Funny lyrics

S

smiffy

Community Member
MBTI
XXXX
Move your body up and down(woo)
make your booty touch the ground(woo)
I can't help but wonder why is my vibe to vibalacious for ya babe
I shake my jelly at every chance
when i'm whip to my hip you jsut slip into a transe
I'm hoping you can handle all the jelly that i have
Now lets cuddle up while we get this chance(yeah)




.....................Just to let you know beyonce I can always handle Jelly!
 
You can't. Your fail is cemented for all to see.

This should be in the Emotional support section. I think this was a cry for help Smiffy.
 
Last edited:
Yield said:
You can't. Your fail is cemented for all to see.

This should be in the Emotional support section. I think this was a cry for help Smiffy.
Click to expand...

fuck! i really need sleep!Im gonna play the sleep deprived card for the shitty post!
 
yuck: :yuck: :yuck: :yuck:

...Ooh boys cheeky girls
Ooh girls cheeky boys

I never ever ask where do you go
I never ever ask what do you do
I never ever ask what
 
Oh goodness...
 
Kanye West, Diamonds from Sierra Leone

You know who you can call you gotta best believe it
The Roc stand tall and you would never believe it
Take your diamonds and throw 'em up like you bulimic
Yea the beat cold but the flow is anemic
 
My mom sings this song sometimes as a joke, I think it's pretty funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIlJ8ZCs4jY

One week of every year is designated National Brotherhood Week. This is just one of many such weeks honoring various worthy causes.

Oh, the white folks hate the black folks,
And the black folks hate the white folks.
To hate all but the right folks
Is an old established rule.

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
Lena Horne and Sheriff Clarke are dancing cheek to cheek.
It's fun to eulogize
The people you despise,
As long as you don't let 'em in your school.

Oh, the poor folks hate the rich folks,
And the rich folks hate the poor folks.
All of my folks hate all of your folks,
It's American as apple pie.

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
New Yorkers love the Puerto Ricans 'cause it's very chic.
Step up and shake the hand
Of someone you can't stand.
You can tolerate him if you try.

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics,
And the Catholics hate the Protestants,
And the Hindus hate the Moslems,
And everybody hates the Jews.

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
It's National Everyone-smile-at-one-another-hood Week.
Be nice to people who
Are inferior to you.
It's only for a week, so have no fear.
Be grateful that it doesn't last all year!
 
Haha reminds me of Everyone's a Little Bit Racist by Avenue Q

Totally inappropriate but hilarious.
 
here's a few classics

Verse
School holidays were draggin' on
He was gettin' really bored
And his Mum had started poppin' pills
She was climbin' up the walls

So when he asked her could he go across
The buildin' site and play
She just popped another pill 'n' just said
"Don't get in the way"

So he chucked his little toolbox
In his billycart 'n' left
While his Mum knocked up a cuppa
Laced with valium and Bex

She needed all the help she could
To cope with holidays
But the pills and powders weren't enough
When he got home from play ... 'n' said ...

Chorus
I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up ... eh, Mum
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, eh Mum, I don't give a fuck
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up

Verse
It seemed the sawn-off shit
Had listened to the builders while they worked
And he'd remembered everything --
Word for fuckin' word!

And his shell-shocked Mum just sat there
As he went on to explain
How "some wanker lost the fuckin' plans
Then found the cunts again!"

And how "some dickhead missed the fuckin' nail
And hit his fuckin' thumb!"
And how "they shaved a mickey whisker
Off the door to close the cunt!"

And his voice was so excited
Best fun he'd ever had!
"And can I go back tomorrow, Mum?
Can't wait till I tell Dad, how ...

Chorus
I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, really, I don't give a fuck
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up

Verse
His Mum was scoffin' scotch and serepax
And propped against the fridge
And when his Dad got home she dribbled
"Tell your father what you said"

So the young bloke give his Dad a serve
The air was turnin' blue
"Fuck the weather, fuck the foreman
'N' fuck the unions, too!"

His old man turned fuckin' purple
'N' his whole body started to twitch
Until finally he exploded
"Go and get a switch!"

But the young bloke shook his head
'N' said, "No way, mate, I've knocked off
Anyway, you c'n go 'n' get rooted
Cause that's a fuckin' electrician's job!"

Chorus
Cause I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, not a sparky, go get fucked
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up

Yeah, I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, you cranky bastard, go get fucked
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up

Yeah, I wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
And build fuckin' houses everywhere, millions of the cunts
A bricky or a chippy, you're not me foreman, go get fucked
I just wanna be a fuckin' builder when I grow up
Click to expand...

Santa was stoned at Christmas
How'd he get that high
And what's he feedin' them reindeers
That makes the bastards fly
I shared a cone with Santa
A happy Christmas high
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And, so was I

Thought I'd stopped believin' in Santa
Untill last Christmas night
I was havin' a quiet little cone on me own
When I looked up into the sky
I saw this sleigh comin' outta controle
Headin' straight for my place
Crashed and burned in my backyard
Woah Santa was off his face

Santa was stoned at Christmas
How'd he get that high
And what's he feedin' them reindeers
That makes the bastards fly
I shared a cone with Santa
A happy Christmas high
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And, so was I

Yeah Santa was wrecked a total mess
When he dropped in outta the blue
In a bettered old sled full of whacky way
And six bent reindeer too
Now you might think
That I'm makin' this up
But you can think what you like
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And so was I

Santa was stoned at Christmas
How'd he get that high
And what's he feedin' them reindeers
That makes the bastards fly
I shared a cone with Santa
A happy Christmas high
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And, so was I

Yeah Santa was ripped at Christmas
Shit faced maggotted stoned
And
When I helped him untagle his reindeer
He offered me a cone
Well then I strapped him back
In that battered old sled
N'after one more toke of the bong
And a crack of the whip
and a 'Come you bastards'
Santa Clause was gone

Santa was stoned at Christmas
How'd he get that high
And what's he feedin' them reindeers
That makes the bastards fly
I shared a cone with Santa
A happy Christmas high
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And, so was I

'Come you bastards'

Santa was stoned at Christmas
How'd he get that high
And what's he feedin' them reindeers
That makes the bastards fly
I shared a cone with Santa
A happy Christmas high
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And, so was I

Yeah,
Santa was stoned at Christmas time
And so was I
Click to expand...

Verse 1
I remember back on our very first date
In the back seat of me car
I wanted you to go all the way
But you wouldn't go that far


I wanted you to hold me dick
You wanted to hold me hand
And when I accidentally brushed your tit
I just blew it and come in me pants


Chorus
And it was over ...
Before it began


Verse 2
I'll never forget the strain and the sweat
As I fumbled with your gear
A hundred degrees with the windows wound up
So your Mum and Dad couldn't hear


Tryin' me best to unzip your dress
And unhook your bra with one hand
And just when I thought I was doin' all right
I come in me pants again


Chorus
And it was over ...
Before it began


Verse 3
Blouses and buttons and bras and buckles
And 'Stop it, I'm gettin' cold'
First time I've had a tit in me mouth
Since I was nine months old
[ Kevin Bloody Wilson Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]


I had lovers' balls and you had no idea
Of the pitch of me passion and pain
Tryin' to stay cool with me knackers on fire
I come in me pants again ... oh, shit ... and again


Verse 4
You wouldn't give and I wouldn't go
And we couldn't seem to agree
You got the giggles and I got the shits
Then you wouldn't talk to me


And when we made up and we started again
Your Dad banged on the roof and he yelled:
'What are you two kids up to in there?'
And I shit in me pants as well


Chorus
And it was over ...
Before it began


Verse 5
You hear people say that they'd love to go back
And do things that they did in the past
But if you reckon they were the real good old days
You can go stick 'em right up your arse!


'Cause when I look back how I came and I went
With a tear in me eye I recall
How me, I had a cunt of a night,
But me undies had a ball


Chorus
And it was over ...
Before it began
Click to expand...

They came down from Meekatharra
In a burned-out blue FJ
That farted and just shit itself in Jutland Parade
Right next door to Bondy's
When the smoke had cleared a voice said:
'Eh .. this place look all right
We'll tell the government it's a sacred site
Dead fuckin' easy'

'Good day Mr Alan Bond, how you goin' bloke?
Hey, I'm your brand-new neighbour ... hey, mate you got a smoke?
And I think I'm gonna like it here
Livin' next door to Alan'

Twenty-four kids, 9 adults and 15 dogs
A dead roo on the roof rack and a boot load full of grog
'And I'm flash as Michael Jackson now I'm
Livin' next door to Alan'

'The first thing that we gott a do is get another car
'Cause the one sittin' out the front won't even fuckin' start
We'll call that bloke again from the government
He's all right, eh?'

So they called the bloke in charge of all the government grants
And the next day in the driveway was a new Mercedes Benz
'Eh, come 'n' have a look at this one, Edwin
This one's got a wireless ... look at this, eh'

'Good day Mr Alan Bond, how you goin' mate?
You got a real flash car, but my one's flash one, eh
And I believe that my one's faster than yours, Mr Bond
'Cause mine's a red one'

Twenty-four kids, 9 adults and 15 dogs
All squeezed in the front seat with the wireless turned full on
Listenin' to Slim Dusty now they're
Livin' next door to Alan

So Bondy called Ben Lexcen and said:
'I want another yacht, twice as big
And twice as fast as what I already got
That'll fuck 'em'

So his neighbours called some welfare mob, not to be outdone
And got the HMAS Melbourne on some sorta government loan
Got me knackered -- they just said they wanted to
Go fishin' for yabbies in the river

'Good day Mr Alan Bond, how you goin' mate?
You got a real flash boat, but my one's flash one, eh?
And I think I'm gonna put him in the river
Next door to Alan's

Fifteen dogs, 9 adults, two dozen screaming kids
With lines strung from the flight deck, tryin' to catch some squid
Swimmin', fishin', pissin' in the river
Next door to Alan

So Bondy threw a party,
The likes you've never seen
And invited everybody from the Premier to the Queen --
And the Leyland Brothers

So his neighbours baked bungarra on a barbie on the lawn
And invited all their relatives from Meekatharra to come down
'Hey, Edwin, don't you forget to bring a big flagon of woobla
There's a party on at my 'ouse!'

'I don't know why he's leavin', or where he's gonna go
He says he's got his reasons and I reckon that I know
He just never got used to
Livin' next door to Abos'

'He's jumpin' up and down and he's makin' such a fuss
At least we don't got fuckin' coons livin' next door to us!
Now we gotta get used to not
Livin' next door to Alan

Now we gotta get used to not
Livin' next door to Alan
Click to expand...

Hello operator. i'd like to make a call
Can i have 477 3104?
I'm sorry sir, could you repeat that number once again?
477 3104, did ya get it then?

Could you speak a little slower? 477's all i got
3104, are you bloody deaf or what?
Look, i got the first bit, but i just can't get the last
Well stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse


Stick that fuckin' phone, up your fuckin' arse
You're supposed to fuckin' help, not make it fuckin' hard
I'm just tryin' to make a call, but you're just being smart
So you can stick that fuckin' phone, up your fuckin' arse

Good morning i'm from telecom, come to disconnect your phone
For a breach of regulations just a couple of days ago
You upset our operator with a pretty nasty call
What are you fuckin' on about? it was all her fuckin' fault!

Well she claims that it was all your fault, she really was distressed
What about your customers, she upset me first!
We've got her written statement, which shortly will be read
But it might help if you'd recall exactly what you said

I said...

Stick that fuckin' phone, up your fuckin' arse
You're supposed to fuckin' help, not make it fuckin' hard
I'm just tryin' to make a call, but you're just being smart
So you can stick that fuckin' phone, up your fuckin' arse

Well that's not exactly on sir, it's just not on at all
You must use common etiquette if you wish to make a call
And 'please' and 'thank you' also help, you can't talk to her like that
'please' and fuckin' 'thank you' well you fuckin' tell her that!

And she knows without a telephone i'm really in the shit
Well perhaps if you'd apologise that just might help a bit
Apologise? apologise? apologise to who?
Just go in and ask for operator 42

Good morning, are you waiting? is there something i can do?
Yes, i'd like to speak to operator 42
I'm sorry sir, i missed that, could you repeat what you just said?
Ah shit! i don't believe it! here we fuckin' go again!

Operator 42, look i'll just write it down
Oh operator 42, i'll see if she's around
Jeez, they're bloody useless, i'm sure that they're all deaf
No wonder that i did me quince, no wonder that i said

Stick that fuckin' phone, up your fuckin' arse
You're supposed to fuckin' help, not make it fuckin' hard
I'm just tryin' to make a call, but you're just being smart
So you can stick that fuckin' phone, up your fuckin' arse

Now they'll make me sit around and wait all bloody day
Just so they can make me sweat and have the final say
That's like the public servicem they make you scrape and bow
Arrgghh shit! she's fuckin' ugly, if that's her coming now!

I'm operator 42, i'm busy, make it fast
Did a bloke tell you to stickthat fuckin' phone right up your arse?
Yes he did, the filthy animal, i remember now
Well you'd better fuckin' brace yourself 'cause they're bringing it around!!

Stick that fuckin' phone, up your fuckin' arse
You're supposed to fuckin' help, not make it fuckin' hard
I'm just tryin' to make a call, but you're just being smart
So you can stick that fuckin' phone, up your fuckin' arse

Stick that fuckin' phone, up your fuckin' arse
You're supposed to fuckin' help, not make it fuckin' hard
I'm just tryin' to make a call, but you're just being smart
So you can stick that fuckin' phone, up your fuckin' arse
Click to expand...
 
download the songs... You'll be singing along in no time. They're australian culture icons.
 
[YOUTUBE]Y4fo17kWu0k[/YOUTUBE]

J.D: We'll be...
Friends forever! We're gonna be friends forever!
We will always be true-ooh-ooh!
Friends forever! We're gonna be friends forever!
I'll always be there for you!

We're as close as..

Turk: The vena cava and the aorta!
J.D: We're best friends just like..
Elliot: Amoxicillin and clavulanic acid!
Dr. Kelso: The tibia, the fibula! The left and right ventricle!
Elliot: A hypodermic needle and a latex tourniquet!
All: Diverticulitis and a barium enema!

Dr. Kelso: The vena cava and the aorta!

Elliot: Amoxicillin and clavulanic acid!
All: (We'll be friends forever!)
Dr. Kelso: The tibia, the fibula! The left and right ventricle!
Elliot: A hypodermic needle and a latex tourniquet!
All: (We'll be friends forever!)

Dr. Kelso: The vena cava and the aorta!
Elliot: Amoxicillin and clavulanic acid!
All: (We'll be friends forever!)
Dr. Kelso: The tibia, the fibula! The left and right ventricle!
Elliot: A hypodermic needle and a...
Click to expand...
 
"I wear my pink pajamas, in the summer when it's hot.
I wear my flannel nighties iIn the winter when it's not.
And sometimes in the springtime and sometimes in the fall,
I jump right in between the sheets with nothing on at all.
Chorus:
Glory, glory, Hallelujah;
Glory, glory, What's it to you?
Balmy breezes blowing through ya,
With nothing on at all.
Alternate Verse:
I wake up in the morning with the sheet above my head,
and my little footsie-wotisy are a sticken out of bed,
and three times out of four I find myself upon the floor,
And I'll sware I won't be drinking RC cola any more."
 
"But who would have thought, the things in my head, could really happen in my bed"

Avenue Q-"Fantasies Come True"
 
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