Ex crushes/loves

Jana

Jana

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infj
I have hypothetical question!
So, you met friend from past and he/she admitted that a long time ago was siriously in love with you (you were not at him/her), but at the time does not feel love anymore, just friendly apriciation. Now, you are again in same company, you are in relationship with somebody else ofcourse.
How do you feel? Incomfortable, strange, anoyed....
Can you normaly communicate? Are you questioning reason for admiting...? Etc,etc.
Your thoughts, analyses, true stories, everything...
 
I don't think I would feel uncomfortable at all.
I think I would appreciate the honesty and cherish that person and their friendship even more.
 
well since it was in the past and he does not feel any thing anymore (only friendship) I won't feel uncomfortable.
I will be wondering however why he did not tell me earlier. Was he not sure? Did I give him a "No" vibe?
 
I would admire that they had the guts to tell me :)
I'd think of them as a great friend, esepcially now that they would share something so deeply personal like that with me. I wouldn't wonder what could have been , to be honest, because I'd prefer to use this new information to make our friendship grow in the future. I would wonder why they decided to tell ma at that particular moment, but I'd trust that they didn't tell me before because it simply wasn't meant to be, or else they would have told me.
I think that would be the most sincere compliment anyone could give me, actually....

Although, I admit it might be hard to see them the same way afterward. I'd have a new admiration for them for trusting me like that. I'd really try to avoid feeling awkward around them, since I wouldn't want them to regret telling me things.
 
Jana said:
I have hypothetical question!
So, you met friend from past and he/she admitted that a long time ago was siriously in love with you (you were not at him/her), but at the time does not feel love anymore, just friendly apriciation. Now, you are again in same company, you are in relationship with somebody else ofcourse.
How do you feel? Incomfortable, strange, anoyed....
Can you normaly communicate? Are you questioning reason for admiting...? Etc,etc.
Your thoughts, analyses, true stories, everything...
Click to expand...

I had this happen to me a couple times. Most often I will just tell them I had no idea. I won't try to dig into the issue. I won't really ask how they feel now, etc. I just kind of let it be as it is because if they're telling me they USED to feel that way, then I assume that they no longer do.

There was one particular time where a friend told me this. We had been friends for about 5 years and I had been in a relationship for most of that time. I moved home from BC and we ended up getting very close very fast. We were so on the same page with so many things and we ended up having a mutual interest in each other. It felt so right and so natural and things came together really well. He told me that he had liked me since he met me but he never said anything because I was with someone else. We ended up seeing each other for a few months but then the spark faded and we went back to being friends again and like nothing had ever happened.

I guess some things run their course quietly in terms of people's feelings, and others come to the forefront and you work through it together.

I personally have no problem with people telling me how they feel about me. I work very hard to not make them feel awkward or uncomfortable about it and am usually quiet good and letting them air it all out so we can move on as friends. I rarely feel the same way back but I like to preserve friendships as much as possible and it works out.
 
Confused. As in, I dunno what to say. I think I would be flattered, but a certain part of me thinks it's kinda....dishonest. :|
 
This reminds me of that scene in Definetly, Maybe when Ryan Reynolds finally admits his love for that girl and she slaps him.

Anyway there is one person that comes to mind when this topic arises. He's never professed his love for me or anything but we pretty much grew up together. I only know he had a crush on me because his Dad took it upon himself to tell my Dad in front of me how much he liked me, weird, lol. Anyway I can still tell there is some hope there from his part and its flattering but at the same time its like, you can find someone else and someone better.
 
Jana said:
And what do you think, why would someone admit that if it is past?
Click to expand...

If someone admits that if it has passed, to me that indicates two things:

One, they still have some trace of feeling in them or some hope of a possibility that things will work out, even if they know that it is unlikely.

Or two, they have held onto that feeling for so long that they wanted to bring closure to it by discussing it and finally getting it out in the open.

I find in most cases it is actually the latter. It's nice to finally be able to express feelings that you may have, in the past, been too afraid to express. It's liberating to be able to make such confessions to someone, even if you may not feel that way anymore.
 
sandra_b said:
If someone admits that if it has passed, to me that indicates two things:

One, they still have some trace of feeling in them or some hope of a possibility that things will work out, even if they know that it is unlikely.

Or two, they have held onto that feeling for so long that they wanted to bring closure to it by discussing it and finally getting it out in the open.

I find in most cases it is actually the latter. It's nice to finally be able to express feelings that you may have, in the past, been too afraid to express. It's liberating to be able to make such confessions to someone, even if you may not feel that way anymore.
Click to expand...

That's very well written,clear:)
 
sandra_b said:
If someone admits that if it has passed, to me that indicates two things:

One, they still have some trace of feeling in them or some hope of a possibility that things will work out, even if they know that it is unlikely.

Or two, they have held onto that feeling for so long that they wanted to bring closure to it by discussing it and finally getting it out in the open.

I find in most cases it is actually the latter. It's nice to finally be able to express feelings that you may have, in the past, been too afraid to express. It's liberating to be able to make such confessions to someone, even if you may not feel that way anymore.
Click to expand...
+1
 
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