Tantrums, Depression, and the Volatile Strange Waters of Fi

[jupiterswoon]

Needless to say, this post has to do with how a person who has Fi as one of their last functions reacts in situations where there is Fi involved.

I recently got upset over a trite incident involving a friend, then suddenly found myself in the middle of this whirlwind of emotions. I couldn't explain how I felt or why, and just felt horribly upset and depressed. In lieu of the whole "Don't turn your back on an INFJ" phenomena that plagues the forums about INFJs, I notice in myself that when I do feel Fi it scares the crap out of me, makes me horribly depressed, contemplative of self-destructive thoughts, and that I can't stand it, it seems overwhelming and like too much to handle. I also project onto loved ones who are trying to ease my problems. My boyfriend was trying to help, by asking questions in order to dissect the problem and I just kind of got mad at him instead.

I also notice in situations where people expect me to feel something deeply and I don't that they think I am not genuine, but the truth is that I just don't feel emotions that deeply unless they are for other people. Eg my coworker asked me what kind of music I prefer, but when I am working with others I don't want to listen to my music, as it makes me feel self-conscious, and it's easier for me to listen to their music, I would spend too much time worrying if they didn't like my music, plus ultimately I don't feel strongly about music- strong enough that I have to listen to my own music. I can see how people might interpret this as being unoriginal, but since Fe is my primary function it is just easier for me to go with the flow than to create the flow, unless I perceive that I need to change the mood.

Another example of this INFJ "door-slam" is that if someone does hurt me, I block them out of my life- recently I've gone on an extreme de-friending spree on facebook, mostly because I don't feel important in my friend group, and that my emotional bids that I made with other people weren't returned. I notice that the weird Fi thing seems to occur when I've had prolonged periods of isolation that is involuntary. I crave Fe, and since that is my main function it makes sense that it's part of how I get energy and part of how I let off steam. Relating with people and having a good time and laughing seems to be very invigorating to me- which is probably how INFJs seem more extroverted than other introvert types. The problem is when I don't get that chance to relate deeply with others, I feel like my life is lacking some meaning, and I begin to get very depressed and morose and ultra-ultra sensitive. I think I am at my healthiest when I can have the chance to deeply relate with others at least once or twice a week.

My problem is, that school just started, and I find myself not having social interactions for up to three weeks at a time. It is important that I spend some time with other people besides my significant other and my family, otherwise I find myself lashing out against them as a sort of weak rebellion- like "I'm still independent, I don't need you!" The problem is that most of my friends are in school as well, making them inaccessible/flaky, leaving me with this brooding inferior Fi function and rampant "INFJ doorslam" dilemma.

How can I deal with this involuntary and prolonged isolation without completely alienating myself from myself, and from other people?

I've been writing in my diary, taking baths, going for walks, exercising, and nothing seems to fill that sense of lack of connection- I know I don't need therapy because most of the time I am fine and never entertain thoughts of hurting myself (it's just in this extreme emotional state that lasts for about one to two days when I feel completely isolated and alone). I've tried joining study groups, and do have a study partner, but I don't relate deeply with them at all.

Please give me advice on how to deal with these fleeting moments of Fi....

 

[acd]

It's not Fi.

 

[Jill Hives]

It's not Fi.

Heh, yeah, I was about to post this.

I was also going to say that it's disheartening to see that yet another person has labelled and/or associated Fi (whether unintentionally or not) as some sort of undesirable selfish emotional reactor. I wish Fi could stop having such a negative stigma.

I get what OP means, regardless. I would advise you to do the things you already mentioned doing just to try to relax yourself when you begin feeling this way, and try to see yourself more clearly in the moment when these doorslam urges take over you. Why, really, are you wanting to push people away from you? This sounds like some sort of fear of abandonment to me, but I could be projecting.

 

[tfg345i4u5lw]

Emotions are tough to diagnose because they hardly ever present themselves one at a time. If you really want to figure out what's going on and are willing to put in effort try taking notes about when you feel the most emotional. Then overtime you might see a correlation. I would also recommend not deleting friends. People who don't know what it feels like interpret it in any kind of random way, often times they will assume you don't like them. If you continue to do this you will eventually isolate yourself and then you will really know what it feels like to be abandoned. I agree with Jill it appears you have some kind of fear of abandonment. Cutting people off to brace yourself for a rejection that will probably never come.

 

[Paladin-X]

It's not Fi.

Fi does not equate to internal or personal emotions. It is feelings of value, importance, and morals.

In my opinion, it sounds like the OP is describing a form of depression caused by feeling disconnected and entering the state of the Ni-Ti loop. The feeling is not Fi but an absence of Fe.

Most often when I enter this state, it is due to an incident (or perceived incident) with another. I often feel like removing everyone from my life because it's so obvious that they don't care about me like I thought they did and I almost get kind of angry with a f the world attitude. However, when I ground myself again, I realize that these are delusional thoughts. So far, the fastest way to reconnect to the world, for me, is to interact with the person that caused me to disconnect in the first place. It allows me to readjust whether my perceptions of what was happening between us was accurate or not. If it is still unclear, then I have to ask directly.

For example. I once dated an ENFP. Sometimes she would retract into her own world without warning and would almost disappear off the face of the planet. I thought I did something wrong. It caused me to disconnect from reality as I tried to resolve, internally, what was happening. I could no longer re-establish connections I had with my other friends. I felt like no one cared. It kept going until finally I confronted her and asked why she was distant. She explained that she had a lot going on emotionally and needed time to herself to think on it. In any case, after confronting her, I was able to realign with reality again and was glad that I didn't cut people out. This went on every other week, though. :S

 

[the]

Sounds more like fe.

 

[Trifoilum]

I'm familiar with some of this.

But I agreed that this is not Fi as much as it is a corrupted, somewhat wounded versions of Fe.

Fe ultimately desires (group) harmony.
On some different levels, they also want equality; that everyone -can- speak, regardless of what is spoken (that is the realm of Ti and Fi).
The first aid, I think, is to talk with ANYONE. Small talk could do, it don't have to be heavy, deep talk...anything you want, really. Slow, protected steps to connect yourself with people in a daily, non-personal level.

It could be here, or other places, perhaps your class...