How do i help "my" 6?

[Psilo]

He is extremely important to me, one of two people i feel safe and stimulated with/by. He happens to be the only person i cant read as well as id like to. Im a 5w6 i understand where he comes from but how to help him, hes trying his best to resist his abusive ex - she wont be with him but refuses to let him go.
I would type him as a INFP and hes definately a 6. Right now hes in the downward spiral of a more and more dysfunctional 6 and he swings between communicating with me and being completelly unable to communicate at all. Personally in this situation i would respond to a bit of pushing from this individual but he wont be responsive to this at all. Im his confidant and he is mine, i know he craves my detached and sensible calm and my help but i have a hard time finding my equilibrium around him since i dont want to push the thoughts which are so obvious to me, on to him simply because i dont want to push him down to say level 8 or 9 of dysfunctional 6.
Some 6's please help a girl out - its so odd that i have such difficulties with him. Im thinking its becaue for the first time in 7 years hes made me care again (in a hearts and flowers way) his 6-ways have thawed me out and i dont even know how it happened...and now i can not f*ck this up with my INFJ/5 bluntness.
I want to try and bring him out of his shell more, to make him forget for short periods of time but ever since i discovered i care deeply im unable to see it, its thrown me for such a loop.

 

[Faye]

What is the problem? Why would he have trouble communicating with you? And why wont he get rid of her completely?

 

[Trifoilum]

INFP. 6.

I think one of the ways you could help him is to show to him that he is capable of solving his own problems, surviving his own danger.
But then, it goes into his standard of 'safety'; how perfectionist are he? My part of growth as a 6w5 is that security is something more like a shade, rather than a complete security-lack of security kind of dichotomy. And depending on which shade it is, I found myself capable of surviving myself --or not.
I also lowered my effort of keeping my 'perfect record' (which probably have hindered me more times than not.) without lowering his standard of perfectionism (which probably have helped him more times than not.)

To put it simply, help him keep his standard, but assure and teach him that he don't have to achieve that standard all the time. Most often if we cannot achieve that standard of safety we will back out and hide in the corner (procrastinate, or ended up loathing that same thing we've been doing).

And the other thing is something you'd done; be a good friend. Listen to his problems and give advices. But don't trap him. All my good friends done this without trapping me into them too much by solving my problems; I will be thankful in the short term, but in longer term, I understood that at times I'd make them my shields instead of confidant. Not good for me, or my friends, or anyone. Let him solve his own problems, (or teach him by solving your problems yourself) but stay with them.

With his abusive ex...I think the best help is by indirectly (showing the path), but I don't know the exact solution. I don't have this problem, but along of my growth I've had the help of several NTs and they are better in this aspect, with their detached and logical ways of explaining.