Recent content by uuu

@niar I would add, as a complicating factor, that some of my genuine, no-shit closest friends *are* people I met at work. But I don't feel that way about everyone. So another dimension of the "stage acting" is ensuring that nobody perceives me as favoring my friends unfairly or playing...

I don't know what much I have to add to this thread beyond my own anecdata. What I see: Boys are taught from a young age that they can never hope to be as "emotionally intelligent" or "empathy" or "good listeners" as women, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They have found some "refuge"...

To clarify, "new guy" there was not a reference to you but to the other colleague.

Haha, yes, I have also been on a long journey of dealing with narcissistic coworkers and superiors (see new guy I introduced 2 posts back). However, I think the range of people I am thinking about in this thread is larger than narcissists and sociopaths, who clearly harbor bad intentions. I...

Generalizing, one of the reasons that I find showing false kindness in low-stakes settings so draining is precisely because of the OCD voice inside of my saying the sorts of things that TomasM is saying: That my discomfort must reflect some deeper moral failing within me, such as failing to...

@TomasM, I appreciate your perspective, but the attempt to uncover a deeper insecurity here just doesn't ring true. Of course my question was inspired by a particular interaction, but I really did want to have a general discussion about the question in the thread title and hear others'...

Eh, I like to think I am not so superficial as to condition my being mean or nice to him on whether or not he has a role to play in my performance evaluation. (FWIW, our work doesn't really do the "peer eval" thing except for more senior management.) There is a certain baseline kindness I try to...

I don't see the inconsistency in my description of him—surely you agree that being a good or nice person is not the same as being smart or good at business. Basically, he is a kind and sociable person, he just lacks the skills to do his job, and is in denial about this and often volunteers for...

My favorite thing about this thread is (implying INFJs don't like to debate) followed by a long debate about whether or not OP really is an INFJ :laughing: As others have said, the concept of a "debate" is broad and could include things like academic debates with pre-assigned sides and no skin...

That's funny—I don't know how I wrote the original post without thinking of or mentioning that fact that I am a musician with lots of formal training in classical and western theory. I love talking about music with other musicians, analyzing what makes a song works, the interplay of lyric and...

I think you and I are in different places in our journeys. Historically, my problem has been that in every uncomfortable interaction, I tried too hard to see the good in the other, and blamed too much of the discomfort on myself (e.g. that I was too judgmental or prideful). This is a habit I...

At work, I sometimes have to exchange pleasantries with people who I don't really like, e.g. because they are bad at their job in a way that makes mine more difficult or because they ask too many uncomfortable questions about my personal life. I have learned to handle these interactions by...

I saw a quip somewhere—might have been a newspaper column—about how Gen Z doesn't talk about music the way previous generations did. You know, exchanging recommendations, trading records, that kind of stereotypical Boomer and Gen X thing. Does this ring true to your experience? I'm no Zoomer...

Thank you for this. He and I really do have a lot in common, although some differences in the details. I get more anxious than depressed. Just cannot stop thinking, pacing, and muttering to myself about what would happen, what I would do, whether I would be adequately prepared. The only thing...

Would you be able to tell me more about them? (Or link if maybe you have posted about it before)