Feeling frustrated at how far I've NOT gotten in life despite working my butt off

L

Leaf

Newbie
MBTI
Infj
So first let me say I amSO happy to have found this forum. I was having a seriously crappy day and to hear so many of my own thoughts and issues mirrored in here was uplifting and so helpful!

I'm 31, I have a BA in anthroplology and I've never made more than 16$ an hour at a job. I've had some ok jobs, museum teaching during my college years, and more recently retail sales (kitchen and bath design) which I just sort of fell into. I also starting selling crafts on etsy because thats what I REALLY want to do with my life, make stuff!

My problem is that I get the feeling that I'm supposed to have a REAL job. Not part time, or anything like that. Something that nets me a 401k and health insurance. That's virtually impossible for me. I left my last full time job at a big box because of the anxiety I had from bosses that expected me to continually get better (I was a good performer) but never gave me raises. When I found out that a new guy in the position I was PROMOTED FROM was making 2$ an hour more than I did in a BETTER position, I really felt like I was getting the shaft and just couldn't justify the stress my job caused me for so low pay.

So here I am in my 30s with nothing really to show for it. I'm basically starting over. I KNOW that I am a good employee, hard working, great personality, creative and smart. But I don't feel like I'm a good fit for about 99% of the jobs out there. I'm terrible at office politics and I admit I require motivation from time to time (in the sense that if I am doing a good job, just let me know-is that so crazy to ask?).

I started part time at a small kitchen place, but this is no full time job, I'm not sure it will grow with me into my senior years, you know?

I kinda of feel like a failure compared to all the doctors and lawyers I went to school with, even though I know that I'm not cut from the same cloth as those types.

Any kind of help, or thoughts or personal stories would be so nice to hear. Thanks in advance :)
 
Part-time jobs are still real jobs. Work on finding something that you're passionate about. Even learning that you hate a particular job will be helpful in finding out what you love. Don't base your self-worth on what you're paid or what your job title is, especially in comparison to your peers. Don't fall into that rat race bullshit or you'll never be satisfied with yourself. I know a handful of unhappy doctors...
 
It's not my self worth I was worried about, I VALUE MYSELF. It pisses me off to get paid so little when I KNoW I'm worth more. I'm struggling with the feeling that I'm not a valued member of the workplace when I think I really could be if given the chance.
 
I stopped feeling bad for you when you said $16 an hour and that wasn't enough.
 
I live in Massachusetts. While this is no California, the cost of living is VERY high here, these is no public transportation where I live, so don't be an ass to a new person, and keep some perspective.

Geesh.

Oh yeah, and people with bachelors degrees should be making a bit more than your average, hs diploma sales guy.

This is what I get for opening up to people finally?
 
Leaf said:
I live in Massachusetts. While this is no California, the cost of living is VERY high here, these is no public transportation where I live, so don't be an ass to a new person, and keep some perspective.

Geesh.

Oh yeah, and people with bachelors degrees should be making a bit more than your average, hs diploma sales guy.

This is what I get for opening up to people finally?
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Not if you can't produce something more valuable than the average hs diploma sales guy. Get off your high horse with your east coast Massachusetts entitlement.
 
Wtf, I came here to get support on a day that was shitty as hell, and this is what I get?

I hope you feel really good about making a stranger cry.

I see that all your posts are equally shitty to other people so maybe you should get off your self righteous horse and go do something nice for someone else for a change.
 
Leaf said:
Wtf, I came here to get support on a day that was shitty as hell, and this is what I get?

I hope you feel really good about making a stranger cry.

I see that all your posts are equally shitty to other people so maybe you should get off your self righteous horse and go do something nice for someone else for a change.
Click to expand...

Oh should I have coddled you and hugged you and told you how great you were instead? My bad I guess if you go to college you deserve to be treated like the royalty you are unlike those stupid people who can only get a hs diploma.
 
People come here for help asshole, not to be berated.
Your issue with us "east coast Massachusetts people" seems to be based on something that has nothing to do with me, only your past prejudices. I didn't choose to be born here, live here etc.
I didn't ask to be coddled, I asked for career advice, not bullshit from someone who obviously hates the whole world.
 
I'm sort of in the same situation. I think a lot of people are. A college degree just doesn't mean as much anymore unless it's in a highly technical field, but I know that I suck at anything that involves highly detailed technical information. I have a BA in linguistics and I've been doing simple office work while taking classes again in the evenings at the local community college. I knew that a BA in the fine arts probably wouldn't lead to a real career, but I hoped that I would at least be able to pay basic bills while I figure out what to do next. I didn't really have much sane guidance growing up and I just felt really lost in life in general in my twenties. After taking some more classes, I'm pretty sure now that I either want to be an occupational therapy assistant or an addictions counselor. If you are creative and really passionate about making things, the etsy thing sounds like a good idea. Maybe you could turn it into a real business.
 
I think most people find themselves within the same boat as you, and honestly probably do not have any answers. Your frustrations are just as valid as everyone else. If you found your niche, find out how you can make it work for you or how you can build on it. What I sense is "work" is not the root of your problem. Your niche which you love, will become "work" later and you will find yourself in the same position as you are now. I would look deep within and try to answer "What things make me feel good about myself?" "What can I do to feel satisfied with my life?" Most likely, neither will have anything to do with money. :)

[video=youtube;QhNm3WI8myM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhNm3WI8myM[/video]
 
That's true, I really haven't made any money doing etsy other than it pays for itself, and I can work for hours without it feeling like work. I just hope it takes off soon!
 
It seems that you are setting goals for yourself, or perhaps letting society set goals for you that are incompatible with your sense of motivation.

If you have something that you can enjoy doing, then the enjoyment should also be factored as part of a sense of compensation. If you want the liberty of more money, then either marry a kind, rich professional; or endure the kind of work environment you have been enduring; or be more clinical in your business mentality.

On the last note - business - monopoly situations are always the most profitable. If you are online in whatever etsy is, then you must be completely unique, or be able to compensate for competition factors by lowering costs and increasing volume. If however, you are working on a small scale, you might be better off establishing a monopoly situation in a smaller market. For example, selling some unique (truly distinct and excellent) craft at a local weekend market.

Hope things turn out well. I personally think you should readjust you goals somewhat.
 
Just ignore "the" he likes making people cry sometimes.
I think your main problem is people skills, in the sense of what you said - office politics and such. Mostly with your bosses. You sound like a very talented woman, and usually what happens with talented people is that jealously surrounds them throughout their lives in many different ways, one of them being their colleagues or boss.
There's another thing i have in mind, which is you needing the acceptance of your bosses when you are doing well. That's an issue i would work on. When you know you are doing a good job, give yourself your own acceptance and try to feel confident (work on it), because when your self confidence relies on your boss' will, you might just turn into his punching bag. One more thing - i get the feeling bosses feel threatened by you.

That's my take it on, good luck and welcome to the forum.
 
$16/hour really isn't a lot of money considering how much you've invested in your degree… it's enough to support yourself and that's about it. I don't know how anyone could possibly think that that's a decent salary. It's horrible how good people can't get jobs nowadays--for a lot of fields, you either have to be super assertive, charming or know someone.

I know how it is to start in an industry and find out it's taking too much of a toll on you-- I left advertising for that very reason. Some days I seriously regret it, but then again, I think it's easy to look back on things and block out all of the BS that went along with it at the time. I say that as long as you're surviving, then you still have hope… if you're mostly working online, then maybe a change of scenery would help? I know that in the more rural areas a smaller salary can go a lot further… and the air is clean and such. On the other hand, it's harder to have a social life and such.

I really can't help you because I'm sort of in the same position-- well, not exactly the same position, just similarly disillusioned I suppose… and I'm older than you and I still don't know how to get a good job. But I do think that if you're willing to really work hard on getting where you want to be then you'll be able to find something… but then, I don't think that hard work is usually the problem here, the biggest problem is usually not knowing where or how to begin.

There are actually quite a few people out there who never find their 'niche'-- the idea itself is sort of ridiculous because very few people actually 'fit' the jobs they have. I can understand the urgency you're feeling turning 30 and everything and it can be good motivation, but I also think it's important to ask yourself exactly what is most important to you in life and what you want to look back on when you die… happiness isn't always about being like everyone else, though I do think that not being secure probably makes it a lot harder…
 
Hi Leaf! Welcome to the forums :)
You seem like you could be a good teacher, particularly when it comes to something in creativity.

Many INFJ's have a lot of creative talent and struggle in terms of finding a career. I'm going for a PhD in Conflict Analysis & Resolution with a concentration in International Peace - I will gain some valuable information and when I finish the program I can be a professor (though I'd like to do other things as well!)

I hope you are able to find what you are looking for! :)
In the meantime, you could create YouTube videos and get them to be monetized.
 
Leaf said:
My problem is that I get the feeling that I'm supposed to have a REAL job. Not part time, or anything like that. Something that nets me a 401k and health insurance. That's virtually impossible for me. I left my last full time job at a big box because of the anxiety I had from bosses that expected me to continually get better (I was a good performer) but never gave me raises. When I found out that a new guy in the position I was PROMOTED FROM was making 2$ an hour more than I did in a BETTER position, I really felt like I was getting the shaft and just couldn't justify the stress my job caused me for so low pay.

So here I am in my 30s with nothing really to show for it. I'm basically starting over. I KNOW that I am a good employee, hard working, great personality, creative and smart. But I don't feel like I'm a good fit for about 99% of the jobs out there. I'm terrible at office politics and I admit I require motivation from time to time (in the sense that if I am doing a good job, just let me know-is that so crazy to ask?).

I started part time at a small kitchen place, but this is no full time job, I'm not sure it will grow with me into my senior years, you know?

I kinda of feel like a failure compared to all the doctors and lawyers I went to school with, even though I know that I'm not cut from the same cloth as those types.

Any kind of help, or thoughts or personal stories would be so nice to hear. Thanks in advance :)
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Hello Leaf! I highlighted some phrases in bold that make me think you would benefit from learning better negotiating skills. Also better self-promotion skills. These are skills and they may not come naturally to you, but I'm sure you can learn them if you try. Often times in life, we get what we negotiate for, not what we deserve. Maybe check out some books or classes on negotiation? I wouldn't want you to be in a new career faced with similar problems as the old one.

P.S. There are people on this forum who have -- issues -- that involve enjoying putting others down. Try to just ignore it and know that the whole world is not like that.
 
What do your anthropology peers do for a living?

What do you want to do for a living?
 
Welcome to the forums!

I have two friends from college who majored in anthropology. One is doing his masters degree and will probably head to research (or maybe end up unemployed with a masters in anthropology). Another is working at pizza hut.

The middle class is disappearing, and you're caught in the middle of it. I am not going to lie and tell you that there is a better easy way to become a more valuable worker because there is not. Technology and business dominate now, and if you cannot find a niche in one of those areas, it is hard to get by. It also sounds like you might have been discriminated against if a male employee in a lower position was being paid more than you, or at least they had very poor HR practices at that place you worked. It is also strange that they didn't offer more money for more work (i.e. taking the time to learn new things, attend more training, produce more, etc.).

With your degree, you could probably get an office job with an okay wage and benefits, but that is dependent on you being in a big enough town/city or otherwise just being lucky. And it will still take a while to find.

The buzzword these days is knowledge/skills/abilities. Perhaps you should do a self-inventory to see what you have of these, and perhaps you could go into something that at least somewhat appeals to you. You have to market yourself based on more than your degree because so many people have liberal arts/social science degrees. I hope etsy works out as well, but I'm guessing that it would be very difficult to make a substantial amount off of it. If nothing else, you could at least get a regular job with a boss that knows how to manage properly.

Good luck and sorry that I don't have more advice.
 
1. i think communication is a very important skill. often talent gets hidden under poor communication. at work you have to be really vocal about how hard you are working with ur bosses. not in a blamey way, but in a "i love my job and give it 110%" kind of way.

2. you may want to consider going back to school, but focus on programs that offer paid internships or co-op placement. look at the jobs that are earning the most money right now.

3. know that ur job doesnt define who u r. it's just a way to make ur life better. maybe one day ull find ur dream job, maybe u wont. that can't be the determining factor of what defines how happy you are.

4. don't cry at what strangers say. u gotta fight for ur happiness. no one is gonna give you your dream job out of sympathy for you. your reaction to the comments made by The was a waste of your time and feelings. you gotta develop a thicker skin.
 
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