With Strings Attached

Trifoilum

Trifoilum

find wisdom, build hope.
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Hello, sorry for the disappearance;

I'd like to ask,
how do you distinguish between genuine gifts / actions / helps and those 'with strings attached' ?

Disclaimer : genuineness may or may not be exist. *shrugs*
 
If there's a giving vibe and real smile and caring from the person who gives me the gift / help, then i would assume it's for real. If there's a strange vibe, even the slightest, then usually the person giving something is doing this for some kind of profit of whatever kind.

Try not to accept too big of a gift so you don't "owe" anything back :)
 
I don't. If someone wants to give me something I always make the assumption that it's genuine. If they expect to be owed something in return, that's their problem and not mine. If they get bitter about it or place an expectation on me that I should behave a certain way because of their kindness then that's something they generated in their minds independent of me.
 
I use the context of the situation to determine whether or not they are gifting me because they want something from me. Of course anyone appreciates it when their generosity is reciprocated, but if the person in question has an obvious motive for coercing me into doing or giving them something they want, especially if we aren't very close and the gift is personalized, then I assume they're gifting me in direct hopes that I'll do something for them in return.
 
I do my extreme best not to accept stuff unless I know the person has no ulterior motives that I can think of. but I suppose that would depend on like how close you are to that person, your relationship with that person, what that gift is, the occasion of why that gift is presented, how many others are receiving that gift, timing of the gift, which are a few factors off the top of my head
 
SpecialEdition said:
I don't. If someone wants to give me something I always make the assumption that it's genuine. If they expect to be owed something in return, that's their problem and not mine. If they get bitter about it or place an expectation on me that I should behave a certain way because of their kindness then that's something they generated in their minds independent of me.
Click to expand...

This.

It's really hard to read another person's motives for doing what they do. Even if you outright ask them - they might not even know their own hidden motives.

So it's easier to adopt SpecialEdition's perspective.

If you accept their gift as genuine - then this gives both of you an opportunity to learn both the joy of giving and receiving. If you are always suspicious of others....then they will feel that....and you may turn away potential mutually beneficial relationships.
 
SpecialEdition said:
I don't. If someone wants to give me something I always make the assumption that it's genuine. If they expect to be owed something in return, that's their problem and not mine. If they get bitter about it or place an expectation on me that I should behave a certain way because of their kindness then that's something they generated in their minds independent of me.
Click to expand...

EXACTLY.
 
Well, if they do not tell you up front, then they will come asking for favors later.

A good thing is to know what you could do for them (or what you think they you could do for them) and what they might want from you.

A better thing is to know them and their motives and whether they act sincerely or not in general- to see how they treat people. Chances are if they treat others bad and you good, you're the person they want something from and they'll turn on you later.
 
well fucking shit, I -have- doomsayed this.

Fucking shit.
 
I don't. I pre-empt this situation by signing "non-aggression pacts" (no gifts) with all people in my milieu. At first, people thought that was weird and that you can't do that on Christmas. But once they realized that it liberates them from

a) the shopping hassle
b) the "strings attached"
c) how it decommodifies Christmas and
d) becomes more social-oriented again

they really got into it. So I suggest you do that, too, and see how cool it actually is.
 
It is interesting btw, how intentions and expectations from our side and the others intertwine.
 
I look at the wider context of their behavior towards me when judging.

As an example that's not about gifts, there's no strings attached in asking for my Facebook or other contact information. There are strings attached when very friendly men I don't know or have just met ask (not strings, but motives that are not stated).
 
SpecialEdition said:
I don't. If someone wants to give me something I always make the assumption that it's genuine. If they expect to be owed something in return, that's their problem and not mine. If they get bitter about it or place an expectation on me that I should behave a certain way because of their kindness then that's something they generated in their minds independent of me.
Click to expand...

and if they get bitter they stop doing stuff for me and that's fine with me too.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top