Selflessness

[Morgenstern36]

Do you find that acts of selflessness are part of what up an INFJ? Knowing that others are happy almost makes up for not being happy myself.

I feel like I started putting others happiness first started when I was young. I am not saying that I am a saint or completely selfless, because that would be a lie. I feel that I was conscious of the thoughts and feelings of others more than kids my age.

My father moved far away when I was 2. When I was 6 or 7, I finally got to visit him where he lived for a week or so. One afternoon he asked what I would like to watch on tv. I told him that I would like to watch his motorcycle races. I knew he loved them and that was what he would be watching if I wasn't there. I found them incredibly boring and the race seemed to never end. I suppose that I felt like I did not want to have him dread watching cartoons, so I would suffer watching motorcycles going in circles. To this day he talks about the time that I was young and I wanted to watch motorcycle races with him. I suppose that made him proud. I do not think he knows how I really feel and I suppose he never will. When he brings it up, I smile to myself thinking how naive he must be. I suppose it is my fault for never telling him the true reason.

I would like to hear other stories of selflessness. Please share!

 

[Sandie33]

Currently putting my own life on hold to assist my aging, unhealthy Dad...why? Because when I was growing into myself and making bad choices & misguided decisions He had my back every time.
I do not regret my decision, nor feel a loss or cost...simply to help him & keep him company while he ascends his exit of life. ❤tis a truly selfless way to pay a debt of gratitude I believe.

 

[Bellosome]

Currently putting my own life on hold to assist my aging, unhealthy Dad...why? Because when I was growing into myself and making bad choices & misguided decisions He had my back every time.
I do not regret my decision, nor feel a loss or cost...simply to help him & keep him company while he ascends his exit of life. ❤tis a truly selfless way to pay a debt of gratitude I believe.

same boat. only now it's just my mom and my youngest sister that i take care of. been my parents' caretake for 10ish years now. Dad died 5 years ago, it may seem long but the memories are still fresh-- specially for mom, so i'm making sure she is happy all the time even if it means sacrificing my own. As a kid they always tell me that if they grow old, they want me to take care of them (i have 6 siblings) all of them are living out of the country except for the youngest and me. i have never regret a day i had to postpone my dreams to take care for them.. sometimes i do wish i have the balls to leave--specially when i feel unappreciated but that wouldn't really make me happy in the long run if i know i've disappointed or have hurt them.

 

[Sandie33]

same boat. only now it's just my mom and my youngest sister that i take care of. been my parents' caretake for 10ish years now. Dad died 5 years ago, it may seem long but the memories are still fresh-- specially for mom, so i'm making sure she is happy all the time even if it means sacrificing my own. As a kid they always tell me that if they grow old, they want me to take care of them (i have 6 siblings) all of them are living out of the country except for the youngest and me. i have never regret a day i had to postpone my dreams to take care for them.. sometimes i do wish i have the balls to leave--specially when i feel unappreciated but that wouldn't really make me happy in the long run if i know i've disappointed or have hurt them.

you have my respect. It is good that you are doing this for your family. It can be difficult at times. Do you make time for yourself too? I hope so. For me it helps to decompress all the frustration while not feeling appreciated. I remind myself daily how selfish I am in my selflessness. I feel joy in helping others...especially those I hold dear <3

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

how selfish I am in my selflessness. I feel joy in helping others

I share similar thoughts. To me, being selfless is one, if not the most selfish thing I do. I was my grandmas caretaker the last two years of her life. while it was stressful trying to balance my family life with taking care of her, I loved every minute of it. and I know she did too.

I often put others before myself, even strangers. I enjoy helping and don't like when people are hurting or suffering. When given an opportunity, I offer assistance, whichever form that takes. In those moments of selflessness out of genuine concern, I lose my desires for my own satisfaction and find some peace in that that I can also share. Sometimes though, selflessness proves to be a detriment to myself and that sucks. Some people like to take advantage of those that give.

From fear of coming off like I'm a really good person, I'd like it to also be known that I am a derpy asshole too.

 

[Bellosome]

I remind myself daily how selfish I am in my selflessness. I feel joy in helping others...especially those I hold dear <3

i feel selfish if i get to have a "me" time, so i go out with mom. i can't just leave. too much selfishness on being selfless.

I often put others before myself, even strangers. I enjoy helping and don't like when people are hurting or suffering. When given an opportunity, I offer assistance, whichever form that takes. In those moments of selflessness out of genuine concern, I lose my desires for my own satisfaction and find some peace in that that I can also share

it's just difficult not to help specially when you know it is needed.

 

[Sandie33]

I share similar thoughts. To me, being selfless is one, if not the most selfish thing I do. I was my grandmas caretaker the last two years of her life. while it was stressful trying to balance my family life with taking care of her, I loved every minute of it. and I know she did too.

I often put others before myself, even strangers. I enjoy helping and don't like when people are hurting or suffering. When given an opportunity, I offer assistance, whichever form that takes. In those moments of selflessness out of genuine concern, I lose my desires for my own satisfaction and find some peace in that that I can also share. Sometimes though, selflessness proves to be a detriment to myself and that sucks. Some people like to take advantage of those that give.

From fear of coming off like I'm a really good person, I'd like it to also be known that I am a derpy asshole too.

Well done MilkyB!...I'm certain your Grandma appreciated every bit of your help. It was kind of you to step in and do it. Shows a clumps into your good, strong character.
Unfortunately, I agree there are folk that often prey on kindness. They are still deserving of a brief encounter of kindness, if only in the effort of hoping it runs off on them.
I don't pay the users any mind until they continue on after I ask them to stop. You see, I believe that when doing an act of kindness there are no expectations that the person I'm helping will return my efforts bc if I expect something that makes it feel more like business, not kindness. And..
We all can be derpy assholes...it's a smart balance in the human condition...lol.

**ps..You can't fool us buddy, some of us believe you to be overly good just bc of your comments **

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

I believe that when doing an act of kindness there are no expectations that the person I'm helping will return my efforts bc if I expect something that makes it feel more like business, not kindness

Yeah, I totally agree here, I guess I wasn't clear that I had close relationships in mind, like a marriage, in that respect, honesty, commitment and loyalty should be expected (unless you've made other arrangements as a couple) It is my experience that if I give and give and I receive the opposite of those things, the conditions for a healthy relationship are not being met. Essentially, and maybe I have a jaded view, unconditional love is the perfectly attainable ideal, but after a while of nothing in return despite efforts to improve, what was once given freely begins to feel like it is taken. So yes expectations lead us to heartache and pain when we give and love and expect a return, but lack of expectations in closer relationships can cause pain as well. That doesn't change me as a person, just redirects my offerings.

**ps..You can't fool us buddy, some of us believe you to be overly good just bc of your comments

Shit.

 

[Morgenstern36]

Hmm so what I have got from this is the INFJs are the caretakers. Regardless of how unappreciated or derailed we feel, we make sure others are happy. I can see the beauty in this.