Most of the time when I get mad and I use that anger to react to sometime, it ends horribly. I end up regretting releasing my anger for something that I haven't thought well enough. When I get angry because I felt offended by what someone said or did, i end up taking the "wrong side." I become the villain. This is why I try to avoid anger for the most part. It leads to hasty and hateful conclusions. Now, I'm wondering, when is the right time to get angry and how often? How often should a person get angry for a week or a month or a year?
When is the right time to get angry?
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JGirl
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are you an angry person, or do you get angry a lot?
there's a difference
the angry person looks for a reason to feel the way they do and the person who finds themselves angry a lot is probably stressed over things they feel they cannot control.
anger is an inside job. it can be a powerful motivator or it can destroy you and the people around you. it all depends on whether you control it or it controls you
there's a difference
the angry person looks for a reason to feel the way they do and the person who finds themselves angry a lot is probably stressed over things they feel they cannot control.
anger is an inside job. it can be a powerful motivator or it can destroy you and the people around you. it all depends on whether you control it or it controls you
So basically, the only time you should get angry is when you want to get motivated?
Sloe Djinn
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Can you elaborate on the bolded parts?
sassafras
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It's difficult to comment without being there to witness you in action or what you mean. Anger isn't an open and shut case; it's a complex emotion and like JGirl mentioned, it usually starts from within. Have several people reacted to your anger this way over or is it just one person? Being made out to look like the villain is not necessarily due to a victim mentality on part of your social critics; it's likely that your expression of anger is disproportional to the situation. It may be a good idea to take a personal inventory.
How do you express your anger? Are you hot-tempered? Do you go from calm to livid immediately or are there 'steps' in between? Do you look to hurt the other person with your anger instead of expressing your upset? Are your expectations of 'respect' realistic or narcissistic? What does it take to offend you? What are your personal 'rules' for the way other people should treat you? How do you know someone is purposely trying to get under your skin?
How do you express your anger? Are you hot-tempered? Do you go from calm to livid immediately or are there 'steps' in between? Do you look to hurt the other person with your anger instead of expressing your upset? Are your expectations of 'respect' realistic or narcissistic? What does it take to offend you? What are your personal 'rules' for the way other people should treat you? How do you know someone is purposely trying to get under your skin?
JGirl
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no that's not what I was getting at
you can feel anger whenever you like for whatever reason you choose, but using anger is a different story. if you are going to use that energy to motivate you to make a change or stand up to something you need to address that's one thing, but if you just vent that energy without a positive direction it's going to blow up in your face.
think of gasoline.
it can fuel a vehicle or burn down a house. same stuff same energy used two different ways
I tend to get angry at passive aggressive people, which is obviously a big mistake as this is what they want and they'll use it as a stick to beat you with. "How dare you raise your voice at me", you know the type.
Can also lose my temper with people when I am being polite and they throw it back in my face. I shouldn't though as you never know a person's circumstances.
Can also lose my temper with people when I am being polite and they throw it back in my face. I shouldn't though as you never know a person's circumstances.
Oops, I meant at "someone" not "sometime." I have this dualistic perspective when there's conflict. I always think that there's "good guy" and that there's a "bad guy." I think like this because I recognize that someone has to be right if not righter. If I get angry unjustifiably or because of a minor reason, then I become the lesser. the "bad guy."
That isn't really what this thread is about. I can control my anger. What I'm asking is if there's meaning in getting angry and when should one cater to one's anger? My personal anger and how to control it is not really the issue here. It's not about me. It's about whether there should be a time for anger and if anger should be entertained for any human.
Is there a good thing that can come out of venting that energy and just blowing things up or should you always find a way to make the anger more useful? Could anger be necessary for your emotional development?
So you think it's never good to get angry?
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Anger can be good, it's a powerful emotional reaction to something that feels wrong and can lead to constructive changes if handled correctly.
As you said, it's not good to unleash anger when it's unfocused - when you haven't thought it through well enough to actually know what you're angry about. If you just relieve the built-up energy by throwing a fit, you won't accomplish much more than that. If you listen to your anger, figure out what fuels it and what needs to be changed in order to stop feeling negatively towards it, you can use the energy of the emotion to accomplish that change.
Being angry because you're offended by what someone said or did... it depends on the situation. You need to choose your battles, sometimes it's not worth it and you'll gain more from brushing it off and letting go of the emotion.
Look at it like this; Did what they said have any truth to it? Analyze it and see if you can get something constructive out of it. Was what they said just bullshit and will the persons most likely not listen to your arguments if you tried talking to them? If so, then their words had no value in the first place and can easily be brushed off, there's no need to care for bullshit.
This is the kind of response i was hoping for. First of all, why the stress on figuring out what has made you feel an intense emotion? Do emotions really work as simple as "cause and effect?" Don't people always know why they're angry? Or do they always have to ask themselves why they're emotionally responding that way? Second of all, is it not possible that releasing anger by itself could be something positive? Could releasing anger help a person directly like it releases mental tension or helps with emotional development or something?
I don't understand what you're talking about. Looking for quantifiable data..? Anger and the release of anger is not that subjective. The idea came from a subjective experience but I'm pretty sure other people experience the same decision of whether to get angry or hold it in.
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No, emotions don't simply work as "cause and effect", but emotions usually don't stem from 0, there's usually some sort of trigger to it (even though it might be very minor or just subconscious) and by figuring out the trigger you can get a better understanding of it and better control. And no, people don't always know why they're angry. Sometimes, as said, the trigger might be minor/subconscious/repressed or simply farfetched, people don't always know why they're angry. If people feel angry or irritable during a longer time there might be some reason behind it other than the triggering situations itself (stress etc). You don't have to ask yourself why you're emtionally responding that way, unless you strive for a better udnerstanding of yourself and/or (if the emotions are affecting your life negatively) better control of it.
Releasing mental tensions is a good thing! What might be bad about it is that it is often released in a negative way. There are several different ways to release mental tension and you can choose to relieve it in a constructive/non-harmful way. For example, screaming at someone because you feel stressed out is usually a negative form of relief - this will affect others negatively and also probably the bond between you two.