I think everyone should get some leeway to be shitty sometimes, since everyone is shitty sometimes. Being shitty is just a part of life.
I just think it's unreasonable to expect people to never be shitty just because you were able to resist it during your specific situation when you were grieving, especially when it involves telling people they should futher alter their circumstances to preserve the fragile feelings of others on the off chance they might upset a vulnerable person. Sometimes a person is more responsible and they have more of a choice, and sometimes some types of people don't have as much control as others, especially during certain periods of their life. Not everyone is capable of handling emotions on the same level.