Disarming drama.

[Phoenix Down]

I'm one to complain...

I'm an extroverted woman, I MUST thrive on drama.
Well, only if I can trope it.

Which makes leaves me to say... I LOVE people who can just disarm drama.
You know, those people who can just stop drama in it's tracks.
Make the perfect statement that absolves all ill will and flawlessly segway into something else.

If anyone has insight on this skill set, Please share!

 

[Wyote]

Give em that ole twinkle in the eye, jovial fist shake and genuinely clever wise crack to seal the deal.

 

[neverhood]

Give em that ole twinkle in the eye, jovial fist shake and genuinely clever wise crack to seal the deal.

Only this, and nothing more

 

[AUM]

I don't know if you were being serious, but, just ignore whoever is causing the drama, that usually works wonders for me.

Another way is to not react to drama. People who are drama-queens love it when people react to it either by showing agreement or dislike of it. If you act neutral, then their play is over.

 

[neverhood]

Drama, what drama? Its almost more of a way of life than a skill. Dramas like a ride at the fair; some people like it, but other people get sick and get off, and avoid riding whenever possible

 

[Sloe Djinn]

1) Shout "HEY!"
2) Brandish leather belt folded in half
3) Feign strike 1-2 times
4) Raise chin and growl "Mm?" enquiringly
5) WIN

 

[Phoenix Down]

I don't know if you were being serious, but, just ignore whoever is causing the drama, that usually works wonders for me.

Another way is to not react to drama. People who are drama-queens love it when people react to it either by showing agreement or dislike of it. If you act neutral, then their play is over.

Ignoring it is one thing. I've been on the internet long enough to know not to feed the trolls.

Sometimes, that isn't how you want to deal with things IRL. And you don't have to be a drama-queen to create drama.

 

[AUM]

Sometimes, that isn't how you want to deal with things IRL.

Why not? If you feel the need to feed the drama even more, it's like adding oil on a burning fire.

Probably it's a personality thing, but whenever I think people are making things a bit dramatic, I just stay away from the whole situation since I don't want to be a part of it. But hey, that's just me.

And you don't have to be a drama-queen to create drama.

True.

 

[Phoenix Down]

Why not? If you feel the need to feed the drama even more, it's like adding oil on a burning fire.

Probably it's a personality thing, but whenever I think people are making things a bit dramatic, I just stay away from the whole situation since I don't want to be a part of it. But hey, that's just me.

True.

Siphoning the gasoline isn't feeding drama. The whole point is disarmament. There are some people and situations that can't be avoided. Family and friends. Teams.

Spoiler

Engineering students can be whiny bitches

The skill is valuable.

 

[AUM]

Siphoning the gasoline isn't feeding drama. The whole point is disarmament. There are some people and situations that can't be avoided. Family and friends. Teams.

Spoiler

Engineering students can be whiny bitches

The skill is valuable.

I think this is where you and I differ in our approach: whenever I see friends and family or even bitchy, whiny engineering students start with their soap operas, you know what I do? I put my headphones on or tell them straight that I'm not interested in what they have to say, unless there's a specific action I can take to mitigate their suffering situation.

Why would I want to hear their complaining and self-pitying situations if they aren't doing anything to solve it? This is drama to me, and in that case, I just don't care about it.

P.S. Maybe I'm just confusing your definition of drama. Could you care to elaborate or give examples of these kinds of situations?

 

[IndigoSensor]

It's actually really simple. Determine where the source of the drama is, and cut off it's fuel source. Without it, the drama will fade. Of course you can't always stop all drama. In the cases where you can't, remove yourself from the situation and remain an objective observer if you must.

 

[Siamese cat]

Siphoning the gasoline isn't feeding drama. The whole point is disarmament. There are some people and situations that can't be avoided. Family and friends. Teams.

Spoiler

Engineering students can be whiny bitches

The skill is valuable.

So very true for the spoiler part!

 

[Phoenix Down]

Why would I want to hear their complaining and self-pitying situations if they aren't doing anything to solve it? This is drama to me, and in that case, I just don't care about it.

P.S. Maybe I'm just confusing your definition of drama. Could you care to elaborate or give examples of these kinds of situations?

No, you have the right idea more or less. But there's a point when drama puts a hindrance on productivity. And I generally take it upon myself to pick up the slack. Now excuse me for whining myself, but that isn't fair to me. Now in my case, it has taken breaking down under pressure to realize that I can't just handle everything. I'm no superhuman, but in life there will always be people that need to be dealt with.

I can't do things alone. I NEED other people... and its just better if people are in a good mood. There is no way I'm smarter or more competent than a myself in a team.

why try to push a cart up stairs when I can build a ramp?
-----------------------------------------------------------

Oh but I know some people that are just really good at getting others to cut the shit.

 

[Siamese cat]

No, you have the right idea more or less. But there's a point when drama puts a hindrance on productivity. And I generally take it upon myself to pick up the slack. Now excuse me for whining myself, but that isn't fair to me. Now in my case, it has taken breaking down under pressure to realize that I can't just handle everything. I'm no superhuman, but in life there will always be people that need to be dealt with.

I can't do things alone. I NEED other people... and its just better if people are in a good mood.

why try to push a cart up stairs when I can build a ramp?

If it's concerning type of people you've mentioned in the spoiler section, my advice would be to gain attention from them, and urge on the logical and practical side of them. Their ego's like to think that they are highly logical and practical individuals, even when they are clearly not so. Playing on someone's huge ego can go a long way.

Also, I used to work very closely with two engineers who couldn't see eye to eye on any possible matter you can imagine, and because there were only three of us, I'd let them argue until they for the hundredth time conclude that they have reached an impasse, and then was up to me what will do, because I chose not to agree with either of them. It was a fun time.

 

[AUM]

No, you have the right idea more or less. But there's a point when drama puts a hindrance on productivity. And I generally take it upon myself to pick up the slack. Now excuse me for whining myself, but that isn't fair to me. Now in my case, it has taken breaking down under pressure to realize that I can't just handle everything. I'm no superhuman, but in life there will always be people that need to be dealt with.

I can't do things alone. I NEED other people... and its just better if people are in a good mood. There is no way I'm smarter or more competent than a myself in a team.

why try to push a cart up stairs when I can build a ramp?
-----------------------------------------------------------

Oh but I know some people that are just really good at getting others to cut the shit.

Having drama while working on a team does indeed hinder on productivity. In that case, just give it to them straight, "[insert annoying person's name], is there anything that I could help you with in regards to your situation? If not, cut the crap, and lets get back to work."

You may not come as overly friendly, but at least you will get people back on track.

Then, again, I'm not the most suitable person to give you interpersonal relationship advice. So I'll probably stop there

 

[Phoenix Down]

If it's concerning type of people you've mentioned in the spoiler section, my advice would be to gain attention from them, and urge on the logical and practical side of them. Their ego's like to think that they are highly logical and practical individuals, even when they are clearly not so. Playing on someone's huge ego can go a long way.

Also, I used to work very closely with two engineers who couldn't see eye to eye on any possible matter you can imagine, and because there were only three of us, I'd let them argue until they for the hundredth time conclude that they have reached an impasse, and then was up to me what will do, because I chose not to agree with either of them. It was a fun time.

Having drama while working on a team does indeed hinder on productivity. In that case, just give it to them straight, "[insert annoying person], is there anything that I could help you with in regards to your situation? If not, cut the crap, and lets get back to work."

You may not come as overly friendly, but at least you will get people back on track.

Then, again, I'm not the most suitable person to give you interpersonal advice. So I'll probably stop there

First. I'd like to say I very much appreciate the input.

I'm actually looking for a solution to drama in a broader sense. That being said... I know how to get people to work for me. I want to get them to work WITH me.

When I go the "hey! cut the shit lets get work done." people tend to take that as an act of aggression. A sort of 'Okay, I want to call the shots here'... that's beside the point.

As for the drama itself, Its the passive aggressive kind where everyone is against the other. Individually I'm able to get along with all the team members. Perhaps... I'm being hypersensitive. Communication is really just bad.

 

[not sure]

No, you have the right idea more or less. But there's a point when drama puts a hindrance on productivity. And I generally take it upon myself to pick up the slack. Now excuse me for whining myself, but that isn't fair to me. Now in my case, it has taken breaking down under pressure to realize that I can't just handle everything. I'm no superhuman, but in life there will always be people that need to be dealt with.

I can't do things alone. I NEED other people... and its just better if people are in a good mood. There is no way I'm smarter or more competent than a myself in a team.

why try to push a cart up stairs when I can build a ramp?
-----------------------------------------------------------

Oh but I know some people that are just really good at getting others to cut the shit.

I know the kind of thing you are describing. It drives me crazy too and I'm not at all good at handling it. What I am beginning to learn is to look beyond the surface of issues so that I can determine what it is that people are truly after. When I know that sometimes (and only sometimes) I am able to use that information to manipulate the situation into a more productive mode.

People create drama for all sorts of reasons. They may be dissatisfied with the amount of credit they are receiving or they are assigned tasks that aren't suitable for their skills or personality or they need to be king on the hill or they are no good at what they do so they try to create a distraction. The list is endless but if you can understand what their motives are you may be able to gain some control. It's not a skill I really have. Drama especially in the work environment can bring me to my knees. I just want it over and with my lightning quick temper it isn't a good combination.

I know the sort of person who can just cut through people's crap. I absolutely envy them but what they do just looks like black magic to me.

 

[Siamese cat]

If you want more than to temporary diffuse drama, and are good in making quick assessments when it comes to personality traits of people who are on your team, you'll see what would be the best course of action for creating a good working environment. Understanding that every person can contribute to the team and finding a way for them to do so, if they haven't already promotes good working relations. Also identifying those who are prone to making drama can help a good deal in stopping their attempts to disrupt work flow. Maybe they are feeling inferior comparing to others in the group, so they childishly try to disrupt work flow. Or they are bored with given tasks. How you are going to deal with it really depends a lot on the reasons why people create drama and on their role in the team. Also, having more team members who appreciate drama-free environment can help, because you won't be the only one dealing with it.

At one place where I worked, I was a part of a group that had ten members of completely different personalities and roles in the group. What held the group together working even when there were hard situations and conflicts among members was that there were two people in that group who insisted on having one day when people would just sit together, talk, have a drink, eat together for a couple of hours during work time. This approach gave people a sense that no matter what, they belong to a team and that they all work towards the same goal even when they disagree heavily.

 

[Siamese cat]

Also, keeping track of their birthdays (but bear in mind that not all people like to celebrate theirs, so thread lightly here), their interests and such can go a long way. You can suggest that you from time to time listen to some music while working, and this is good especially if your tastes in it are vastly different. Keep it on a low volume, so that it doesn't pose a distraction, but it will keep people happy and give them a sense that they are all in a way equally important.

Doing something off of work time can be go and bad depends on the group. If you think it would be good, some group activity like paint ball, bowling or something like that could be a very good idea. You'll get to see how they are when they are not in a work mode, and you can see how are they behaving when they don't have assigned roles, when they can choose how can they contribute to the mood of the group.

 

[Gaze]

I've taken a passive approach to drama. I get easily annoyed at people for making big deals out of nothing (not that i haven't created dramas of my own in the past although I avoid them like the plague today), and so I keep to myself and let them deal with it. People think you're cluless or oblivious about what's happening when you seem to not know or care, but it's really that you don't care for the excitement; you have enough to deal with. I am more conciliatory and i'm much more "whatever" sometimes, so that they realize I don't want to get into it with them or have a confrontation. Funny thing is people will see confrontation and antagonism when none is intended, so you have to let them know that you're not competing with them. Sometimes, although not always, it may help if you say, "I understand or ok, I see" so they feel as if their voice is being heard. One side effect though is that people will think they've gotten the better of you when you withdraw from conflict or drama, believing they've won and gotten their way, when in reality, you've realized it's just not worth it.