The communicating elephant
The elephant shows us that the art of good communication depends on both verbal and non-verbal signals. Within each parcel of words we deliver is buried a non-verbal message that provides insight into what the words really mean. Skilled communicators understand the need and nuances of both.
Just as it is for elephants, successful relationships between people—in life and business—depend on good communication. Effective communicators understand that it’s not always best to use a lot of words when relaying an idea. In fact, the more words we use, the more our message can be obscured. Each parcel of words we deliver are accompanied by a nonverbal message that provides insight into the spoken meaning. Skilled communicators understand how critical both verbal and nonverbal exchanges are, and frequently display the following characteristics:
- They’re skilled at both listening to and actually hearing other people, and take time to comprehend the details in their message.
- They are interested in advancing the discussion beyond just a series of shared monologues and into a true dialogue. They realize that taking a positive approach can make others feel more confident, and in turn, more likely to cooperate.
Without candid feedback, you have no real way of letting people know how effectively they’re accomplishing what they’ve set out to do—or how they affect you. Some people are willing to accept and even seek feedback, whereas others have a tendency to see it as criticism. Those who prefer to avoid it will often respond negatively. They’ll close themselves off, and quickly become inactive listeners.
People who receive feedback openly are truly willing to hear what the other person is saying. They are interested in pursuing the conversation and are genuinely interested in getting others’ opinions.
There are two approaches when it comes to giving feedback. An ineffective delivery is aggressive, and focuses on the other person’s weaknesses. It is often vague, insensitive, disrespectful, and delivered in a judgmental tone. A positive delivery, on the other hand, focuses on providing valuable and constructive commentary that allows the recipient to effect change. People who provide feedback in a constructive manner are the most capable at truly connecting with—and helping—another person.
Maximizing This Skill
Empathize with the other person’s point of view when you’re delivering your message, and make a genuine attempt to hear what they’re saying. Be an active listener by giving and receiving quality feedback. This necessitates thinking before speaking and crafting a reply that addresses the speaker’s position, and not just your own. It requires that you wait, formulate and be clear.
Remember, communicating is only effective if both the sender and receiver understand the same information. This is the key to building successful relationships.
Becoming a fruitful communicator requires keeping your focus on all four sources of communication:
• Improve verbal communication by concentrating on “hearing” what the other person is attempting to say, and not on your own ideas; listen and respond to their message.
• Ensure that your non-verbal communication—such as gestures, mannerisms, posture, facial expressions and eye contact—matches your verbal message.
• Good written communication must focus on the axiom that “least is best.” Be precise, grammatically correct, clear and concise—especially when using electronic forms of exchange.
• Effective visual communication involves using photography, signs, symbols, etc. that do not confuse your verbal and written message.
