st fushi’s art

[saint fushimi]

Hello, fellow pariahs. I’ve reluctantly decided to come out of my hole a bit and share my art. I am a very withdrawn person with severe mental illness(CPTSD, MDD, etc) that makes it almost impossible to interact with others anymore, but call this an experiment of vulnerability. I’ll post some of my art when I can, and maybe my thoughts, and hopefully I won’t be immediately scared off forever and delete my account lol. I feel a chronic dissociative sense of extreme, existential loneliness, which makes it very hard to talk. I hope I will be understood here.

to start, a sketch i did today. i’ve been in a suicidal depression lately and didn’t know what to draw. I started scribbling unconsciously, and used that foundation to create an “automatic drawing” in the style most personal to me. it conveys my highly visual and abstract mind better than anything else. like fractals of ideas, landscapes within landscapes, the structure is a complex nebula of distinct images. scale and perspective are warped, and there is no focal point or linear path to follow. nevertheless, each part flows into the others, and all expand out equally to form an even greater visage from top to bottom, as one descends more into the indistinct and unknown.



this is a detailed sketch, so here are two close ups. it looks like a mess from afar but there is a lot of depth.



during my severe dissociative episodes i will fall into this sort of infinite, untethered landscape and almost be torn to shreds.

sorry if the image formatting is bad, i haven’t done this in a long time. stay tuned for more. thanks for reading.

 

[saint fushimi]

(sorry, the images are very large, i am trying to figure out how to change it. i think i triggered a spam filter and it's not letting me edit. mods can make the images thumbnails so they aren't so absurdly huge.)

 

[InfernoMink]

These are brilliant! The last one I can see the grim reaper shaking hands with someone.
But Please don’t kill yourself.
I would like to see more of your sketches cause you kick ass.

 

[saint fushimi]

These are brilliant! The last one I can see the grim reaper shaking hands with someone.
But Please don’t kill yourself.
I would like to see more of your sketches cause you kick ass.

Thank you, I wish I could make the images smaller for desktop because I posted them on mobile and didn't realize they were basically unviewable on a computer, but I wasn't able to edit it, which really frustrates me. Do they look gigantic on your end too? Is there any way to edit a post? It's going to kill me every time until I can fix it.

 

[Rit4lin]

Thank you, I wish I could make the images smaller for desktop because I posted them on mobile and didn't realize they were basically unviewable on a computer, but I wasn't able to edit it, which really frustrates me. Do they look gigantic on your end too? Is there any way to edit a post? It's going to kill me every time until I can fix it.

Your bravery in sharing yourself is commendable, it takes a hell of a lot of courage to do so. Let alone sharing something as intimate as one's personal art.
I look forward to seeing your further contributions to the thread.

As for the images you upload, you can note that upon uploading them you will see two boxes appear beside the image: 'Thumbnail' and 'Full Image'.

Spoiler

Thumbnail includes the whole picture but in a more compressed size, which can be clicked on to enlarge to the original size. Regarding mobile uploads, this is one of the better ways to reduce it to a 'desktop' friendly size.
For example:

Spoiler: Comparison

Spoiler: Thumbnail

Spoiler: Full Image

Hopefully that helps.

 

[aeon]

I wish I could make the images smaller for desktop because I posted them on mobile and didn't realize they were basically unviewable on a computer, but I wasn't able to edit it, which really frustrates me. Do they look gigantic on your end too?

They fill the width of my browser window, and scale as I wish upon a click, so for myself, I would not change a thing.

Thank you for sharing what you did.

I used to experience dissociative episodes. Please take care. I hope for your well-being.

Best to You,
Ian

 

[InfernoMink]

Do they look gigantic on your end too? Is there any way to edit a post? It's going to kill me every time until I can fix it.

I haven’t looked at it on a desktop just my phone. Try hosting the pic on a site that allows resizing?

 

[saint fushimi]

It’s very disconcerting to me that people are even interacting with me at all like this, hah. A forum suits me better than anywhere else online, though in the future i hope to leave the internet completely.


another sketch that may eventually become a painting. three heads for three worlds.

 

[Wyote]

It’s very disconcerting to me that people are even interacting with me at all like this, hah.

Don't worry, I'm just as concerned

 

[aeon]

New It’s very disconcerting to me that people are even interacting with me at all like this, hah.

Perhaps if we demonstrate to you that we do not bite, your entirely valid reason(s) to worry will change, or seem less.

Your well-being above all other concerns, but I want to acknowledge your choice to share, and let you know I am made better for your having done so.

Certainly for the art itself, but also for demonstrating the power of one’s agency in the face of fear, and the courage to choose to express, regardless of that fear.

I think and feel to walk the line between, to dare to reveal the unknown by one’s own light held aloft, is surely a kind of grace which redeems us and makes us whole.

Best to You,
Ian

 

[saint fushimi]

Thank you for your support. I appreciate it.


“Cavernous Maw”

It’s taken a long time to make my way towards art that is satisfyingly surreal. I feel like with this new style, I am really onto something. I start with a messy scribble, done unconsciously using a technique of automatic drawing that i am developing. i’ll go into that in another post. After the initial messy scribble, I see what images my mind can make out of it, and i fill it in. If it gets dry, i look away for a minute until my imagination clears and I can see the flow again. Because it is a form of automatic drawing, i allow my unconscious to see what it likes, without judgement or analysis, but i will pass over it again with more detail once the idea is more clear.

example of initial pass vs final sketch from my first post:


Because they remind me of Rorschach inkblots, i’ll call my developing style “Rorsch art” or Rorsches for short because it’s a barely passable play on words that sounds nice.

 

[saint fushimi]

june 2nd




some tree studies done in the past couple months, from oldest to most recent. i decided to really learn trees proper this year, so i’ve been studying them. i don’t like looking online though, and prefer real life observation. i want “The Artistic Anatomy of Trees” book though. I could use some more technique.

 

[seeofheart]

I love that you've opened this up to share. You are incredibly talented. I wish I had such luck with transferring what is in my mind to paper like that.

 

[saint fushimi]

spooks around these parts…

 

[saint fushimi]

the watcher