An Epiphany

Questingpoet

Questingpoet

Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
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I know we have discussed type and sexual orientation before. And I have pondered for many years why I was constantly mistaken for gay. I have nothing at all against varying sexual orientations. Just a curiosity, and anger for those who would assume and not see the real me! I always assumed reasons for people thinking this included:

I am small, neat, softer spoken, an "F" type, and interested in a variety of things that may not all be traditional for males.

But I was having a conversation with [MENTION=3052]kucala[/MENTION] and it came to me. The real reason for this constant belief. The INFJ nature. INFJ's desire more intimate contacts with friends, and less "quantity" in our friendships. I was perfectly happy to have one really close male friend and not have a group of "boys" to hang with. To some, especially other "T" type males, this seemed more like female behavior and thus the "gay" tag. What do you think? Is this a sound theory?
 
No. I keep very low quantity of friendships, and desire very very close connections. And I'm way too rough around the edges to be mistaken for gay.
 
Yea. Although, I find actually a lot of ESTPs are gay, ahahaha. Like, no one expects that type. But... I'm not saying that any type is more gay than the other, but I do agree, people might look at your personality and deem being gay. Frankly, I feel bad for an ESFP who is very effiminate, yet is straight, the reason I feel bad is because many women want that "ESTJ" man, who will protect them. Not to say an ESFP won't, but women may not see that in them.

At the same time though, people tend to think their gaydar is better than it really is. Some people's is way off, while others is decent.
 
To be honest, no I don't think this idea can really hold water. These interests and desire to have close connections with individuals is not something that is independent and unique to INFJ's. All people have the potential to desire close meaningful connections, and will prefer quality over quanity. Hell, I don't think I have ever met a person before who actually wanted more friends, over good friends.

Where this gay suspision comes form, I think comes from what you already described in yourself. You simply may have qualities that could lead someone to believe that you are as it might fit classical models for what "gay" is, in many peoples minds. I have seen videos of you before, and I have never suspected this of you, and I honestly have a hard time seeing how others might suspect this. Nevertheless, if there is a pattern, it's a pattern. I really do think it is independent of personality type though.

You might be able to explain why and how you as an INFJ give off this vibe. But because it would be so specefic for you, it can not be accurately extended to everyone else. It might work for some, but it's simply not reliable enough. I think that anyone could reason why they might perceived as gay within their own personality, and personality type. Thats the thing though, it's individualistic, and thus can't be extended outwards to others in a general sense.
 
Questingpoet said:
The INFJ nature. INFJ's desire more intimate contacts with friends, and less "quantity" in our friendships.
Click to expand...

Well, it is truth that my feelings for my dearest friends always were with itensity similar to romantic feelings, just without sexual part.
For long time I assumed that it is so with everybody. Only later I found out that all are not so passionate about friendships. And most people don't know that about me.
 
Good points Indy and thanks for chiming in. I hoped you would. I should add my personality has undergone what I consider significant change over the years and it was mostly in the past that I was assumed to be gay. I don't think my core has changed, but apparently something about me has. I can only assume its confidence. But why is that perceived to be a straight trait then?
 
Questingpoet said:
But I was having a conversation with @kucala and it came to me. The real reason for this constant belief. The INFJ nature. INFJ's desire more intimate contacts with friends, and less "quantity" in our friendships. I was perfectly happy to have one really close male friend and not have a group of "boys" to hang with. To some, especially other "T" type males, this seemed more like female behavior and thus the "gay" tag. What do you think? Is this a sound theory?
Click to expand...

Ok now this is just silly.

edit: like seriously ridiculous

editedit: unless people thought that guy was your boyfriend or something
or there was heavy touching
 
Artsu Tharaz said:
Ok now this is just silly.

edit: like seriously ridiculous

editedit: unless people thought that guy was your boyfriend or something
or there was heavy touching
Click to expand...

It's not "silly"! If you are going to make a statement like that back it up with WHY you think it's silly or riduculous. Your last editedit doesn't really do that. And I was not referring to one time, place or friend. It's something I observed over time.

Never underestimate the stupidity and laziness of people. Stereotypes are quick and easy. You don't have to spend a lot of time figuring out people then. I think people who tend to want to hang out with just one person all the time are seen in a different light, male or female. We are all suppose to be extroverted social butterflies remember?
 
What do most people do when they cannot, relate, understand or identify is just that, stereotype. How much cleaner and easier to just assume and box it up to make it understandable to their own small minds. How efficient to have everyone logged, boxed and tagged into their own little places. Like all Jews are cheap, all Italians are Guides or posts that aren't taken the time to be understood are silly. *snorts*
 
PoetessK said:
What do most people do when they cannot, relate, understand or identify is just that, stereotype. How much cleaner and easier to just assume and box it up to make it understandable to their own small minds. How efficient to have everyone logged, boxed and tagged into their own little places. Like all Jews are cheap, all Italians are Guides or posts that aren't taken the time to be understood are silly. *snorts*
Click to expand...

This, exactly.

Also, don't forget that all gypsies are con artists and Mexicans are lazy
and swedes are mentally lacking...blah, blah, blah

So since you are sensitive and a POET, you must be gay, lol.

As far as the INFJ thing, I'm too new to MBTI to say.
 
dream echo said:
This, exactly.

Also, don't forget that all gypsies are con artists and Mexicans are lazy
and swedes are mentally lacking...blah, blah, blah

So since you are sensitive and a POET, you must be gay, lol.

As far as the INFJ thing, I'm too new to MBTI to say.
Click to expand...

And god forbid if you write and dance! Then you're uber-gay!
 
I can't dance...but I did just spend the night at a Holiday Inn Express! :p
 
This thread is now officially off the rails!

train-wreck.jpg
 
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