How do you know 'who you are'?

[Paladin-X]

Sorry TDHT, I'm going to borrow the following statement you made in another thread to make a new discussion. I am not picking on you.

I'm beginning to see a pattern for people who scorn the wishy-washy in favour of someone who knows who they are.

I believe I know who I am, but I think I might give off the appearance of someone that is wishy-washy. Regardless, my understanding of things seem to be miles away from everyone else, so I am confused as to the common understanding of the phrase.

What does it mean to 'know who you are'?

 

[Billy]

I think that perhaps she meant, know what you want. Who we are is almost unanswerable in the grand cosmic scheme of things. but we can know what we want, and in a way those desires give us a dimension and a border for other people to judge us by externally.

 

[Stu]

Mostly folks are talking about their personalities when they say they know who they are.

The personality, the persona, is as compromise between the collective consciousness and the individual consciousness. In other words it is largely a role we inhabit that is as much about what we think society wants us to be and what we actually are.

The first step in truly knowing yourself requires seeing this. Then there is the arduous task of picking out what is and is not you.

 

[sassafras]

I think that perhaps she meant, know what you want. Who we are is almost unanswerable in the grand cosmic scheme of things. but we can know what we want, and in a way those desires give us a dimension and a border for other people to judge us by externally.

A much more succinct explanation than what I was prepared to offer, but absolutely true. Thanks Billy.

 

[Sriracha]

You know who you are when you understand, accept and embrace your talents, skills and limitations.

 

[knight in battle]

Who you are is the person you want to become, in the best possible light.
Who you are is also who you want to be right now, how you want to behave naturally, unconstrained by pressures.

Your words and some of your actions and reactions are only hints.

 

[Paladin-X]

I think that perhaps she meant, know what you want. Who we are is almost unanswerable in the grand cosmic scheme of things. but we can know what we want, and in a way those desires give us a dimension and a border for other people to judge us by externally.

Oh I see. I'm screwed then. I have ADHD. What I want changes every other minute. :O

Case in point. My Nissan dealership called me in yesterday to discuss a trade-in of my old Altima. I went to see what they had to say. 2 hours later I walked out with a fully loaded Pathfinder. I had no intention of buying a new almost double the price vehicle. But I did. On a whim. Sad face Paladin-X. Sad face.

Last year my sister and brother-in-law were moving across the country and staying with me. There is no way that any landlord would allow my Lab and her two Pitbulls. So I bought a house.

I quit smoking on a whim too. I finished my pack of smokes one day 4 years ago and thought that it might be a good time to quit then. So I did.

Career wise I have been stable though. At least until now, where I am working on an education to move into a different field. Though I did not up and quit at least.

Prior to that, my only other life goal was to have a family. That is all that I ever wanted. I am nowhere near to reaching that goal.

 

[the]

"Know who you are" just learn as you go. I'm not a second person looking in on myself. I am myself, and know more about me than I know about anyone else; plus I know more than anyone knows about me except maybe my parents.

In the grand scheme of things its kind of meaningless. By the time you learn the maximum amount you will know about yourself you die the next second. (unless you have Alzheimers or something)

 

[Paladin-X]

Oh I see. I'm screwed then. I have ADHD. What I want changes every other minute. :O

Case in point. My Nissan dealership called me in yesterday to discuss a trade-in of my old Altima. I went to see what they had to say. 2 hours later I walked out with a fully loaded Pathfinder. I had no intention of buying a new almost double the price vehicle. But I did. On a whim. Sad face Paladin-X. Sad face.

Last year my sister and brother-in-law were moving across the country and staying with me. There is no way that any landlord would allow my Lab and her two Pitbulls. So I bought a house.

I quit smoking on a whim too. I finished my pack of smokes one day 4 years ago and thought that it might be a good time to quit then. So I did.

Career wise I have been stable though. At least until now, where I am working on an education to move into a different field. Though I did not up and quit at least.

Prior to that, my only other life goal was to have a family. That is all that I ever wanted. I am nowhere near to reaching that goal.

Haha funny enough all of those whims have the underlying goal of having a family as motivation. I just noticed that now while re-reading what I wrote. I quit smoking to increase my chances of meeting girls. While I did buy a house almost on a whim, the house I chose was because it was a 5 bedroom house with a decent backyard. My Altima was the sportier two-door version with absolutely no trunk space. My Pathfinder seats 7 if need be. I think kids underly most of my motives. Hmmm.... I really need to sign-up for Big Brothers or something.

 

[Gaze]

Sorry TDHT, I'm going to borrow the following statement you made in another thread to make a new discussion. I am not picking on you.



I believe I know who I am, but I think I might give off the appearance of someone that is wishy-washy. Regardless, my understanding of things seem to be miles away from everyone else, so I am confused as to the common understanding of the phrase.

What does it mean to 'know who you are'?

I think I've written stuff like this a million times before, so forgive me for repeating but I think it's relevant.

I think knowing who you are from world's perspective has more to do with Fe and Fi. You can be strongly connected to who you are, but yet not seem or appear to know who you are especially if you're good at blending in or conforming to meet outside expectations. The world values "strong identiteis" or strong statements of belief in who someone is. When there's vagueness or lack of clarity, we tend to think there is too much room for uncertainty. People tend to think someone knows who they are if they are quite outwardly certain about how they think or feel or if they project or portray a "confident" presence. Problem with this is that recognition of this self is based on whether others can detect and recognize this so-called strong or clear sense of self in someone. Which is not really a great way to judge people. For example, I question things quite a bit, and sometimes uncertain about what I like or how I feel because I am weighing different possibilities. But this quality is often seen as "wishy washy". I may express agreement or consideration of many different ideas without giving a decided opinion one way or another. I may try to see both sides. This is often considered weak. So, some may see this, may be labeled as someone who doesn't know who they are because they are not expressing a strong clear statement of point of view. I see this everyday. If you're not able to confidently say you feel or think this or that, people think you're a wishy washy. I can also be soft spoken (voice) and personality, and so when I sometimes express myself, I am not seen as being forceful or verbal, or definitive in manner of speaking which people interpret as not being sure of oneself. All this is a matter of perception. We live in a world which says, "you must show me outward proof" of who you are, sort of like "pics or it didn't happen'. It's never ever enough to be with how you feel internally, because there is always someone who sees what you portray differently and interprets it fit their perception of you. And I know I've said this in other threads, but not everyone has the luxury of being able to be who they are or want to be and have that be accepted by everyone. Much of what we do every day involves some sort of compromise with the world, which influence the self we are or think we are.

 

[muir]

Mostly folks are talking about their personalities when they say they know who they are.

The personality, the persona, is as compromise between the collective consciousness and the individual consciousness. In other words it is largely a role we inhabit that is as much about what we think society wants us to be and what we actually are.

The first step in truly knowing yourself requires seeing this. Then there is the arduous task of picking out what is and is not you.

This

If work is done on this everything else will fall into place

 

[sassafras]

I'd like to respectfully put in that there is a difference between being a malleable and adaptable person and someone who is constantly second-guessing themselves and their identity. The latter intertwines with 'should's' and 'shouldn't's' that arise out of the struggle to align ourselves with the expectations of others for the sole purpose of acceptance. Digging a little further, this rests on the bedrock fear that who we are as ourselves is not 'good enough.' Therefore, the root of this is a lack of self-confidence that results in a desire to 'try on different masks' and see which fits.

Unfortunately, this is a looped road with no finish line; a trick arising out of our lack of confidence that we allow our psyches to play on us. As long as we stay in a 'self-questioning' phase, we are able to delay the decisions that would put us out in the real world and let it test our mettle. If we stay in the 'work in progress' stage, we can conveniently blame our 'failures' on the fact that we haven't found ourselves yet. It's a type of arrested development based solely on fear and aversion to vulnerability. (And there's nothing wrong with vulnerability, as discussed here in this TED Talk on the subject)

In MBTI terms, perhaps this does indeed coincide with Fi and it's constant self-questioning and self-monitoring, but it does not necessarily mean it's a trademark of a normal INFP or ISFP. People forget that they have their other functions to support them on their journey and that they do not need to rely on a single cognitive function, but rather a balance of several. Every type needs to progress past their preferred and dominant functions in order to become well-rounded person. Healthy MBTI types embrace the balance of their functions. Unhealthy get stuck in a function loop that coincides with unhealthy mind-habits, such as depression or anxiety.

I guess what I'm saying is that while it's normal to sometimes struggle with bouts of identity crises, but if the problem is a constant, agonizing inner battle that interferes with our quality of living and our abilities to make meaningful decisions in our lives, perhaps it's time to consider why this is happening; how is it benefiting us? Is it really self-identity that's the problem here or does the analysis-paralysis afford some means of escapism? If that's the case, the raw and inconvenient truth is that people do pick up on it and it does indeed appear 'wishy-washy' in a most negative way.

 

[muir]

I think that having children is a serious business; it is a change in your life from putting yourself first to always putting others first

I think the individuation process is a process that leads to greater balance and that a person shouldn't, imo, think about having kids until they have balanced themself out

Of course none of this is an exact science, i'm just expressing my opinion, but i'd also argue that a relationship shouldn't be seen as a means to an end (ie to have children) but should really be a focus in and of itself because raising children is hard enough for two people with a strong bond to do; only if the relationship has been tried and tested over a period of time should children be contemplated, because they can't be sold or traded like a house or car

If however a person is swimming in their unresolved complexes these might make the ride a lot more bumpy, because parenting is essentially about being a role model

 

[Paladin-X]

I think that having children is a serious business; it is a change in your life from putting yourself first to always putting others first

I think the individuation process is a process that leads to greater balance and that a person shouldn't, imo, think about having kids until they have balanced themself out

Of course none of this is an exact science, i'm just expressing my opinion, but i'd also argue that a relationship shouldn't be seen as a means to an end (ie to have children) but should really be a focus in and of itself because raising children is hard enough for two people with a strong bond to do; only if the relationship has been tried and tested over a period of time should children be contemplated, because they can't be sold or traded like a house or car

If however a person is swimming in their unresolved complexes these might make the ride a lot more bumpy, because parenting is essentially about being a role model

Are you suggesting that I should not have kids or a relationship until I've balanced myself out? Can you please explain the intention behind your remarks? I do not want to jump to any conclusions. My first feeling is hurt, then anger. So I am reluctant to respond without understanding where you are coming from.

I will add this though, raising children is not a decision based on whim. I have long thought about this from childhood. I am very fond of kids. I used to babysit my cousin's 3 kids every weekend. It wasn't always pleasant, but I enjoyed every minute of it. I was 15-16 at the time. The reason why I am consistent career-wise is that I strive to be a provider. In a relationship I am very attentive, respectful, loving, and fiercely loyal. The same is true of their children if they have any.

My life is empty. How can I strive for balance when a fundamental piece of what I want is missing? I do not have friends that I go and hang out with all the time. My only friends are people I work with and you guys. The only things I really want to do is change diapers, listen to them cry, play catch, or have princess tea parties, help them with homework, drive them around, take them to sports or dance, etc etc. I have little interest in doing 'individualistic' type activities. I live for others. People can judge me for it, but I am ok with who I am. I live to serve the needs of others. This brings me joy (as long as I'm not being taken advantage of, which happens often, but I will not change that about me because someone might take advantage).

This absence weighs heavily on my heart and it takes everything I have to make it through another day alone. I am starting to accept that I will probably never get to have a family of my own. Which is why I put every ounce of energy into my psychology research. So that even though I will most likely not have the opportunity to have kids of my own, I can try to save other families from being torn apart by mental disorders.

 

[Soulful]

If our lives are canvases, and who we are are colours, the act of living is the act of painting. What makes you you is all of these. It is how you apply the paint onto the canvas, the colours you choose, the awareness of choosing the colours, and on and on. You are the painter and the painting. A painting painting itself. You are that act. To know who you are is to paint consciously. Sometimes it is to simply try, to reach for where you might reside, where you think you may connect within yourself.

 

[Trifoilum]

I think that perhaps she meant, know what you want. Who we are is almost unanswerable in the grand cosmic scheme of things. but we can know what we want, and in a way those desires give us a dimension and a border for other people to judge us by externally.

Mostly folks are talking about their personalities when they say they know who they are.

The personality, the persona, is as compromise between the collective consciousness and the individual consciousness. In other words it is largely a role we inhabit that is as much about what we think society wants us to be and what we actually are.

The first step in truly knowing yourself requires seeing this. Then there is the arduous task of picking out what is and is not you.

You know who you are when you understand, accept and embrace your talents, skills and limitations.

Who you are is the person you want to become, in the best possible light.
Who you are is also who you want to be right now, how you want to behave naturally, unconstrained by pressures.

Your words and some of your actions and reactions are only hints.

Ultimately, my opinions are all of this.

Who are we?
Are we our images?
Are we our secrets?
Are we our talents?
Are we our flaws?
Are we our past?
Are we our future?
Are we our possibilities?
Are we our desires?
Are we our personality?
Are we our achievements?
Are we our actions?
Are we our visions?
Are we our knowledge?
Are we our words?
Are we our feelings?
Are we our thoughts?
Are we our love?
Who are we?

And ultimately, it's as @oceanbreeze said;
we are all but paintings, each of the above, the paints.

 

[Paladin-X]

In the Dyslexia program I took, I learned about the concept of Self. I did not understand Self. What I was taught is that it is the collection of my thoughts, my wisdom, my experiences, and my knowledge. To me this makes a great deal of sense.

 

[muir]

Are you suggesting that I should not have kids or a relationship until I've balanced myself out? Can you please explain the intention behind your remarks? I do not want to jump to any conclusions. My first feeling is hurt, then anger. So I am reluctant to respond without understanding where you are coming from.

I will add this though, raising children is not a decision based on whim. I have long thought about this from childhood. I am very fond of kids. I used to babysit my cousin's 3 kids every weekend. It wasn't always pleasant, but I enjoyed every minute of it. I was 15-16 at the time. The reason why I am consistent career-wise is that I strive to be a provider. In a relationship I am very attentive, respectful, loving, and fiercely loyal. The same is true of their children if they have any.

My life is empty. How can I strive for balance when a fundamental piece of what I want is missing? I do not have friends that I go and hang out with all the time. My only friends are people I work with and you guys. The only things I really want to do is change diapers, listen to them cry, play catch, or have princess tea parties, help them with homework, drive them around, take them to sports or dance, etc etc. I have little interest in doing 'individualistic' type activities. I live for others. People can judge me for it, but I am ok with who I am. I live to serve the needs of others. This brings me joy (as long as I'm not being taken advantage of, which happens often, but I will not change that about me because someone might take advantage).

This absence weighs heavily on my heart and it takes everything I have to make it through another day alone. I am starting to accept that I will probably never get to have a family of my own. Which is why I put every ounce of energy into my psychology research. So that even though I will most likely not have the opportunity to have kids of my own, I can try to save other families from being torn apart by mental disorders.

Hi sorry i didn't reply earlier i've been away from my computer for days

No don't take it personally...i don't know anything about you

I'm making a general statement which was clarifying a point i made earlier. It's not directed at you but is a general statement expressing my feelings on the matter; take from it what you want or totally discard it if you wish

I wish you the best in achieving your dreams

 

[Shaqie]

I know who I am. I am a cat.

 

[Paladin-X]

Hi sorry i didn't reply earlier i've been away from my computer for days

No don't take it personally...i don't know anything about you

I'm making a general statement which was clarifying a point i made earlier. It's not directed at you but is a general statement expressing my feelings on the matter; take from it what you want or totally discard it if you wish

I wish you the best in achieving your dreams

No worries.