How Much Time is Too Much

[Fuyuko]

How much time with someone you love is too much? Do you need time apart to fan the flame? Has overexposure (or whatever) been the cause of any of your break ups?

Is it okay if I create threads?

 

[David54]

I think that is very individual. for me, the more time together the better and the last thing I want is time away, but I am quite sure others will feel differently. Now having said that, I do think that time apart to process the relationship and may actually be a good thing in the long run. . so I guess I can discuss both extremes, and agree with both extremes.
and yes, thread away. .

 

[java]

Is it okay if I create threads?

Absolutely! That's what forums are for.

I think that is very individual. for me, the more time together the better and the last thing I want is time away, but I am quite sure others will feel differently. Now having said that, I do think that time apart to process the relationship and may actually be a good thing in the long run. . so I guess I can discuss both extremes, and agree with both extremes.
and yes, thread away. .

Yes, there are no right answers. Some people need to be close, others need more space. Best is probably to know what you want and communicate about it.

 

[Pin]

How much time with someone you love is too much?

When it starts to impact my productivity.

Do you need time apart to fan the flame?

Yeah.

Has overexposure (or whatever) been the cause of any of your break ups?

Nope, I don't really date. The occasional bit of feelings comes up but it's nothing major.

Is it okay if I create threads?

The more, the merrier.

 

[dragulagu]

How much time with someone you love is too much? Do you need time apart to fan the flame? Has overexposure (or whatever) been the cause of any of your break ups?
Yes

Is it okay if I create threads?
Yes

 

[Deleted member 16771]

How much time with someone you love is too much?

I think that a relationship ought to cultivate both the 'we' and the 'I'.

The 'we' can be a beautiful, transcendent thing, and it needs time and intimacy to grow. At the same time, however, it shouldn't have so much time devoted to it that the 'I' is neglected in either partner.

This isn't just because there is inherent worth in cultivating the 'self', but also because it's ultimately nourishing to the 'we', too. Each partner works on themselves and feeds the partnership with new food for growth, while also taking succour from the partnership itself.

This can become a virtuous circle, where the growth of the 'we' gives energy to the work on the 'I', and vice versa, and you both ascend together.

This virtuous cycle can be interrupted by an overbalance in either area, but the key to maintaining it will always be communication and the openness to adjustment.

Do you need time apart to fan the flame?

Hmm... like I say, in the context of the virtuous cycle I described above, time to ourselves is necessary, but it's a bit different when this time apart is being used to try to artificially generate some longing.

Has overexposure (or whatever) been the cause of any of your break ups?

No.

 

[JustPhil]

@Deleted member 16771

Re

The 'we' can be a beautiful, transcendent thing, and it needs time and intimacy to grow. At the same time, however, it shouldn't have so much time devoted to it that the 'I' is neglected in either partner.

Do you feel that perhaps INFJs or even perhaps other groups can give so much of themselves that they forget about the "I" though?

I read somewhere that INFJs can be people-pleasers (as can other types) often forgetting their own needs in trying to please their partners.

I certainly see myself in this category. A need to please, a need also to have the perfect relationship. Perhaps negating my own need to take time for myself, which in turn only ends up causing problems in itself.

I think the other comment of time apart to fan the flames could be in my case time apart to assess the relationship more objectively rather than being there on the front line. Then I am taking time out to work on those little thoughts that otherwise would get buried in that people pleasing need I have and never get addressed and resolved.

 

[Fuyuko]

I think that a relationship ought to cultivate both the 'we' and the 'I'.

The 'we' can be a beautiful, transcendent thing, and it needs time and intimacy to grow. At the same time, however, it shouldn't have so much time devoted to it that the 'I' is neglected in either partner.

This isn't just because there is inherent worth in cultivating the 'self', but also because it's ultimately nourishing to the 'we', too. Each partner works on themselves and feeds the partnership with new food for growth, while also taking succour from the partnership itself.

This can become a virtuous circle, where the growth of the 'we' gives energy to the work on the 'I', and vice versa, and you both ascend together.

This virtuous cycle can be interrupted by an overbalance in either area, but the key to maintaining it will always be communication and the openness to adjustment.


Hmm... like I say, in the context of the virtuous cycle I described above, time to ourselves is necessary, but it's a bit different when this time apart is being used to try to artificially generate some longing.


No.

Feel like this is real wisdom. Thank you very much for sharing.

 

[G4RiiM]

no such thing as too much time with someone you truly love

 

[slant]

I haven't ever been in a relationship, but based on my friendships, I need a lot of time to myself to recharge and also to do hobbies and fulfilling things. I'd say if you live together a lot of time apart might be healthy. But if you don't live together, for me, my ideal time spent with partner would probably be a couple evenings a week. Enough to feel loved but also enough to do my own shit.