The Unknown

[Mike S]

The single biggest and most time consuming thing in my life is my quest to understand truth. I was raised in a 'christian' family with strict parents. My parents both were catholic when first married in 1975. Instead of going through every detail which could take a long time, I will quickly brush over the circumstances in my life that got me where I a today. My father was raped by a catholic priest when he was a boy from the ages of 8-11. His father, my grandpa, was raped by a priest as well. As a child my mom was extremely religious but converted from catholic to christian. The christianity that was practiced in my house was odd to say the least. My mom followed every televangelist she could find. Other than divulging all the oddities my mom practiced I will just say that I have never met anyone that dealt with what we had to as kids. About 10 years ago I began to read the Bible and started seeing inconsistencies between what the church taught and what the Bible said. This journey to find truth has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. If the Bible is true than every other religion is a lie. And if the Bible is a lie than everything I know is a lie. I need concrete answers. I need to be able to have absolute certainty. I don't understand how we can be created and just expected to know who God is and how to reach him. My quest for truth has worn me out. Maybe others can relate.

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

I got a lot to say but will say this that for the most part the church is clueless as to what the Bible really teaches and there are not very many people around who really Know as it is so layered and even then the church cooks up retarded doctrines that even fools will reject should they have any sense. The reason for this is those in high positions wanting to keep people in the dark for control and selfish gain while at the same time building themselves up as authorities in the church. It doesn't help that so many people in the church are only there because of traditions while others it is a way to white wash their faults and their sins without any real change. The real church is really just a scattered minority of small groups and individuals without any titles and no reputations, they tend to be hidden living normal lives being nobodies and they don't make waves often. The only way that is reasonable for people these days is to just fallow what is in plain text in the Bible and hope for deeper meaning as the years tick by, you can also check the apocrypha books like the books of Enoch ect.

The modern churches are as white washed tombs full of dead mens bones built on foundations of shifting sand that being false teachings and false doctrines even false gospels, many of such churches are like entertainment centers where so called praise and worship is like karaoke then the pastor serves God up in portions like shitty TV dinners often at a price. Notice how the big well known so called pastors and teachers are always trying to sell you their books, dvds, cds, and all kinds of crap at high prices then come time for their conferences in far away places that hardly no one can afford.

As you can tell I have been the block myself and it wasn't a good walk.

 

[Mike S]

I can tell by your writing that you have researched this. I too, have spent countless hours, sometimes 8-10 hours a day with constant researching. I have read the Book of Enoch and I do believe that it is meant for the time we are living in now. I have read the Apocrypha and many other books that never made it into the Bible. I have a desire to connect with others that, like you, have realized that the Church consists of folks that may never even go to a building to fellowship. As much of a loner and introvert that I am, I still have a strong desire to have fellowship with others on my level. I think this is one of the most difficult things in my life for me to deal with, as I can find no person IRL that I can talk to about the questions which arise within this context. Any 'christian' person I know, like you have said above, just do what ever the pastor tells them. I have mental battles when I find a flaw in my previous thinking and I war with myself to either accept or reject this new idea. I will research relentlessly even forgetting to eat until I find some answer. How do you cope?

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

I totally agree that finding fellowship at this level is so much harder and it caused me so much trouble over the years. Day to day I cope with music to help ease the pain of that comes with these struggles and to ease my mind. Sometimes I am really positive and people like that often to the point of taking advantage then there are times where a real anger sets in that can last for weeks even months at a time.