You're right that every man has his unique battles and problems. You and I are no different. When I have this truth centered in my mind, I am assured that every step of improvement I take is phenomenal, no matter how small, no matter how long it takes for me to take a step forward. Life is unfair, but the harder your circumstances, the greater the man you can become.
My mother was a critical woman at times and a very nurturing one at other times, much like yours. I can tell you that it does get better with time, especially if you take the right efforts. Mothers can say things to kill our drive to separate from them emotionally, but staying in that mother-child mold is not healthy for us. I remember times when I yelled loudly at my mother for the things she did or said to continue controlling my life. I was sorry for doing it, but that was okay. Mentally, I was learning to let go of her. I continued drawing boundaries and spent less time around her. I practice this even now. And as I grew in independence, I was able to love her in a more genuine manner as an adult---as an independent adult with boundaries---not as a fearful child in the grips of a fearful mother, afraid to lose her child. She had to lose her "child" in order to relate to her son. She did change, but it required that I take the initiative to break away from her and to seek the support of friends and other men. She is now more emotionally grounded and peaceful around me. The bond can never be the same again, but it's a healthier relationship.
It will get easier as long as you continue to draw the line──as long as you continue to separate from her emotionally until you're grounded and independent enough to relate her as an adult. Whenever you see that she's trying to cling, you'll have to take a step further away, until she has changed. This will seem to hurt her for a time, but you must create this void, so that she can adjust to the new you.
