Trust

K

Kathy

Lucky
MBTI
INFJ
I don't know what to ask but I would like to hear your thoughts regarding this topic of trust. I am thinking in terms of romantic relationships but anything else is encouraged as well.

I realize this may be too broad.. ask any questions to help get this started. I'm just interested in what you guys think about it in general.
 
trust is what you need to share.

in friendships and intimate relationships its fragile and once its been violated it can be very difficult to put things back the way they were, maybe impossible.
 
Sometimes I feel like trust is only essential if you do not have a partner who is completely honest with you.

Generally, I think trust is the most important part of a relationship. You can have fights, arguments, and passive aggressive everything, but if you trust your partner enough to work through the issues, you are golden.
 
bodhireagan said:
Sometimes I feel like trust is only essential if you do not have a partner who is completely honest with you.

Generally, I think trust is the most important part of a relationship. You can have fights, arguments, and passive aggressive everything, but if you trust your partner enough to work through the issues, you are golden.
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theres no way to objectively establish the honesty of a partner, only through trust, which is based on faith.

i think its unrealistic to expect the complete honesty of a partner. humans lie incessantly, compulsively. its very deeply incorporated into our socialisation.
 
Kathy said:
Can you elaborate on that?
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not really. people dont share any kind of knowledge or information about anything without first establishing some level of trust. i could be totally wrong but so far as ive been able to tell its a fairly simple equation. the greater the trust, the deeper and more personal the sharing.
 
invisible said:
theres no way to objectively establish the honesty of a partner, only through trust, which is based on faith.

i think its unrealistic to expect the complete honesty of a partner. humans lie incessantly, compulsively. its very deeply incorporated into our socialisation.
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Yes I agree, that first line "Sometimes I feel like trust is only essential if you do not have a partner who is completely honest with you." was more of a wishful thinking in a perfect world kind of thought. Had a little too much to drink I guess.
I never expect someone to be completely honest with me. I think it's impossible for a person to be completely honest.
 
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bodhireagan said:
Yes I agree, that first line "Sometimes I feel like trust is only essential if you do not have a partner who is completely honest with you." was more of a wishful thinking in a perfect world kind of thought. Had a little too much to drink I guess.
I never expect someone to be completely honest with me. I think it's impossible for a person to be completely honest.
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cools
 
I think trust is involved with exposing one's vulnerability, or weakness, or any area which could be hurt.

Trust is about having some confidence that such exposure will not result in injury.

What is the motivation of trust, of exposing oneself to danger? The benefit of not being alone in one's vulnerable aspect, but rather, comforted, strengthened, and made more whole.

In terms of relationship, I think that as humans we feel as though there is something missing in ourselves, that we are not complete on our own, that we cannot be fully happy unless we are together with someone else. (exceptions noted). This weakness, or deficiency, or lack of self-sufficiency is difficult to expose, or open up to others because rejection makes that incompleteness worse. So trust in a relationship is about taking a risk to become more whole with someone else. IMHO.
 
invisible said:
not really. people dont share any kind of knowledge or information about anything without first establishing some level of trust. i could be totally wrong but so far as ive been able to tell its a fairly simple equation. the greater the trust, the deeper and more personal the sharing.
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Why did you say "not really", then proceeded to contradict it?
 
o_q said:
Why did you say "not really", then proceeded to contradict it?
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i admit that what i wrote was somewhat irrational. i intended my qualification as some indication that my elaboration would really not say much more than i had already said. but then again, maybe i did say something significant after all. i hope this explanation provides some clarity. but i also hope that when i next i embarrass myself in some similar way in future, we might be able to just let it go, like a little joke between you and me about my flaws and imperfections.
 
Trust is something you can give without it being earned. Some people prefer to only think or worry about it when there is a reason to distrust than waiting for trust to be built up and later earned. I'm the former. I also don't assume I will be told the complete truth. Additionally, I don't trust as easily as I once did. I went through a phase where I became quite cynical. Now, I'm just accepting that people are who they are, and I can't change that. I can only be responsible for myself, whether or not I'm trustworthy. I can't make someone else trustworthy. That's on them. To avoid getting hurt, I generally assume the potential for deception or manipulation, or otherwise. Doesn't phase me as much anymore if people aren't who they say they are. They may think they're deceiving me but they're more than often deceiving themselves assuming I believe them. I'll just go along with their lie as if I think it's the truth, but I'm not going to worry or stress myself out about it. They're accountable for themselves.
 
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Eh well trust is a double edged sword.

Think of Lu Bu. Betrayed every single lord he worked under and resulted in the death of all of them. Then he became independent and everybody would have liked to use him because he was an awesome general, but nobody trusts him. Yet nobody wants him to go to somebody else and increase their power, and he would be too annoying and a liability to be left independent.

So what ends up happening is that he gets used AGAINST other people, especially Liu Bei, because the thing that can be trusted about Lu Bu is that he always ultimately turns against his allies. However on the flip side Liu Bei's trust actually saves him from Lu Bu, because Liu Bei never actually recruited him but worked independently with him and did Lu Bu some favors. But ultimately Lu Bu's inability to be loyal catches up with him and gets him killed when he's caught by Cao Cao.
 
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