Criticism and Emotional Insecurity

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Arsal

Permanent Fixture
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I was thinking about this the other day. Does criticism stem from insecurity?

It seems people are only capable of providing criticism when they are aware of the benefits/faults, within that realm. Only an artist can provide proper criticism for another person's art, because they are aware of the pitfalls which they have experienced first-hand and are conscious of not repeating those same mistakes again. In this vein, when someone criticizes another person's behavior, especially social behavior, doesn't it imply that they are quietly suppressing the behavior within themselves, or at least, trying to?

So for example, if someone tells you to "get a life", doesn't it also imply that they are painfully aware of their ability (or lack thereof) to get a life? I've been told many times by a person that I'm not socially adequate, and that I need to work on my mannerisms in order to be presentable in public - does it imply that that person is also insecure about his ability to be socially adequate?

Just a thought. What do you guys think?
 
I think you need to get a life.. (jk)

I know what you mean in a sense. A lot of times, I think, when a person is criticizing another, they are criticizing their own failings. What they say offers you a window into their world. But I don't necessarily agree with the statement 100% of the time, people often criticize what they don't know, or don't understand.. or they could be neutral.. or they could be on your side wanting to help. There's no definite answer.
 
It's possible, but that doesn't necesarily mean they have first-hand experience with it. Culture is something learned, and those learning experiences aren't necesarily first-hand. For example, you think of the word incest and it brings to mind the thought that it is wrong, etc. to many, but most people don't have first-hand experience with that kind of thing, just what society has taught them.
 
If looking from a projection perspective, then it could be. However, it doesn't so often be that case...I mean, there's a lot of reason for criticism aside from alleviating one's insecurity of themselves. I think it will be subtly shown whether if the criticism stems from insecurity.

But I think you're speaking the truth on one aspect; it's often that people offer criticism based on their own experience. But it's experience either way, whether if they're previously doing good (so it's more like a growth), or bad (more like a...fixing?)
 
Griffin said:
It's possible, but that doesn't necesarily mean they have first-hand experience with it. Culture is something learned, and those learning experiences aren't necesarily first-hand. For example, you think of the word incest and it brings to mind the thought that it is wrong, etc. to many, but most people don't have first-hand experience with that kind of thing, just what society has taught them.
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Indeed, but the point of focus is that they realize incest is wrong, and are aware of their aversion to it, which is why they might prohibit it. The first-hand experience was in reference to that particular example.

If someone doesn't have an aversion to incest, or they weren't conditioned to it, would they criticize another person for indulging in it?
 
donkeybals said:
I know what you mean in a sense. A lot of times, I think, when a person is criticizing another, they are criticizing their own failings. What they say offers you a window into their world. But I don't necessarily agree with the statement 100% of the time, people often criticize what they don't know, or don't understand.. or they could be neutral.. or they could be on your side wanting to help. There's no definite answer
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Hmm, could you provide any examples where this could be the case? Just wondering, because I can't quite think of a scenario where this would be true.

Trifoilum said:
If looking from a projection perspective, then it could be. However, it doesn't so often be that case...I mean, there's a lot of reason for criticism aside from alleviating one's insecurity of themselves. I think it will be subtly shown whether if the criticism stems from insecurity.
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Such as...?
 
Yeah. When I was still living at my parents house, my dad was really angry. He used to say sh*t about me that just was flat out untrue. Like, I was busy all the time, had a job, going to school, and would help out at the house as much as I could. And he used to say things like "you don't do anything". Which was far from the case. He used to play solitare on the weekends for like 8-10 hours a day, and I'm not joking. Any type of logical reasoning he'd dismiss. I think he was in major denial, living in his own little world. Hate to say it, but true.
 
And I know people are going to be stuck on semantics, so let repeat what I mean comprehensively:

People only crticize other people in relation to themselves (what they know, what they like), and objects in relation to the objective standard in that field (movies, art, music, etc.)

When people criticize other people, they criticize things that they are conscious of within themselves. Such as, if a person tells me to not be grouchy, it means they are conscious of their own niceness. If a person tells me I'm fat, it means they are conscious of their own thinness, or their desire to be thin. If a person tells me I'm ugly, it means they are conscious of their beauty or lack thereof.

In that sense, it is something like insecurity. Is it not?
 
donkeybals said:
Yeah. When I was still living at my parents house, my dad was really angry. He used to say sh*t about me that just was flat out untrue. Like, I was busy all the time, had a job, going to school, and would help out at the house as much as I could. And he used to say things like "you don't do anything". Which was far from the case. He used to play solitare on the weekends for like 8-10 hours a day, and I'm not joking. Any type of logical reasoning he'd dismiss. I think he was in major denial, living in his own little world. Hate to say it, but true.
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Well, I don't know the complete unbiased story, but it doesn't sound like he was providing any sound criticism, but only letting out his passive-aggressive anger at you.

Or maybe he really meant it. But I doubt he wouldn't be aware of his ability to work hard himself, if he did. How can someone seriously tell another person that they "don't do anything", without being aware of this within themselves first?

In both cases, I'm assuming, but here's your fuzzy answer for the fuzzy data.
 
I think that people who criticize are not very balanced themselves. If they criticize someone to be messy they are messy themselves but have a problem with that fact or they put a lot of value in order or want to stay in control (of you or the house). Or when someone always says that you can't do anything right, I bed that he is a perfectionist himself. If a person has a healty view on the matter they still can point out to you that you are messy but the message would be in an advising tone rather than criticism in my opinion
 
I feel like there are two routes though, one being the person is criticizing due to their own kind of situation or your situation in relation to them, and the other being the person criticizing due to external pressure, such as societal norms, even if they feel no negative connotation (or less) personally, but know how others would perceive it.

That reminds me of Fi/Fe, actually.
 
Morgain said:
I think that people who criticize are not very balanced themselves. If they criticize someone to be messy they are messy themselves but have a problem with that fact or they put a lot of value in order or want to stay in control (of you or the house). Or when someone always says that you can't do anything right, I bed that he is a perfectionist himself. If a person has a healty view on the matter they still can point out to you that you are messy but the message would be in an advising tone rather than criticism in my opinion
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This is something that I feel should be cleared up in relation to the OP. Are we looking at criticism as the more negative version of advise, or as advise itself that may or may not be very critical in and of itself (constructive criticism comes to mind here).
 
Griffin said:
This is something that I feel should be cleared up in relation to the OP. Are we looking at criticism as the more negative version of advise, or as advise itself that may or may not be very critical in and of itself (constructive criticism comes to mind here).
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I meant more of the former, i.e. the negative version of advice, but I can see it apply to both to some degree.
 
Such as...
Genuine, honest desire to see the other party improve?
Annoyance towards the other party? (read; bringing people down aren't necessarily alleviating their own insecurities)

Arsal said:
When people criticize other people, they criticize things that they are conscious of within themselves. Such as, if a person tells me to not be grouchy, it means they are conscious of their own niceness. If a person tells me I'm fat, it means they are conscious of their own thinness, or their desire to be thin. If a person tells me I'm ugly, it means they are conscious of their beauty or lack thereof.

In that sense, it is something like insecurity. Is it not?
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Somewhat agree, but not insecurity itself. It's simply human ego if I were to say so. (read; "In my opinion, this is the better way to do this.")

I won't say your statement are not correct, but they are not the only one.
 
If it's negative, then yeah, I would see it as more of an insecurity kind of thing than other things. If thier intention is destructive instead of constructive, there's probably some part of them that feels insecure about the subject at hand.
Another possibility would be that it's less of an issue about the topic at hand and more about the person in general, in a subjugatung, bullying kind of way. Of course, if there's one word that has become connected with bullies, it would be insecurity, so that may also tie into the topic as well.
 
Arsal said:
And I know people are going to be stuck on semantics, so let repeat what I mean comprehensively:

People only crticize other people in relation to themselves (what they know, what they like), and objects in relation to the objective standard in that field (movies, art, music, etc.)

When people criticize other people, they criticize things that they are conscious of within themselves. Such as, if a person tells me to not be grouchy, it means they are conscious of their own niceness. If a person tells me I'm fat, it means they are conscious of their own thinness, or their desire to be thin. If a person tells me I'm ugly, it means they are conscious of their beauty or lack thereof.

In that sense, it is something like insecurity. Is it not?
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I think it depends. There was something that I read in Jung's Personality types book recently, he was criticizing Jordan's view of extroverted man. Jordan wrote that extroverted man being among other people in a situation where he has nothing to contribute to ongoing discussion, will stand up and demand a window to be opened, or something similar, essentially appearing attention seeking. Now Jung commented that something like that could be noticed by only someone who is reflective person and who will notice the hidden meaning that could be right but has no meaning to the external world, for the everyday life. And also that other extroverted people will not see it any other way than just a want for a window to be open.

So I guess it depend on who is criticizing and his own view of the world and his place in it.

I prefer to be criticised by introverted people, by those who tend to self reflect more, because I believe that they will take hidden meanings and things I might not notice about myself into account, though I'm aware that their own personality and what they think of themselves will be a part of that critique.
 
I think negative criticism is triggered by frustration. Something you are or do makes me uncomfortable because it makes it difficult to interact with you and I can't see a way around it unless you change. IMO, it's rarely because your behaviour is like mine but because it is not. If only you were more this or that it would be easier to get on with you. Negative criticism comes from a stressful place.

I think it only comes from insecurity when envy is involved. It isn't always associated with envy.
 
I haven't read through all responses here, so sorry if I'm repeating what others have already said.

I think the first thing that needs to be clear is that there are (at least) two types of criticism -- constructive criticism and then just emotionally charged bashing. To tell someone to get a life will belong to the latter group most of the time. Constructive criticism has no intentions to hurt. Someone would instead say "hey, join a soccer team or a book club if your life is empty", or something to that extent.

I would listen very willingly to constructive criticism. It is a goldmine so long as you know how to handle it without getting hurt. As far as bashing goes -- there is no credibility in that whatsoever. People coming after me like that used to hurt. As I've gotten older I realize that they are just projecting themselves onto me. It is a very primal instinct to steer away from whatever subject is being discussed and try to hurt the other person instead of spending time trying to find a compelling argument. It cheapens the whole response and makes it hard for me to even take seriously. This is where I would say that yes, people will say things that they can relate to. They are trying to look for ways to cause pain and so they will go with something that is close to themselves. I wouldn't do this and I am always surprised when others do it. I have never seen highly educated professors go off at one another when discussing differing opinions in new reserach findings (or whatever). They are smarter and more civil than that.
 
I think there's something to criticism sometimes coming from a place of discomfort with what someone else is presenting as it relates to one's own sense of self.

It might be that one recognizes a lack of resources to meet another person's needs and so rather than face that insufficiency there is a critique of the need so that need, and the sense of insufficiency, can be dismissed.

It might be that another demonstrates traits the person tends to be ashamed of or insecure about within themselves and so they criticize the externally presented manifestation of that trait.

It might be a sense of injustice over someone else not being held accountable for what they would hold themselves to or have been held to by others.

It might be a whole host of things.

I think despite critique often coming from multiple motivations, some of which are not acknowledged or known, it can still be a valuable perspective. It can spur action and facilitate better understanding of both self and other if engaged with thoughtfully.

I do think it's always good to remember that criticism is just a perspective to be considered and there may be a lot of factors driving the perspective that have little to do with the recipient of the criticism.
 
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