For various reasons, that's not an entirely inaccurate description of my life trajectory (at least how I'm interpreting it). Deliberate self destruction and abandoning myself to nihilism only to wake up and discover I got everything I ever wanted. Except I'm still me, so I put the gun back in my mouth from time to time. It's a dichotomy I'll always wrestle with.
It would be also good to have a thread on books with similar topic.There are a lot of lyrics I could write about, including one from the NIN concert you posted. I actually made a similar thread to this one time. You and I would probably get along well.
I'm not a huge Grimes fan, but I like her recent single and quoted part of it in my signature:
These are some powerful songs And how are you, flower?
Powerful songs for powerful feelings, lol.
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Aw thank you for asking... I don't know really. Tired, lonely.
And you are a Powerful girl
I am OK, but if you'd like to talk, just let me know
On a real note tho, the catharsis this song gave (and still gives) me over the years probably prevented me from doing anything too terrible