INFJ conflicted about ESFP boyfriend

M

Miranda Rush

One
MBTI
INFJ
Hi, new INFJ forum member here. I've been dating my boyfriend, who is an ESFP for 2.5 years. He is super sweet, treats me very well, emotionally intelligent, and caring. However, lately I'm feeling like we have a lot of issues that make me question the long term of our relationship. For one, he has zero follow through with things. He seems very open to self improvement and improving our relationship, but he says things and then never follows through with them. I believe he has good intentions, but he just has a lot of trouble following through. He says it's his ADHD that causes trouble following through with things and I can sympathize with that, but it's still very frustrating in our relationship, regardless of the reasoning. He also has difficulty adapting to change, which naturally causes issues for him not just in our relationship, but in his everyday life. Currently, we are gridlocked in disagreement about me moving into his apartment. He wants me to move in, but everything and anything I bring into his apartment causes a problem, because it's change and he doesn't know how to adjust to that. I brought in a single table lamp for my side of the bed and we got into a huge fight about it. I really love him, but I'm just not sure if these are issues that we can work out. Does anyone else have any experience with anything like this that could offer some helpful tips? Thanks.
 
Miranda Rush said:
Hi, new INFJ forum member here. I've been dating my boyfriend, who is an ESFP for 2.5 years. He is super sweet, treats me very well, emotionally intelligent, and caring. However, lately I'm feeling like we have a lot of issues that make me question the long term of our relationship. For one, he has zero follow through with things. He seems very open to self improvement and improving our relationship, but he says things and then never follows through with them. I believe he has good intentions, but he just has a lot of trouble following through. He says it's his ADHD that causes trouble following through with things and I can sympathize with that, but it's still very frustrating in our relationship, regardless of the reasoning. He also has difficulty adapting to change, which naturally causes issues for him not just in our relationship, but in his everyday life. Currently, we are gridlocked in disagreement about me moving into his apartment. He wants me to move in, but everything and anything I bring into his apartment causes a problem, because it's change and he doesn't know how to adjust to that. I brought in a single table lamp for my side of the bed and we got into a huge fight about it. I really love him, but I'm just not sure if these are issues that we can work out. Does anyone else have any experience with anything like this that could offer some helpful tips? Thanks.
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I can't believe you tried to bring a table lamp. Completely unacceptable.

This kind of fighting over minor issues is hard to comprehend but sounds like it's a manifestation of deeper issues - there is some anxiety and uncertainty on both sides of the relationship by the sounds of it.

I think you simply need to have a frank discussion with him about your concerns, and encourage him to open up about his. Use his strengths - that EQ can be a great boon here. Open with how you feel.
 
Just delineate your territory within the apartment. Those areas are now yours.
If he has any sort of issue with this, don't move in with him.
 
Miranda Rush said:
Hi, new INFJ forum member here. I've been dating my boyfriend, who is an ESFP for 2.5 years. He is super sweet, treats me very well, emotionally intelligent, and caring. However, lately I'm feeling like we have a lot of issues that make me question the long term of our relationship. For one, he has zero follow through with things. He seems very open to self improvement and improving our relationship, but he says things and then never follows through with them. I believe he has good intentions, but he just has a lot of trouble following through. He says it's his ADHD that causes trouble following through with things and I can sympathize with that, but it's still very frustrating in our relationship, regardless of the reasoning. He also has difficulty adapting to change, which naturally causes issues for him not just in our relationship, but in his everyday life. Currently, we are gridlocked in disagreement about me moving into his apartment. He wants me to move in, but everything and anything I bring into his apartment causes a problem, because it's change and he doesn't know how to adjust to that. I brought in a single table lamp for my side of the bed and we got into a huge fight about it. I really love him, but I'm just not sure if these are issues that we can work out. Does anyone else have any experience with anything like this that could offer some helpful tips? Thanks.
Click to expand...
I'm a person with diagnosed ADHD and there are many legitimate issues in day to day life that this creates and it has to be deliberately managed.

My question is:

Has he been officially diagnosed?

Is he being medicated for it?

Does he utilize anything like a planner or other techniques to help him manage his ADHD?
 
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