aging partners

[Gaze]

I'm still not sure I understand the question. Can you clarify?

I'm not sure how else to explain. How do you handle differences in aging with partners?

I'm going through something similar with my husband.

There are benefits to getting older such as no more worries about reproduction, kids finally leaving home, less financial concerns. Libido problems seem to come to the forefront a bit too much for my liking but then there is the presence of a more mature love which is startling in many respects. It's as though we can now say anything to each other and we feel each other more than previously. We have become more connected.

His aging process seems to have slowed down since he revamped his appearance recently. I think it all took him by surprise somewhat. He has been sharing more vocally with me lately and I am hoping this new closeness is part of a greater process that will put right the libido issue.

So, we are pretty reflective at the moment and seem to be coming out of a bit of a strange period. Kind of reminds me of what we went through at the 7, then 14 year markers of our relationship. This time it's about opening up yet more emotionally and sex is a bit of an issue. Previously it was about independence and how much we shared verbally.

I think the main changes are to do with getting ready to lose parents and becoming different sort of parents and partners ourselves. Not easy shifts to navigate but we seem to be being pulled together more strongly.

Yeah, I would imagine this is a unique time for you all, having to figure out who you are as a couple after the kids have left the house. I've often heard couples don't know how to relate to each other after these major life changes because they are so used to focusing on their role as parents, caretakers, providers, rather than focusing on their partnership, so they are not sure how to suddenly find each other again after so much focus on someone else.

This is difficult to answer but I will try.
My partner and I are the same age but I come from a lucky blend of longevity and health. I have no gray hair or wrinkles and look/act much younger than my partner. He is very decanal looking with a gray beard. Distinguished.
I don't want to repeat what I stated in another thread but this does cause issues for me because we are now out of sync and he is less interested than I am in certain "things".
Also, I still seem to attract a very wide range of men of all ages. He used to attract the clingy, giggly late 20's type (my complete opposite) but not so much anymore from what I can tell.
This has never caused issues in the past but now I am thinking about other people, sort of out of frustration, so my feelings about him are changing mostly due to feeling rejected by him.
I don't know if that answers your question.

Maybe both of you are identifying areas where you are diverging, which may not be a bad thing. Different things interest both of you, and you and he could be discovering your evolving personalities, changing priorities.

 

[bagelriffic]

Couldn't care less about physical aging beyond 10-15+ years, never have.

Emotionally/Mentally is another story. Look at it yhis way: you can only move forward as fast as the slowest person in a group. If your partner refuses to evolve with you than the relationships not going anywhere regardless of what you're learning. A lot of people value consistency over change, nothing wrong with that, no morals here, its just not for me.

And I'm not advocating someone Should change for their partner, I think they should stay true to what they want because its coming out sooner or later anyway. Sooner one door closes and all that.