Who's more private, INFJ or INFP?

[SamE]

Are INFJs or INFPs or another personality the most private personality to know. Are INFJs the toughest personality to become friends with on a deeper level to be known because of your privacy and guardedness?

I know INFJ are said to be socially active when it comes to be comfortable and do create the haven for the social outlet but how much are you comfortable in being personable with others, letting them into your world and trusting them to be good friends?

As opposed to being social for the sake of being social on the surface and wanting the privacy and distance. And then there is the doorslam after events become unfavorable, uncomfortable. I've noticed INFPs and INFJs respond differently. While INFP create a buffer and let the good the bad and ugly in and then just share the parts of themselves while ignoring and avoiding other parts without letting go as much. Still do after time probably, depends on experience. While INFJ's seem more decisive and final and do some kind of mental spring cleaning where they feel the need to be invisible, remove any connections that don't feel like connections and are insincere or untrusted to preserve that feeling of privacy. Again this mayn't be the norm which is why I am interested in discussion to understand this better and how often does trust and safety come into it?

Why do friendships drift when communication is absent, personally when I am connected to a person on any level whether I communicate or not I leave the option for communication becoming known irrespective of whether I am social or not as expected. And I like that because I am aware of energy and having energy in my life matters for I have a sense of friends and people more accurately just by their energy and know there is trust, safety and integrity in the friends and people I know without needing to communicate. I wouldn't want to know them otherwise. Why is this different to understand for some people, and why is being social and communicate important, why do friends have to prove their trust and safety by the way they socialise. I already know how people are. Which is strange And I know while I know others don't and I then have to put effort in proving that I am trusted and safe with integrity so people know what I'm on about. If I don't do that the opposite happens, I fall bellow the radar and people don't gain a sense of me and friends, people think I am being insincere and unauthentic. And carry on when I don't create enough of an impression of meaning.

And that is an interesting question what does having an impression of meaning mean to INFJs and INFPs?

 

[Jana]

I don't know if infjs are the most private person, but your description works very well for me. I am usually friendly and helpful to most of the people, but I always know where my heart really is and for whom is there. Sharing privacy is my way of giving someone my respect. Usually I need time, but sometimes, very rare though, I hang on someone I don't know well or long. I just feel that I am drawned (not just in romantic way). In thah cases I can be rather open.

But, the truth is that some parts of me are just mine and in some topics I just don't feel comfortable with sharing.

 

[Jana]

But, the truth is that some parts of me are just mine and in some topics I just don't feel comfortable with sharing.

For example, I am woman, but I never felt need for "sex and city"type of chatting...My partners and loves are mine, I would not be comfortable by anylizing them in company...

 

[Orion]

While INFP create a buffer and let the good the bad and ugly in and then just share the parts of themselves while ignoring and avoiding other parts without letting go as much. Still do after time probably, depends on experience. While INFJ's seem more decisive and final and do some kind of mental spring cleaning where they feel the need to be invisible, remove any connections that don't feel like connections and are insincere or untrusted to preserve that feeling of privacy.

I think this is really true. For the record, my girlfriend is INFJ and the closest person to her is her INFP sister.

While INFP create a buffer and let the good the bad and ugly in and then just share the parts of themselves while ignoring and avoiding other parts without letting go as much.

Ne at first glance can look like Se as they are pretty much similar in operation and I think this attributes to INFP's probably being easier to get to know and easier at fitting into social contexts. On a wider scale, Ne is easier to come to terms with for most people.

While INFJ's seem more decisive and final and do some kind of mental spring cleaning where they feel the need to be invisible, remove any connections that don't feel like connections and are insincere or untrusted to preserve that feeling of privacy.

A product of their Fe. In my opinion, INFJ's are far more sensitive than INFP's when it comes to conflict and disharmony because Fe absolute hates it when things don't align the way they want them to. If an INFJ sincerely reaches out to someone and that person squanders it in a mistrustful act then an INFJ is more likely to withdraw. Wheras, "reaching out" for possibilities and conncetions is something INFPs do constantly and is nothing to them. It's all about where the intention, motivation and cultivation of their values originates from. For INFP's I get the impression those values are not relative because of Fi and therfore connect with the outer world with a much more fluid and much more impressionable Ne. INFJ's values are relative because Fe waits for confirmation and decides what is what, based on the things that happen once they decided to commit (objective extroversion). If it doesn't work or go as planned, it's back to the drawing board of Ni.

Fi dominant values are hard to explain but Fi itself is not that alien, couple that with the alluring Ne and you have someone who, in theory would probably be less private then an INFJ. Ni dominant ideas and impressions are extremely alien and hard to get a grasp but Fe is familiar and cohesive. But that Fe is extremely specific even then and only used in strength and certainty in a small amount of contexts.

That was a bit of a ramble, I'm not really sure what I'm saying any more :wacko:

 

[kammy]

On a social level, I will be open about my life with people I respect and like.. doesn't matter if they are co-worker or friend. But that is very light conversation and I find it easier to connect with people by being honest and relative. I would say only two people know me on a very personal level though. I have other friends who like to bring me out of my shell (extroverts), but don't necessarily want to know about my dreams and good books. I like it that way!

 

[Raccoon Love]

What I found is that INFJ's are experts at displaying which aspects of themselves to keep in secret, and which to keep open whereas an INFP will attempt to keep themselves in private but are seen as more open due to the nature of Ne. Ni works as an introverted perceiving process meaning that it first looks at the situation and later judges (Fe) when its appropriate to say something or not. (Fi) on the other hand is more likely to judge the situation right away on a personal, internal level and then show the world how it perceives it(Ne). So in the end I would say INFJ's tend to be open when it comes to interacting with others, socializing( while not revealing much of their personal selves) whereas INFP's are more open to let all aspects of their personality out, though they would most likely withdraw if their values or themselves feel personally hurt.

Excuse how messy this is worded..had a hard time explaining(and its from my perspective) lolol

 

[jn56uytrx]

Interesting question. I think there was a lot of insight in the scenarios you posed and others answers here.

I don't know if there is a more or less private, but rather just private in different ways.

My sense is that an INFP maybe has better ease with keeping things private consistently. I've heard more than one INFP state that nothing gives them more pleasure than to have people strip their psyches naked for them. Maybe there is so much pleasure in seeing others reveal completely because that is not something an INFP comfortably does. Maybe it's an aspiration appreciation? I don't really know.

My sense is that an INFJ tends to have both a more rigid and more variable approach to privacy. My sense is that an INFP has a more flexible approach to privacy, but one that tends to float more closely along a regular static point.

I will speak for myself in that when I'm being open I'm very conscious about wanting to reveal everything. Holding things back for me seems like poison. I have the sense that if I feel something needs to be held back then I'm creating a situation within myself that feeds lack of self-awareness. If I can't own something publicly then I'm not owning it for myself. So I think when I try to be open, I'm truly trying to put everything I am out there.

That said, I have an awareness of levels of social safety. For example, I'm not open at work. My privacy there is self-protective. I've assessed the social environment to be unsafe for sharing all of myself. There are many social environments where this assessment is made to differing degrees.

So basically I make social assessments of what level it is OK to be open to in a relationship. If I've made the wide-open assessment, then I'm as wide-open as I can be self-aware of. If I begin to feel that there is some social danger and I have to reassess that wide-open assessment, I begin to close down. My closing down from a wide-open place can have some over-reaction to it. If I had previously thought an environment was a wide-open place, but I become aware of social cues that lead me to believe it's not safe to be so, I can clamp down far further than is actually likely required while I reassess the real level of openness that would be appropriate. Sometimes I'm so skittish that I just leave in the closed down state and don't give reassessment the effort.

So yeah, my uneducated guess is both are private in such different ways that a more than/less than comparison is not easily possible. Just different. I do think though, in my uneducated perspective, that perhaps infps are more consistently low-level private and infjs are more likely to completely lock down.

 

[This]

Well I'm an INFJ and for me I need physical privacy but not necessarily a high level of emotional privacy, I have no problem sharing myself with others but I have a big problem with people touching my stuff, opening my mail or bothering me when I want to be alone, such is the level of this compulsion for physical privacy that when I was 16 years old I drove to home depot bought a REAL outdoor keyed entry type lock for my bedroom door and installed it.

 

[Saru Inc]

@Op, this is very much the case for me, and why I thought I was an extravert at first. Once I am comfortable around people, and I have sufficiently known them, I am very loud, gregarious, and friendly to everyone there. However, once a new person comes into the mix, I withdraw, and wait for the person to make themself known. Once that is done, and I have garnered all I need, I go back to being my old self.

However, I think INFJs are more private, while INFPs are more quiet. INFJs, due to Ni-dom won't share anything if they know it won't be accepted properly (which we KNOW). INFPs, due to Fi-dom/INFPness may share all of them (in fact, they usually do share a lot in order to further their causes), difference being is they are still quiet people.

 

[laurie]

I'm not too sure if INFJs are more private, but they tend to talk a lot more than INFPs without revealing anything. I recently discovered I know an INFJ (a shock) and they made me notice how little INFJs talks about themselves or things that bother them.

I think I have yet to meet an INFP, but I hope I meet one

 

[SamE]

I think this is really true. For the record, my girlfriend is INFJ and the closest person to her is her INFP sister.

Fi dominant values are hard to explain but Fi itself is not that alien, couple that with the alluring Ne and you have someone who, in theory would probably be less private then an INFJ. Ni dominant ideas and impressions are extremely alien and hard to get a grasp but Fe is familiar and cohesive. But that Fe is extremely specific even then and only used in strength and certainty in a small amount of contexts.

That was a bit of a ramble, I'm not really sure what I'm saying any more :wacko:

Ha, if that's a ramble then its welcome.

What I find curious more curious is the social aspect, INFJ feel the need to self sacrifice INFP do not as much. On the one side INFP want to be known yet are unknown because their effort in creating connections through communication isn't as social as INFJ. And then on the other side INFJ are more social and experience more social connections while disengaging from fully opening up. Then on the other sides INFPs don't mind opening up and yet have self disclosure issues as would INFJ. And while INFP are more accessible are difficult in getting to know because of being daydreamy while INFJ are difficult to know because of their reservations.

What a strange world, I wonder how much truth is in what I said.

While INFPs and INFJs love to blog about themselves its different here once more. It is in the patterns of NFs too.

 

[acd]

Are INFJs or INFPs or another personality the most private personality to know. Are INFJs the toughest personality to become friends with on a deeper level to be known because of your privacy and guardedness?

I know INFJ are said to be socially active when it comes to be comfortable and do create the haven for the social outlet but how much are you comfortable in being personable with others, letting them into your world and trusting them to be good friends?

As opposed to being social for the sake of being social on the surface and wanting the privacy and distance. And then there is the doorslam after events become unfavorable, uncomfortable. I've noticed INFPs and INFJs respond differently. While INFP create a buffer and let the good the bad and ugly in and then just share the parts of themselves while ignoring and avoiding other parts without letting go as much. Still do after time probably, depends on experience. While INFJ's seem more decisive and final and do some kind of mental spring cleaning where they feel the need to be invisible, remove any connections that don't feel like connections and are insincere or untrusted to preserve that feeling of privacy. Again this mayn't be the norm which is why I am interested in discussion to understand this better and how often does trust and safety come into it?

I really identify with the way you describe the INFJ here. I actually wish I were more able to loosen up and in social situations...but I always feel guarded and the need to be more observant at first. It's very hard for me to open up or just be comfortable. It either takes months to begin to open up to people, or I have to have some sort of instant inner affinity with them and I open up immediately. I have a co-worker like that. We're both always saying, "I have no idea how you got me to talk that much about myself, I usually don't tell most people anything!" (She happens to be an ENFJ). All that said, it's difficult for me to make friends. I have a lot of acquaintances who I hang out with-- but I don't feel comfortable enough with them with very vulnerable or personal info.

I have a friend who said she tested INFP and she's always very charming and easy going and makes friends wherever she goes. I've noticed that difference between us and wasn't really sure if it indicated maybe we were different types or just different variants. Anyway. I'm not sure if infjs are more private.. Based on my experience (I've determined that I'm an INFJ) I personally feel less comfortable talking very much at all let alone revealing anything about myself in new company...I am very guarded, while my INFP friend seems to jump right in the water and doesn't seem guarded at all. She doesn't reveal vulnerable information to people right away, but is quite talkative and not afraid of revealing what is important to her right off the bat. She has no qualms disagreeing with people in the open if they say or do something that contradicts her values.. and she does so without it turning into an argument.. she's usually able to make a joke of it.

I don't do that. I have strong opinions and convictions, but I don't bring them up in company. If I disagree with someone, I do it internally and take mental notes.

I tend to keep a steady parameter between myself and others unless I feel an instant affinity..


You should take a look at this communication theory Social Penetration Theory to compare INFJs and INFPs.

 

[SamE]

Hi Tovlo.

Interesting question. I think there was a lot of insight in the scenarios you posed and others answers here.

I don't know if there is a more or less private, but rather just private in different ways.

My sense is that an INFP maybe has better ease with keeping things private consistently. I've heard more than one INFP state that nothing gives them more pleasure than to have people strip their psyches naked for them. Maybe there is so much pleasure in seeing others reveal completely because that is not something an INFP comfortably does. Maybe it's an aspiration appreciation? I don't really know.

That's the first time I heard of the strip their psyches naked reference. Does that mean INFPs are more slowly revealing than INFJs? And what does aspiration appreciation mean? Does being latebloomers in life create the discontinuity as well, being late, then being more tightly wound in letting the kind of friends in their life that create the fullness in their life when that is wanted. How is there a difference in allowing and accepting who we are and others and expressing what we are on about without the vulnerabilities and expectations that are there sometimes? I mean do people and friends expect too much or too little of each other, does the guardedness come from a curve of experiences, and INFPs and INFJs are more accessible than others because of the different upbringings in their social structures based on their backgrounds? Also would that mean reacting differently to different people based on levels of intuition and experiences that are created from upbringing in trusting ourselves and others with the joys and pains of life? As well as the bringing into and out of awareness the negative and positive people and experiences we have.

My sense is that an INFJ tends to have both a more rigid and more variable approach to privacy. My sense is that an INFP has a more flexible approach to privacy, but one that tends to float more closely along a regular static point.

I will speak for myself in that when I'm being open I'm very conscious about wanting to reveal everything. Holding things back for me seems like poison. I have the sense that if I feel something needs to be held back then I'm creating a situation within myself that feeds lack of self-awareness. If I can't own something publicly then I'm not owning it for myself. So I think when I try to be open, I'm truly trying to put everything I am out there.

Interesting, is that based on a level of trust and safety and integrity in the other person that you open to and receptive of? Does that mean the inhibition to hold back is gone and what you have is maturity without the need to feel embarrassed about weaknesses and strengths instead being comfortable in your own skin as it were and relaxed enough to know that when you are others will too. To trust in the process of being?

That said, I have an awareness of levels of social safety. For example, I'm not open at work. My privacy there is self-protective. I've assessed the social environment to be unsafe for sharing all of myself. There are many social environments where this assessment is made to differing degrees.

So basically I make social assessments of what level it is OK to be open to in a relationship. If I've made the wide-open assessment, then I'm as wide-open as I can be self-aware of. If I begin to feel that there is some social danger and I have to reassess that wide-open assessment, I begin to close down. My closing down from a wide-open place can have some over-reaction to it. If I had previously thought an environment was a wide-open place, but I become aware of social cues that lead me to believe it's not safe to be so, I can clamp down far further than is actually likely required while I reassess the real level of openness that would be appropriate. Sometimes I'm so skittish that I just leave in the closed down state and don't give reassessment the effort.

What leads you to know what is safe and what isn't in the assessment? I've noticed that mature people open up with less inhibition than younger people. And this goes for INFP and INFJ and being privy to their inner worlds.

And also yes it is sensible to have some distance from, or rather conscious level of social degree between working situations and friend situations because the environments are different where money is involved as the factor for earning a living and the like. Which changes the relationship and the views people have because money is a funny artifact that creates a lot of unnecessary focus and changes values and perceptions of what constitutes trust and safety and how to be known. As would the assessment of working environments in relation to being open on a needs to know basis as opposed to deeper level interaction. Based on the performances and different cultures and values and perceptions that arise from the social interactions that happen during public environments vs private environments. For naturally there are different context when it comes to how we view situations from work, from leisure, entertainment to private activities etc.

So yeah, my uneducated guess is both are private in such different ways that a more than/less than comparison is not easily possible. Just different. I do think though, in my uneducated perspective, that perhaps infps are more consistently low-level private and infjs are more likely to completely lock down.

Why would INFJ completely lock down and INFP stay be considered low level private? Difference in self preservation and trust levels? Different intuitive and precog awareness of outcomes and stories and patterns?

Its such a great feeling I feel comfortable to express once more and to hear the insight about this.

 

[Jana]

I'm not too sure if INFJs are more private, but they tend to talk a lot more than INFPs without revealing anything. I recently discovered I know an INFJ (a shock) and they made me notice how little INFJs talks about themselves or things that bother them.

Hm, that is very correct in my case

 

[jn56uytrx]

Hi Tovlo.

Hey. Nice to have the opportunity to talk with you.

Lots of questions requiring lots of generalizations. I'll try to answer each of them to the best of my observation or hypothesizing, but I don't know much of anything.

That's the first time I heard of the strip their psyches naked reference.

I first heard it over at the old infp forum. I know of at least one infp who has a lot of resonance with it. It doesn't speak to how the infp interacts, but rather the kind of interaction on the part of others that they find pleasure in. Or at least those infps that I recall expressing resonance with the idea.

Does that mean INFPs are more slowly revealing than INFJs?

Nope. I don't have any sense of whether that is true or not, but that statement wouldn't say anything about how an infp reveals.

And what does aspiration appreciation mean?

I meant aspirational appreciation, meaning that maybe that kind of stripping naked their inner experience to someone else isn't comfortable to them, but in seeing someone else do it, it provides courage for them to be more open. I don't know if that's the case, but I was playing with the possibility.

Does being latebloomers in life create the discontinuity as well, being late, then being more tightly wound in letting the kind of friends in their life that create the fullness in their life when that is wanted.

Not sure. My sense is that infps tend to be more openly honest about their experience earlier in life than infjs are. My sense is that infjs tend to be more socially adept earlier. In talking with people of both types, I sense this creates a situation where infps tend to be more comfortable in their own skin earlier and infjs tend to come to that kind of comfort later in life. Not sure if that plays into what you were getting at with the latebloomer thing or not, but something I've noted.

How is there a difference in allowing and accepting who we are and others and expressing what we are on about without the vulnerabilities and expectations that are there sometimes?

Not sure I understood, but I'll go on to answer your clarification questions and we'll see if we hit on something.

I mean do people and friends expect too much or too little of each other, does the guardedness come from a curve of experiences, and INFPs and INFJs are more accessible than others because of the different upbringings in their social structures based on their backgrounds?

I don't think expectations can be too much or too little. They just are. We have to figure out how we are comfortable dealing with them.

I do think there is an experiential factor to guardedness that doesn't have much to do with type. I thought after posting that while I stated that I was only speaking my experience, I probably spoke an infj with social anxiety experience more than I spoke to an infj experience.

So are you thinking that in the infx there is a social discomfort we experience that somehow makes us more accessible than others? Not sure. I think experiencing difficulties can often make one sensitive to those difficulties in others. If I didn't understand the gist of what you were asking, feel free to redirect me and I'll try again.

Also would that mean reacting differently to different people based on levels of intuition and experiences that are created from upbringing in trusting ourselves and others with the joys and pains of life? As well as the bringing into and out of awareness the negative and positive people and experiences we have.

Are you asking about there being differences in the way one would interact with someone based on what one can intuitively sense about another and then bringing past experience into the judgment of how to approach? If so, I can say that this is true for me.

Interesting, is that based on a level of trust and safety and integrity in the other person that you open to and receptive of?

When I open up, it's because I've sensed something about the environment to lead me to believe that my expression will be received well enough not to be scared. Again, that may not be an infj thing, but rather a social anxiety thing. Who knows?

Does that mean the inhibition to hold back is gone and what you have is maturity without the need to feel embarrassed about weaknesses and strengths instead being comfortable in your own skin as it were and relaxed enough to know that when you are others will too. To trust in the process of being?

I think some of that being comfortable in my own skin has come with maturity (and to be honest hanging around a lot of infps....talk about aspirational admiration!!!). Though what I was talking about in being completely open is something that's always been with me. I'm talking about being open because I feel safe to be open in the external environment. The comfortable in your own skin part allows me to be open even when I sense it won't be totally safe to do so. That's come with maturity. I'm not terribly skilled in it yet either.

What leads you to know what is safe and what isn't in the assessment?

For me, I note how people interact with and about other people. I take that as a cue as to how I might be treated. I also note how my initial expressions are treated. I tend to feel safe with people who express openness to various ways of being and don't pass judgment on things that are different. I also tend to feel safest with people who are liberal in their expressions of validation.

Why would INFJ completely lock down and INFP stay be considered low level private? Difference in self preservation and trust levels? Different intuitive and precog awareness of outcomes and stories and patterns?

Hmmm....not sure. I'm not even sure my assessment makes any sense across the types. It's just a pattern I've noted a bit.

 

[Bird]

I think when determining this one should
consider the enneagram type as well as
one's instinctual variant.

 

[SamE]

Hey. Nice to have the opportunity to talk with you.

Lots of questions requiring lots of generalizations. I'll try to answer each of them to the best of my observation or hypothesizing, but I don't know much of anything.

I first heard it over at the old infp forum. I know of at least one infp who has a lot of resonance with it. It doesn't speak to how the infp interacts, but rather the kind of interaction on the part of others that they find pleasure in. Or at least those infps that I recall expressing resonance with the idea.

Nope. I don't have any sense of whether that is true or not, but that statement wouldn't say anything about how an infp reveals.

I meant aspirational appreciation, meaning that maybe that kind of stripping naked their inner experience to someone else isn't comfortable to them, but in seeing someone else do it, it provides courage for them to be more open. I don't know if that's the case, but I was playing with the possibility.

Not sure. My sense is that infps tend to be more openly honest about their experience earlier in life than infjs are. My sense is that infjs tend to be more socially adept earlier. In talking with people of both types, I sense this creates a situation where infps tend to be more comfortable in their own skin earlier and infjs tend to come to that kind of comfort later in life. Not sure if that plays into what you were getting at with the latebloomer thing or not, but something I've noted.

Not sure I understood, but I'll go on to answer your clarification questions and we'll see if we hit on something.

I don't think expectations can be too much or too little. They just are. We have to figure out how we are comfortable dealing with them.

I do think there is an experiential factor to guardedness that doesn't have much to do with type. I thought after posting that while I stated that I was only speaking my experience, I probably spoke an infj with social anxiety experience more than I spoke to an infj experience.

So are you thinking that in the infx there is a social discomfort we experience that somehow makes us more accessible than others? Not sure. I think experiencing difficulties can often make one sensitive to those difficulties in others. If I didn't understand the gist of what you were asking, feel free to redirect me and I'll try again.

Are you asking about there being differences in the way one would interact with someone based on what one can intuitively sense about another and then bringing past experience into the judgment of how to approach? If so, I can say that this is true for me.

When I open up, it's because I've sensed something about the environment to lead me to believe that my expression will be received well enough not to be scared. Again, that may not be an infj thing, but rather a social anxiety thing. Who knows?

I think some of that being comfortable in my own skin has come with maturity (and to be honest hanging around a lot of infps....talk about aspirational admiration!!!). Though what I was talking about in being completely open is something that's always been with me. I'm talking about being open because I feel safe to be open in the external environment. The comfortable in your own skin part allows me to be open even when I sense it won't be totally safe to do so. That's come with maturity. I'm not terribly skilled in it yet either.

For me, I note how people interact with and about other people. I take that as a cue as to how I might be treated. I also note how my initial expressions are treated. I tend to feel safe with people who express openness to various ways of being and don't pass judgment on things that are different. I also tend to feel safest with people who are liberal in their expressions of validation.

Hmmm....not sure. I'm not even sure my assessment makes any sense across the types. It's just a pattern I've noted a bit.

Bear in mind I wrote that about 4am and it was a jumble of words there that makes for challenging interpretation.

It is possible although the terminology sounds from a none secure base now that I think about it. That the need to strip their psyches naked is an allusion to the inferiority of being comfortable in expressing their own attitudes and ideas. And then instead create an illusion that in order to identify with themselves they are distracting themselves by feeling through the psyche of the person that is giving and revealing about them. Which in fact feels like a distraction and a point of dissatisfaction on their part being much happier to identify in anothers identity then their own. When healthy I have a sense INFPs are then able to express freely without the necessity to fine tune in detail the expression of others to heap upon them their own issues and vulnerabilities. Which is going along the emotional guidance system which I like referencing because its so true. We are expressing our emotionality and instead of releasing we are bringing into awareness more of the same rather than moving towards a more satisfied field of energy. And its been like that in the infp forum via the loops. Perhaps it is a kind of courage, though I wouldn't necessarily agree here. And aspirational appreciation makes sense.

I've found that it is mature INFJs and INFPs that are in their mid 30s onwards that start becoming honest and candid and the early years closed and guarded in expressing their experiences and emotionality. I could be wrong, maybe this has changed in the generational face of how social experience has transpired in the advent of internet communication. Even so I have rarely experienced enough dialogue to place emphasis on this point either way, its been a bit moot really.

I suppose the guardedness is broader and encompasses any personalities boundaries and experiences in context to what they are comfortable in sharing about themselves. I probably meant inaccessible.

Yes I am asking about the experiences and judgments in the approach. How do you know its correct? During life we shift through many experiences and often times hear and find partial truths in our experiences and then place them into our psyche and reinterpret them into our truths of experiences. How do you know that the reinterpretation is the right kind and we aren't bringing into awareness those that confirm the wrong kind rather than the right kind of values and perceptions if that makes sense. And where is the distinction between how those partial truths that resonate between INFPs and INFJs change in context of association, attachment, likes and dislikes.

Which brings me to the being comfortable and validation. I've read that INFJ enjoy what is known as social chess in some respects where there is a subtle maneuverability in creating the social cohesiveness and trying to help at the same time. And in that respect appreciate close connections with a few and become familiar and comfortable expressing their ideas with them and become guarded when new energy enters the scene. And then are in observation mode as has been mentioned until INFJ gain a sense of the new energy, almost like the comfort level dropped enough to affect the freedom to be themselves until the safety was reconnected with the new energy to be validated and familiar and accepted.

Whereas INFP might do something similar however are open ended and while the preference to observe while interact with is there have a sense of what people are like. And rather than seeing new energy as needing to prove their worth and intentions go up to them and are welcoming more without feelings of the social chess and maneuverability that is created through feeling comfortable in becoming known.

In that respect the comfort level to open up and the validation needed to trust the person to be safe and comfortable how does that happen? Where is that from?

I know that in the past I was negative and that is an impression I have, the image map in some INFJ minds of a long time ago who excluded me forever. And now I find myself having the need to prove myself to INFJ almost like you guys are in scrutiny of the processes of social convention a lot more than INFPs. I mean we have active memories that are inherent in our living experiences yeah. And if we attended an event like a high school meeting decades later and a couple came up to anther couple saying oh sorry I was such an ass in high school. And the other person ah its nothing weakly, then later on confesses to their partner that it still affects them.

How much does memory recall like that play in the interaction of how we see into others as INFP and INFJ?

hahah I don't know what I'm saying.

 

[SamE]

I think when determining this one should
consider the enneagram type as well as
one's instinctual variant.

You might be onto something. Are you saying that Type 6 behaviour would be different to type 4 and type 5 INFPs and INFJs etc. Would you explain the instinctual variants more?

 

[Jana]

I tend to keep a steady parameter between myself and others unless I feel an instant affinity..

Very nice term, I agree with that totally.

 

[bagelriffic]

I think when determining this one should
consider the enneagram type as well as
one's instinctual variant.

the woman speaks teh truth