Making time for friends

Gaze

Gaze

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MBTI
INFPishy
How much time do you make for friends? Whether to talk, hang out, listen, or do activities with friends?

I've noticed recently, that friends don't make time for each other anymore. Yes, people get busy but I notice there's a throwaway approach to friendships today. People don't invest time in being there or doing things with friends unless they have "free" time. But yet that free time never comes. Sometimes, you may only get a call from a friend when they need to vent or when they need you to do something. It's become acceptable to treat people, much less friends as disposable. Some use relationships as a reason why they are no longer available or use work or responsibilities but how much of this is an excuse not to make any effort to spend time developing good and lasting relationships?

Is this a healthy way to develop friendships, when friends in many cases are the only people who will be there to help you if things go badly?

Why don't we make time for friends anymore?

Or is it that we are no longer interested about developing lasting friendships?
 
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I can't say this is true for everyone, but I think as we get older our priorities sometimes change/evolve so that friendship isn't that high a priority - Careers, school, family stuff, etc. all tend to get in the way. I'm just lucky I have a friend I can talk to regularly, we make time for each other... I hope that remains true in the future as we move on with our lives.
 
Endersgone said:
I can't say this is true for everyone, but I think as we get older our priorities sometimes change/evolve so that friendship isn't that high a priority - Careers, school, family stuff, etc. all tend to get in the way. I'm just lucky I have a friend I can talk to regularly, we make time for each other... I hope that remains true in the future as we move on with our lives.
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I think you're right. It is about priorities. But then are we then diminishing the value of friendship and it's benefits by not making it some sort of priority. Are friends the ones who tend to lessen the loneliness or help us through tough times or sometimes the ones who help us through bad break ups or even more serious problems such as financial issues, etc.? Aren't just taking people for granted not realizing that not making sustaining good friendships could hurt us in the end?
 
Ame said:
Aren't just taking people for granted not realizing that not making sustaining good friendships could hurt us in the end?
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I guess it depends on your definition of a friend, but I'd say that taking the people in your life for granted certainly isn't a good thing. I think it should be a high priority, but living/working in our society doesn't always mesh well with forming sustainable relationships. To me a good friend is like family... they're there for the good times, but they're also there for the bad times - to help/aid you as family would when you're down/suffering. There's certainly different "levels" of friendship, and the time needed to build the deeper ones makes it difficult for busy people to prioritize/sustain.

In short it could hurt us, but I think many of us just get caught up in life and forget about/take for granted - the important connections we've made.
 
Ame said:
How much time do you make for friends? Whether to talk, hang out, listen, or do activities with friends?

Some use relationships as a reason why they are no longer available or use work or responsibilities but how much of this is an excuse not to make any effort to spend time developing good and lasting relationships?

Is this a healthy way to develop friendships, when friends in many cases are the only people who will be there to help you if things go badly?

Why don't we make time for friends anymore?

Or is it that we are no longer interested about developing lasting friendships?
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1) I clear a lot of time for friends and am usually willing to drop other plans for them.
2) You seem to have answered your own question.
3) As 2.
4) For those of "us" who don't, priorities and personal life. People change and distance can come with that - even a year apart makes a difference. For others, having friends isn't terribly important, or is less important than personal pursuits.
5) "We" is a very broad stroke. I know many who would love to devote more time to friendships but simply can't (my mother is one of these; she never has time to herself). I don't know about other countries, but in 21st century America, time flies by (middle-class crunch) and the Internet is an easy convenience for feeling connected. This has it's goods and bads like any tool and, like new tools, there is an adjustment period where you learn to use it. This ties into priorities: if people want deep friendships, which means different things to different people by default, then they will seek them. I'm not sure if that answers your question, though.
 
Just to put some context to this. Traditionally friendships were an integral part of community. They were once considered part of the extended family. This was partly based not just on personal interests or common fialties but also based on mutually beneficial social relationships which came from being a part of a community. Communities were built around social and collective responsibility. As a result, friends were considered a part of the survival networks in good times or bad. They were social go-tos and go-betweens who shared the responsibilities of the family and in the community. They were built to last a lifetime, and not just for a short period of time. This meant that associations formed early on created a more stable unit of mutually beneficial and sustaining relationships in the good times and bad.

I think today rather, friends are more temporal as someone said. Friendships have a looser more diverse form. Many friends are based on meeting for a short time then moving on. Others are meant to be permanent.

I think my interest is in understanding how something which can be mutually beneficial is so underestimated when it can be the thing which helps us deal with those busy or more difficult times in our lives. I don't think it's as simple as yes, we sometimes we take friends for granted and we can't help it. But that if we don't invest in them then there's less chance we will have those associations available to help and support us later on when we go through those difficult times.

Of course, sometimes, friends are not always as dependendable or able to be there for us. So, it may not be so simple always. You can invest in a network of friends, and still find that those friendships are not as strong or as supportive when needed.
 
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[MENTION=1669]Ame[/MENTION]

How much time do you make for friends? Whether to talk, hang out, listen, or do activities with friends?
I spend a lot of time texting with some friends and hanging out three to five times a week with others (doing activities and hanging out).

Why don't we make time for friends anymore?
People have limited time and emotional energy to engage in groups. Sometimes, we just don't want to get involved if we don't have time to invest in them. :)

Or is it that we are no longer interested about developing lasting friendships?
People are interested. They just don't have the skills or persistence or insights to keep those friendships alive. There are also clashes in personality and communication that keep a relationship in Acquaintance Mode.

Hope I answered all your questions. :D
 
Ame said:
Are friends the ones who tend to lessen the loneliness or help us through tough times or sometimes the ones who help us through bad break ups or even more serious problems such as financial issues, etc.?
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Endersgone said:
the time needed to build the deeper ones makes it difficult for busy people to prioritize/sustain.
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Yes. It takes time to build deep friendships. They become like old wine that tastes more satisfying with time.... or well-preserved energy drinks if you're under 21 :D
 
[MENTION=1669]Ame[/MENTION],

Ahhh, yet another interesting question. I have one very close friend, we have been friends for almost 30 years. There are times we drift in and out of each others lives for all the reasons stated by others; family, careers, moving, etc.. But when we come back together it's like we never parted. I cannot imagine having to cultivate another friendship like this - we were so young when we met and have been through so much. Friendships like this take an enormous amount of time, flexibility, and genuine love for each other to develop and sustain.

My friend recently went through a life threatening situation and I thought for the first time what it would be like if they weren't in my life. It was a horrible feeling, but it is now also inevitable. True friends, the ones that really are there for you through no matter what are as rare as the most precious gem, and are worth even more.

I don't have any answers for your question. I only know what I'm going through myself. With regards to your reference about how friendships are "throw away friendships" now vs. what friendships were in the past is an interesting point. People are more mobile now. We aren't restricted to one place like in olden days, and we aren't as dependent on friendships to survive pioneer days, etc. :tea:
 
I spend lots of times with my friends and family. And almost as much getting to know new people. In fact, I think I overdo it.
 
I make as much time as possible to hang with friends, the only time i get to myself really is a couple of hours before i go to sleep and about an hour before school. Other than that I'm always with friends, always hanging out. My friends will always be there for me and I will always be there for them.

I guess some people get busy with other things and their schedule doesn't always make a whole lot of time to hang out. Then in their free time, they want to do other things besides hanging out with friends and keeping those relationships can be hard with less time together. So i couldn't agree more with people's priorities just change.
 
I know that for me it's been harder to know who's a "real" friend because of the shallower, near constant interactions via social media. I can post a two sentence statement about my day and get a dozen responses while I do something else. Why take the time to pick up a phone and call? I don't like this, but it is what my social life has become. There really isn't anyone I can think of that would take the time to meet with me (if they're local.) There are only a few people that I think would take 5 minutes to chat with me if I decided to call (non-local folks) and they are people I've known for many years but have minimal interaction with. I have lots of people I'm friendly with, more acquaintances than I can count, but when it comes to the real, heart felt conversations...my list comes up empty. I think that part of why I don't make more of an effort is that I'm afraid of their judging me. I tend to say that I don't care what othre people think of me or what I do, but the truth is that it does matter, and I want to be accepted. There's no one person that accepts every part of me. My husband comes pretty close, but even he has parts of me he can't stand. I think I got a bit off topic here...sorry...my 2 cents. :hug:
 
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