how social are you? ever feel exhausted?

[EMocoaster]

I spend most my time alone, and if I have to do something with people I get sensory overload within 10 min and just want to leave immediately. Often I can't and get really agitated like an electric powerplant. Its like my nervous systems just says; "Go full throttle". It makes me appear anxious, hell maybe it even makes me anxious, but I still feel the entire room in a way, and at least that makes me somewhat confident to weigh up for my extreme sensitivity to basically everything and everyone. I just get so overwhelmed by other peoples words and personalities that I have to sleep for like 4 hours afterwards, and it inhibits my ability to express myself freely in larger groups where everyone is so damn loud and speak before they think. Team meetings at work is death for me. If its an agenda its fine but the casual smalltalk chit chat about stupid shit I just cant do it.

So the question is?
Do you also get easily overwhelmed?
How social are you? and how long does it take for you to recover?

When not having slept much and 3 cups of coffee im all haywire and it takes sometimes a whole day to get back to normal<

 

[John K]

Hi @EMocoaster and welcome to the forum . It would be useful to know a little more about you, because it's hard to reply easily otherwise. Maybe you could say something more about yourself in the Introductions area?:
https://www.infjs.com/forums/introductions.7/

In my experience, all us INFJs become overwhelmed by intensive social situations and have to withdraw to recharge our batteries. This happens to other introverts too, but for us it's as much to do with inferior extraverted sensing overload as it is about the people interactions. I have the same sort of problem if I spend too long shopping on a busy, noisy high street, or if I spend too long looking at the covers in a book store, or if I drive for more than an hour or so on very busy roads. What I find helps in unavoidable social situations is to accept we are going to listen far more than drive the session, unless we are leading a meeting or know the people very well and can relax with them. Back that up if you can with good excuses for regular escapes for a few minutes at a time - the loo, an urgent message, the coffee machine, etc. That doesn't have to mean being a wallflower - we can get very positive response by listening to people and acknowledging what they say. It tells them that someone is listening and cares. You can build on this outside the noisy meeting context by getting to know better the individuals you are more comfortable with. As time goes by, you will find that many of the people in the meetings are ones you are friendly with and that will help you to relax. I find that I feel like an intruder at first in most new social situations, but I've learned to persist, stay as cool as possible, let things settle for a few weeks, or even months - and that makes a very big difference to my comfort levels eventually.

Do try and turn down the sensitivity of your Ni/Fe antenna if you can. There is no obligation on us to listen and be aware of every little emotional flutter, still less to bother about other peoples' deep problems that are showing up indirectly in the way they express themselves. It's a bit like shutting your eyes when you are facing the sun, or like putting sunglasses on - there's a knack to it, but it's well worthwhile to filter out a lot of the noise. It's so easy for us to pick these things up that folks express in their tone of voice and body language, or in their particular turns of phrase, and take them personally, but they are rarely anything to do with us, and often the others don't realise they are broadcasting that way.

Of course, I'm assuming that you aren't a lone introverted intuitive in a business full mainly of sensors - I had to travel internationally to a conference many years ago with a group of in-your-face extraverted computer salesman and I think I earned 500 years remission from Purgatory on the back of it . They were great guys but not people I could cope with day to day, long term. If you are in a job like that, then seriously consider getting out if you value your health because you would be in their shadows and they are in yours - we can adapt to this (clumsily) for a while but it takes a huge amount of our emotional and nervous energy to do it and it drains us very rapidly.

 

[aeon]

I spend a lot of time alone, but I also like being around people—people who are relatively calm and laid-back. Loud people will drain me quickly.

Do you also get easily overwhelmed?

Only in dense crowds, and given COVID, I barely remember those. That’s a combination of noise level and (lack of) body space.

How social are you?

More than most introverts, and less than most extroverts. I can go days without social engagement, and that’s okay, but I don’t avoid engagement either. Owing to my subtype, I prefer dyadic engagement over all other.

and how long does it take for you to recover?

Overnight, but that’s as much a question of being tired from disability as it is social engagement. In general, engagement energizes me—I am, after all, an extrovert. A quiet extrovert, but an extrovert nonetheless.

Welcome to the forum!

Cheers,
Ian

 

[EMocoaster]

Hi @EMocoaster and welcome to the forum . It would be useful to know a little more about you, because it's hard to reply easily otherwise. Maybe you could say something more about yourself in the Introductions area?:
https://www.infjs.com/forums/introductions.7/

In my experience, all us INFJs become overwhelmed by intensive social situations and have to withdraw to recharge our batteries. This happens to other introverts too, but for us it's as much to do with inferior extraverted sensing overload as it is about the people interactions. I have the same sort of problem if I spend too long shopping on a busy, noisy high street, or if I spend too long looking at the covers in a book store, or if I drive for more than an hour or so on very busy roads. What I find helps in unavoidable social situations is to accept we are going to listen far more than drive the session, unless we are leading a meeting or know the people very well and can relax with them. Back that up if you can with good excuses for regular escapes for a few minutes at a time - the loo, an urgent message, the coffee machine, etc. That doesn't have to mean being a wallflower - we can get very positive response by listening to people and acknowledging what they say. It tells them that someone is listening and cares. You can build on this outside the noisy meeting context by getting to know better the individuals you are more comfortable with. As time goes by, you will find that many of the people in the meetings are ones you are friendly with and that will help you to relax. I find that I feel like an intruder at first in most new social situations, but I've learned to persist, stay as cool as possible, let things settle for a few weeks, or even months - and that makes a very big difference to my comfort levels eventually.

Do try and turn down the sensitivity of your Ni/Fe antenna if you can. There is no obligation on us to listen and be aware of every little emotional flutter, still less to bother about other peoples' deep problems that are showing up indirectly in the way they express themselves. It's a bit like shutting your eyes when you are facing the sun, or like putting sunglasses on - there's a knack to it, but it's well worthwhile to filter out a lot of the noise. It's so easy for us to pick these things up that folks express in their tone of voice and body language, or in their particular turns of phrase, and take them personally, but they are rarely anything to do with us, and often the others don't realise they are broadcasting that way.

Of course, I'm assuming that you aren't a lone introverted intuitive in a business full mainly of sensors - I had to travel internationally to a conference many years ago with a group of in-your-face extraverted computer salesman and I think I earned 500 years remission from Purgatory on the back of it . They were great guys but not people I could cope with day to day, long term. If you are in a job like that, then seriously consider getting out if you value your health because you would be in their shadows and they are in yours - we can adapt to this (clumsily) for a while but it takes a huge amount of our emotional and nervous energy to do it and it drains us very rapidly.

amazing!! Thanks for sharing love the analogy of putting on sunglasses. And laughed when ir had about the computer salesman

 

[EMocoaster]

I spend a lot of time alone, but I also like being around people—people who are relatively calm and laid-back. Loud people will drain me quickly.



Only in dense crowds, and given COVID, I barely remember those. That’s a combination of noise level and (lack of) body space.



More than most introverts, and less than most extroverts. I can go days without social engagement, and that’s okay, but I don’t avoid engagement either. Owing to my subtype, I prefer dyadic engagement over all other.



Overnight, but that’s as much a question of being tired from disability as it is social engagement. In general, engagement energizes me—I am, after all, an extrovert. A quiet extrovert, but an extrovert nonetheless.

Welcome to the forum!

Cheers,
Ian

I love ENFPS, you guys have a calming effect on us like nobody else. If I can point out the most fun people in my life its mostly you guys. Thnx for sharing