Having options + investment in relationships

[Gaze]

So, I have a theory, which is likely true that people with options or more options don't invest as much in relationships. If you have many options or choices, what the incentive to make a relationship work or last long if you can simply move on to the next fish in the sea.

In other words, do relationships suffer because we don't put as much effort in them because we know we don't have to "settle" or we can go elsewhere if something is not to our liking.

For example, what previous generations of couples did such as compromise or adapt or adjust to their partner's habits, likes or dislikes was more likely because it wasn't considered acceptable to end a relationship or leave if something wasn't going well. Did they make more of an effort to work on a relationship because they didn't have as much choices.

How does having options affect the level of effort and investment placed in a relationship.

Thoughts.

 

[endersgone]

I don't think careers were really (much) of an option for women of previous generations... so they were kind of pigeonholed into relationships/marriage. I see more options as a good thing... they allow us to continue searching until we find someone who compliments our personality/traits well. In having these sort of options there's always a tiny bit of bad that comes with it (higher divorce rates/decreased efforts - due to more options), but I think it's considerably outweighed by the good.

We no longer have to "stick it out" in relationships that simply don't work... I don't think most are apt to invest in a relationship that doesn't work out well or come easily (with good reason). I also can't imagine most people choosing their partners based simply on likes or dislikes (but I'm sure there are some out there that do... to each his own). I think effort come more into play when we find someone worth pursuing... rather than putting all that effort/energy into something/someone incompatible.

 

[Ryo]

So, I have a theory, which is likely true that people with options or more options don't invest as much in relationships. If you have many options or choices, what the incentive to make a relationship work or last long if you can simply move on to the next fish in the sea.

In other words, do relationships suffer because we don't put as much effort in them because we know we don't have to "settle" or we can go elsewhere if something is not to our liking.

For example, what previous generations of couples did such as compromise or adapt or adjust to their partner's habits, likes or dislikes was more likely because it wasn't considered acceptable to end a relationship or leave if something wasn't going well. Did they make more of an effort to work on a relationship because they didn't have as much choices.

How does having options affect the level of effort and investment placed in a relationship.

Thoughts.

I guess I feel like options are sort of a matter of perspective. There are always options but I think most people who invest in relationships do it because they enjoy investing. I know I'm that way. I think there will always be people like that. Those that don't may (in the past) have felt cultural pressure to stay in relationships that they would otherwise have left but I don't know that it's better that way. I know of some BAD marriage stories...

We can make options if we really want to. Or we can ignore them because we like investing right?

 

[bickelz]

I guess it depends on the options. The only option you need to get out of a relationship is "I just don't want to".

If you're talking about more people willing to date you, I would agree.

 

[Trifoilum]

I think we have to consider each person's worth.

YES, to each their own, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, special snowflakes.
BUT to say every person gives equal amount of attraction to every person is impossible. (if not; come here, oh Joshua Bowman. Or Nikolaj Caster-Waldau. COOOOME.)

It'd be hard to move to another option if the one you have tops most, if not all of the options you have. In physical appearance, in personality and behavior, or even in synchronization and compatibility.
That is somewhat of a common sense, but also somewhat....offending, for some. No?
Ladder theory abuses this common sense, I believe.

So it's probably
(Initial attraction + Initial investment)/options

/

(Later attraction + future investment)/options
x 100%

[investment including fidelity / loyalty too]
to put it roughly?

 

[Korg]

You're not wrong, but I don't think it's that simple.

It depends on what values the other options are based upon (sex, love, excitement, etc), where those values rank in the hierarchy of ones ethical system and how they stack up against the state of the existing relationship. I mean, if a woman is in a happy, stable relationship with a man but has a large number of options in the form of wealthy men that are also heavy drinking, workaholics who are known to be unfaithful - she's not likely to quit investing as much in her current relationship. But if she's on the verge of poverty in her current relationship, she may be far more likely to invest less.

 

[Sriracha]

I'm not so sure you will get the best opinion from the INFJs, as we tend to "look" for the perfect relationship.

I think people are bit more self-aware and have become more picky when it comes to compatibility in present day. Ever since women have become equals in society, they've screwed up the big plan that one must settle down, marry and have children. Women are now allowed to be picky in whom they marry. Women created AWARENESS of large issues stifled by the power of men.

In generations before, divorce was absolutely frowned upon, as was birth of children out of wedlock. Women were trapped financially and they wouldn't be able to bear the stigma society would place upon them if they left their husband. There were virtually no services available for battered women. You have to remember that child abuse laws didn't exist until the early 1970s as well. There were NO OPTIONS.

I believe both partners benefit from having options. We live in a different world today, I wouldn't want it any other way.