"Little Raven"

[tfg345i4u5lw]

.

 

[bickelz]

This is good but idk if you should send it to her. Is she close? How long have you known her? Would it be creepy/out of the blue?

Whatever you send, keep it on the shorter side. I once had a friend who sent an ex girlfriend a 9 page, single-spaced paper about her right after they broke up. I don't know what it was about, but it was weird.

 

[DimensionX]

@ImNotFullyDressed

This may just be a culture difference....but I believe the word "oozing" should never be sent to a girl in the form of poetry unless in the context of wound, though I may just be old fashioned that way

I thought this line was cute though:

in a caged world your freedom feels like a safe haven
never lose your wings "Little Raven"

: )

I probably wouldn't send that...though, am I to assume that you're aiming to "hit that", as they say? Also I'm not sure from the following sentence the word ironically suites:

"One of the origins of the name Brenda is "Little Raven". Ironically, she is a free bird."

It was nice to read, keep at it! : )

 

[Chamomile]

Beautiful! I love your imagery.

As for your question from a chick perspective: If I got this from a guy I already knew liked me and I was remotely receptive to his feelings, I'd really treasure it. But I'd probably be a little intimidated by the physicality in the first lineunless it was pretty established that he's into me.

If I had NO idea my friend liked me and he sent me this, I'd feel confused, a little deceived that he already feels this much and hadn't told me, wondering if I misinterpreted it and too scared to ask, and very awkward next time I was around him. And the first line would then scare me a lot. It'd make him an unknown variable, essentially. That can make chicks flighty.

If she doesn't know, I'd reword the first line, tweak it to match, and give it to her as a friend poem. Make it about who she is, rather than how she makes you feel. We like knowing we make you feel good, but we like knowing you like who we are more. She'll see you a little differently (in a good way) just by knowing you see her so clearly and like her so much as a person. Also, keep this poem so that down the road if things progress, you can show her how you really felt from the beginning and that would probably mean a lot to her.

'The hardest thing in the world is telling the girl you love that you like her.' -Lex Luthor

 

[Auburn]

This poem.. seems written to a lover. *smiles*



if you're actually wondering whether to send it or not, I would suggest not to..

because i feel something like this should be shared only with one whom you already know will embrace it.

they seem words of a continuation of intimacy, of assurance for one who already knows you love them,

but perhaps not words for one who doesn't already hold you in that place.



But I am a loner, so don't listen to any romantic advice from me. o.o;

 

[barbad0s]

Unless you guys were lovers, or were very close friends, I'd find it creepy.

 

[acd]

I want to kiss you from your values to your stomach

Insert different words where bolded.

you sat down to me, like an angel from the skies

Change that word.

and woman of your type can't be typed

Do not reference mbti in poetry.


And yes, NEVER use the word "ooze" when referring to a lady's graces.



If you send her a poem, it's going to be a risk, only you can say whether or not it's worth it.
Actually, if you send anything keep it short and sweet and something she'll have to interpret... I agree with whoever said that a poem this gushy should only be shared with someone who knows you love them and who loves you in the same way in return...

I'd say just send just these lines:

In a caged world your freedom feels like a safe haven
never lose your wings "Little Raven"