Relationship anxiety keeps me insane

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spudscoffee

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You’re in a relationship with a great person who you love. When You’ve developed trust, established boundaries, and learned each other’s communication styles. Yet, At the same time, you might find yourself constantly questioning yourself, your partner, and the relationship.

Will things last? How do you know if this person is really the right one for me? A relationship that full of what-ifs… How can I control this feeling? Is there something wrong with me?
 
I would need much more detail than that to offer my advice. But no, I don't think right off the bat that anything is "wrong" with you. There are many factors that could be contributing to this anxiety.

How long have you known this person/been with them?
Do you see any red flags that cause you to question them?
Are you having thoughts or feelings that causes you to questions your own intentions?

Things like this. :)

Welcome. Stick around. MANY wise people here I promise hehe.
 
spudscoffee said:
You’re in a relationship with a great person who you love. When You’ve developed trust, established boundaries, and learned each other’s communication styles. Yet, At the same time, you might find yourself constantly questioning yourself, your partner, and the relationship.
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Im no relationship expert LOL but i think it's normal to feel anxious specially at the start of relationship. Specially once the "honeymoon phase" is over and everything is just calm and normal.. you get all these thoughts and questions.. but you have to keep in mind though that relationships is a constant work of building and establishing things together. That said,

spudscoffee said:
Will things last? How do you know if this person is really the right one for me? A relationship that full of what-ifs… How can I control this feeling? Is there something wrong with me?
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I don't think there's anything wrong with you other than you're overthinking the relationship (which is understandable) than enjoying what you have at the moment while building things as you grow together and individually.

I think it's best that you talk to her about it. Be open and honest. Fears and risks are part of any relationships. And only you both can address this because you're the ones experiencing it.

Goodluck!
 
spudscoffee said:
Will things last?
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There's no way to be sure, all we can really do is estimate and hope.
do you know if this person is really the right one for me?
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Well, I don't believe in soulmates. I think that if two people have compatible personalities and values, chances are, they can make a relationship work.

A relationship that full of what-ifs… How can I control this feeling?
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Do you hang out with the person you're dating? Like, are you friends too?

Is there something wrong with me?
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No, life is often scary.
 
spudscoffee said:
You’re in a relationship with a great person who you love. When You’ve developed trust, established boundaries, and learned each other’s communication styles. Yet, At the same time, you might find yourself constantly questioning yourself, your partner, and the relationship.

Will things last? How do you know if this person is really the right one for me? A relationship that full of what-ifs… How can I control this feeling? Is there something wrong with me?
Click to expand...
This sounds like anxious attachment style, usually the result of childhood trauma.

There is nothing wrong with you; you just need extra support to retrain your brain and get to a comfortable place. I would recommend open communication with your partner about your feelings and not hiding anything, as well as seeking a therapist that specializes in attachment therapy so that you can learn how to attach to people in a healthy, secure way.
 
spudscoffee said:
You’re in a relationship with a great person who you love. When You’ve developed trust, established boundaries, and learned each other’s communication styles. Yet, At the same time, you might find yourself constantly questioning yourself, your partner, and the relationship.

Will things last? How do you know if this person is really the right one for me? A relationship that full of what-ifs… How can I control this feeling? Is there something wrong with me?
Click to expand...
In a life with infinite possibilities, it's natural to question these things.

I agree with a lot of what's been said already, however these questions come to mind. They're for you to think about on your own, so don't think I'm waiting for an answer.

What do you have now that makes you happy? You've primarily mentioned things associated with comfort, but this doesn't necessarily translate directly to happiness.

What do you feel you need in order to be happy? Is there anything essential to you (as an individual or as a partner) that hasn't been attained?

How big is the gap in between these two? Do you think the outstanding needs are realistically attainable within the current relationship?
 
spudscoffee said:
You’re in a relationship with a great person who you love. When You’ve developed trust, established boundaries, and learned each other’s communication styles. Yet, At the same time, you might find yourself constantly questioning yourself, your partner, and the relationship.

Will things last? How do you know if this person is really the right one for me? A relationship that full of what-ifs… How can I control this feeling? Is there something wrong with me?
Click to expand...
Hi, it's hard for me to answer exactly about your situation. People's attitudes are always individual and unique. Once I met a man and we loved each other, but after I started having problems, they were different, but also a little similar to yours. As a result, I needed the help of a psychologist.
 
TedyBo said:
Hi, it's hard for me to answer exactly about your situation. People's attitudes are always individual and unique. Once I met a man and we loved each other, but after I started having problems, they were different, but also a little similar to yours. As a result, I needed the help of a psychologist.
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I've been thinking a bit and I want to share the full story, I hope it helps you.
Like I said it's hard for me to answer exactly about your situation. People's attitudes are always individual and unique. Once I met a man and we loved each other, but after I started having problems, they were different, but also a little similar to yours. As a result, I needed the help of a psychologist. I needed to sort myself out... The psychologist was a pro, he helped me. After that, we started communicating better, because I knew what I wanted. Wecorresponderd a lot, Ievern sent hertheree lovetestss every morning and evening [url=https://www.maxaboutsms.com/love_sms.aspx]maxaboutsms.com [/URL] . Now we are preparing for the wedding. Relationships are difficult to build, but they should be easy at the same time. My advice is that you need a specialist.
 
spudscoffee said:
You’re in a relationship with a great person who you love. When You’ve developed trust, established boundaries, and learned each other’s communication styles. Yet, At the same time, you might find yourself constantly questioning yourself, your partner, and the relationship.

Will things last? How do you know if this person is really the right one for me? A relationship that full of what-ifs… How can I control this feeling? Is there something wrong with me?
Click to expand...

could you possibly be afraid of missing out? The question if there’s something else out there for you will always be a lingering thought until you’re ready to not feed it anymore. Nothing is wrong with you. It’s a normal feeling. Maybe you’ve hit the point in which vulnerability seems lacking, but if you look around, you’d see you’ve accomplished something that you can feel genuinely rewarded for, it just isn’t crossing into each other’s lives anymore. That’s where vulnerability really comes in. If this seems impossible, where does that inability to let eachother in come from, you or them? It’s up to you what you desire from life. Safety isn’t satisfying, as living fully doesn’t always seem guaranteed. I wish you the best on your journey.
 
If they’re afraid of letting you in it takes patience, if you’re afraid of letting them in, it’s something you can work on together.
 
Didn't read much, but if the anxiety is irrational, just let it be, and realize if your thoughts don't make sense. You can't choose feelings. It's okay - and great - to acknowledge uncertainty, but you gotta realize if you're going away from the realm of reality, and starting to get driven by unconfirmed suspicions. Feelings make you irrational, and as long as you accept that and don't act on them, it's all good. Also in case you do: do not criticize yourself for feeling some way. You don't choose it.
 
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