or come head on at them because at the rate I am developing, when I look back three years ago, I was a totally different person but in some respects so much the same...that's scary and chilling. I was never depressed, just reserved. And I haven't ever wanted advice and I haven't ever wanted to discuss how to improve. I just want to imagine that in the future, when my mind has fully developed and my life is more stable than it is now, I will know who I am and I will know what I believe and how I want to act. Right now I am so lost in developing myself and being so young, being so naive, being so full of no answers but in all of my might wanting to believe I know it all, because it's my life, and the newer generation always believes they know more than the prior one. But I know nothing and will continue to learn. I think time will conquer my problems in a way that I can't even relate.
 
slant said:
...I think time will conquer my problems in a way that I can't even relate.
Click to expand...

I think you're right...and wiser than you probably give yourself credit for.
 
Sonyab said:
Sometimes I think we get wrapped up in the idea that pain should not exist. I believe in balance--how can you know happiness and joy if you don't experience pain and sadness type things.

I give people my backpack analogy. Imagine you are carrying around a backpack. All that you carry in this life must fit into this backpack. What do you choose to put inside? Many people choose the garbage of their lives. They place this garbage inside and weigh themselves down with it and wonder where that stench is coming from. They lavish thier energy and effort in hauling around a backpack full of trash. I think the hardest part about change and getting yourself out of a difficult way of thinking is to understand that the answers come from within rather than without. There are many ways to clean out your backpack--you have to choose something that gives you progress. Never be afraid to ask for help.
Click to expand...

Did you come up with this after Up In The Air? I like it anyways but I think as infj's we put it upon ourselves to wallow in both ours and other people's "garbage".

[MENTION=528]slant[/MENTION] i definitely have the problem of having to be right all of the time too but as of right now I have other weird/major problems. Cutting people out of my life has been known to happen as well.
 
I think you wake up each day and face the same problems but have to choose to accept them and let them go, everyday...much easier said then done.
 
It's quite simple really. Understand the problem, sort out what needs to be done, and do what needs to be done to fix the issue and or complex.

The biggest barrier an individual needs to cross with this kind of thing more often then not, really has to do with getting over just "living" with the problem, or turning it into some sort of an excuse.

If something can be done about it, then do it.
 
[MENTION=3545]bickelz[/MENTION];
I haven't seen the movie Up in the Air. So no. My backpack analogy has been around for about 20 years. I pull it out to demostrate to those who come to me for help with their problems to explain that we choose to carry our pain with us and we can choose to carry our joy instead.
 
Trifoilum said:
Either parental issues or a battle against depression; terrible heartbreak or self-loathing, being bullied or pampered, I would believe most of us have some complexes and issues within one level or another. And they all cause psychological damages. Sure, some may look trifle compared to others, but each person carries their own pain. And each person has a responsibility to not break down by their pain. (And the gift of sharing, but that's beside the point)

A lot of material* all told the necessity of admitting they exist. And then letting it go. Moving on. Then all is good and well.
But what happens after that? How can one move on if the complex still exist? (By running away? Or is it called 'backing away'? 'strategic retreat'?)

And-- how? What to do?
An idea is to trace it back to its core (..behaviour psychology?). The main idea being that most of our complexes are created during our childhood.
Another is to view it from a different perspective (cognitive psychology?)
Sure it helps, but.... I imagined it like dumping my mental trashes into some sort of astral plane. Sure, my head feels clear, but the trash is still there, only not inside my head. The trash here being all the complexes and issues. Shouldn't we do something about it? (But then again, how? If say, I know my issues were coming from an outdated past....?)

Or the point is to numb our emotional senses to our past events and thus, focusing on the present?

I seem to overlook certain points here....?

*Mostly therapeutic materials, whether psychology or self-helps
Click to expand...

There are different way to heal one's self without going crazy. The method you choose is based completely on your issues and how you cope with it. Some people benefit from talk/cognitive therapy (especially those that loves to analyze their issues), while others would rather do physical therapy such as drawing, painting, journaling, etc. I believe that the more intense the problem; one should ask help from others who have gone through it. It really helps to tackle a huge emotional overwhelming issue with the help of other people.

For my personal experience; i did cognitive therapy for good four years. What i got from it was i learned to see the patterns and cycles of depression and anxiety i had and what was causing them. In most cases, it is usually centered around one or two person or situation that impacted us deeply or hurt us. Was it a slow process? Yes. You need to be patient with yourself and constantly remind yourself that you are improving; even if the therapy is going on a snail's pace. The therapy eventually led me to confront the people I felt that hurt me and I was able to express my anguish and in exchange i received acknowledgment and closure. The therapy was a building block to push you eventually into confronting the very thing that haunts us. People need to understand that it is a two way street with therapy. Therapy and the therapist is only a tool to clairfy and highlight the issue and you have to complete it by exerting courage, overcoming fear and pushing yourself towards your goal of being free of what is hurting us.

Adding a spiritual and/or religious content to the healing practice helps. Whether it is meditation, singing in church choir, or studying metaphysics gives questions into the universal themes of human suffering. because many times the sufferer believes that he/she is the only one going through and experiencing their turmoil without realizing that there could be few million people going through similar situations. Volunteering or doing charity for the less fortunate also brings into perspective and focus on what is important in life and forces you to get out of your self centered suffering at times. Seeing less fortunate people showing much stamina, strength and courage living more difficult lives than us gives all of us courage to heal.
 
Sonyab said:
@bickelz;
I haven't seen the movie Up in the Air. So no. My backpack analogy has been around for about 20 years. I pull it out to demostrate to those who come to me for help with their problems to explain that we choose to carry our pain with us and we can choose to carry our joy instead.
Click to expand...

I was just wondering because it is a very good analogy. Although he was using his as an excuse to not stick around people very much rather than make people feel better about their life. You should see it though, it is a good movie.
 
IndigoSensor said:
It's quite simple really. Understand the problem, sort out what needs to be done, and do what needs to be done to fix the issue and or complex.

The biggest barrier an individual needs to cross with this kind of thing more often then not, really has to do with getting over just "living" with the problem, or turning it into some sort of an excuse.

If something can be done about it, then do it.
Click to expand...
Yeah, essentially it's just this, isn't it? :) I guess it's up to me (or other people, albeit I'm mostly talking about myself) to solve the problems.

If there's a will, there's a way, no matter how off the beaten track it is. No matter the price.

For my personal experience; i did cognitive therapy for good four years. What i got from it was i learned to see the patterns and cycles of depression and anxiety i had and what was causing them. In most cases, it is usually centered around one or two person or situation that impacted us deeply or hurt us. Was it a slow process? Yes. You need to be patient with yourself and constantly remind yourself that you are improving; even if the therapy is going on a snail's pace. The therapy eventually led me to confront the people I felt that hurt me and I was able to express my anguish and in exchange i received acknowledgment and closure. The therapy was a building block to push you eventually into confronting the very thing that haunts us. People need to understand that it is a two way street with therapy. Therapy and the therapist is only a tool to clairfy and highlight the issue and you have to complete it by exerting courage, overcoming fear and pushing yourself towards your goal of being free of what is hurting us.
Click to expand...
Ah. So that's how it goes. Thanks :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top