Abusive Relationship

Shai Gar said:
I meant children, not adults.

Maybe your friend has a hidden desire for being a sub (S&M) and feels the same of being a sub so she pretends not to be to everyone else.

She might have found the perfect partner.
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Who are you talking to in regards to your post?
 
Abuse is a terrible thing, and it changes people inside and out. I don't see how telling an adult in an abusive relationship 'you deserve to be abused' is supposed to help them break the cycle of abuse. If anything, that kind of logic empowers the abuser (who is justified in their abuse of others). People in abusive realtionships need a helping hand to pull them up, and not one that pushes them back down.
 
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I don't say that, I just cease caring.

Unless she's held at gunpoint, there's nothing stopping her to leave.
 
i put people accidentally, i came back to edit it, but you had already posted.
 
Turning away can be just as painful. What if you could help that person and you didn't care enough to?

As for leaving, what about the fear, despair, and isolation that abused people feel? They may leave, but abuse can form a dependence because the person being abused feels that they are not good enough to be treated better or to be loved. Someone may be able to leave, but that doesn't mean there aren't consequences for the actions that people take. Even at gunpoint, the abused is still free to leave. People of all genders, age, culture, creed, religion, etc can suffer from abuse; also, abuse does not have to be only between two people (such as a man and a woman). The jewish people were abused brutally by the Nazis in death camps. There are plenty of examples in history of abuse, and I don't think that we should hold those abused in lower esteem or just stop caring. Elie Wiesel (a holocaust survivor) talked about the dangers of apathy in some of his speeches. We can be as much of the cycle of abuse by not helping someone in need.
 
Shai Gar said:
Kill your friends other half or kidnap your friend and take her to a brainwashing expert.

People who remain in abusive relationships deserve to be abused. If you want her out, you'll need to be drastic.
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Shai Gar said:
I don't say that, I just cease caring.

Unless she's held at gunpoint, there's nothing stopping her to leave.
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You didn't say what, now?
 
Well obviously, you did state that you think people who stay in abusive relationships deserve to be abused, and then when Azure_Knight said he disagreed with that statement you said you didn't say that. Well then, what exactly didn't you say? And it's kind of hard to keep up with your posts when you keep editing information in them.
 
I don't say, to their faces, as he is implying, that they deserve to be in an abusive relationship.

As far as I'm concerned, once I know someone is in an abusive relationship, I never talk to them again. They become, in my eyes, too stupid to be deemed equals.
 
Shai Gar said:
I don't say, to their faces, as he is implying, that they deserve to be in an abusive relationship.

As far as I'm concerned, once I know someone is in an abusive relationship, I never talk to them again. They become, in my eyes, too stupid to be deemed equals.
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Too stupid and not an equal based on what, though? A poor understanding of their psychology?
I fail to see anything substantial in your position on this. You're just arguing based on emotion because it's clear that understanding into the issue is lacking.

The fact that they are shunned condones the abuser's behavior, whether you explicitly say anything or not.. It's a "sin of omission."
 
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As far as I'm concerned, once I know someone is in an abusive relationship, I never talk to them again. They become, in my eyes, too stupid to be deemed equals.
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Do you really believe that?
 
In most situations, I'm inclined to agree but there are external and random factors that can sometimes result in abuse. If a woman/man/anyone is willingly in a relationship that is abusive and does not seek help, that's foolish. But if the abusive relationship is somehow socially acceptable, such as in places like Iraq, I don't see how Women are weak for accepting abuse when

1. It's all that they have known since they have not been educated differently
2. There are very few resources they can go to in order to get help.
 
If some of you actually think that it's all so black and white when you're in an abusive relationship, then you're quite frankly idiots. If it was really as cut and dry as "this relationship is abusive, why am I even here anymore?" then it wouldn't be so hard for victims to extricate themselves from the situation.

It's not binary "this relationship is abusive" or "this relationship is not abusive", it's a slippery slope of grey in between. Some abusive relationships are a lot more grey area than black-eyed "he drinks and then he hits me" black.

I won't even begin to go into how sick it is to blame the victim for the abuse, either.
 
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WickedPod said:
Please, please, PLEASE don't leave your friend. I know it's tempting to detach when someone you love won't listen to you and continue to hurt themselves. I know that from my own experiences...
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WickedPod, thank you for sharing that! That was pretty awesome of you to be able to post that. I think I'd be too afraid to write something like that if I'd ever been in that situation. And you're right - Chopsifer's friend needs support, encouragement, and love. And she needs it NOW. And she needs to know that the SO isn't the only one who can love her.

Wyote said:
We accept the love we think we deserve.
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That is so very true, and so profound, on so many levels!

Chopsifer, any change that's going to happen from your friend must come from the inside. Like it did for WickedPod. Any attempts to change her from the outside will push her away. But you can help. She needs to know what a good relationship looks like. Use yours (with her) as an example. She needs to see that others love her too - don't give up on her, but surround her with loving friends! She needs support.

If you can, strike up a conversation about relationships in general, or even talk about one of your own. Describe what you like about it, why the other person is so amazing, etc. Paint her a picture of a healthy relationship. Make her see what healthy relationships are like (don't call it that, though). She'll see what you're showing, she'll want it, and she'll wonder why she doesn't have it. Hopefully she'll come to some good conclusions.
 
Thanks again for the advice everyone.
I talked to her and she reacted as I suspected. She said she would talk about it with him and that means that... well, as others have said. She will do exactly what she will do. I can only hope for the best at this point and be sure to let her know that I'm there for her, regardless of her relationship status with him.

I really didn't intend on this starting an argument in the forum. I hope that the issue, if there was one, is solved. If it isn't, I ask you to please resolve it in the mediation area or in a message.
 
Chopsifer said:
Thanks again for the advice everyone.
I talked to her and she reacted as I suspected. She said she would talk about it with him and that means that... well, as others have said. She will do exactly what she will do. I can only hope for the best at this point and be sure to let her know that I'm there for her, regardless of her relationship status with him.

I really didn't intend on this starting an argument in the forum. I hope that the issue, if there was one, is solved. If it isn't, I ask you to please resolve it in the mediation area or in a message.
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Good luck to you and your friend. I wish the best for both of you, truly.
 
Chopsifer said:
Thanks again for the advice everyone.
I talked to her and she reacted as I suspected. She said she would talk about it with him and that means that... well, as others have said. She will do exactly what she will do. I can only hope for the best at this point and be sure to let her know that I'm there for her, regardless of her relationship status with him.

I really didn't intend on this starting an argument in the forum. I hope that the issue, if there was one, is solved. If it isn't, I ask you to please resolve it in the mediation area or in a message.
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It doesn't seem as if anyone is brawling over this. It's obviously a subject that a few of us are very passionate and understanding about, but that doesn't mean it has/has to resort to fighting. For me, it hasn't.

I'm really glad to hear that you're going to be there for her no matter what. That's about all there is to do. Keep being a great friend to her!
 
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