Anger

[Gaze]

Anger is a human feeling. It's powerful and thrives on strong emotion. It can be good and it can be bad, depending on the feelings or the expression.

But what is good and bad anger?

Sometimes, if someone is upset, the person on the receiving end of the anger may get hurt, think it's stupid, ridiculous, unimportant or justified. As a result, they may let go of it, or hold on to it or keep it below the surface (passive aggressive anger), suppress it (which may lead to resentment), or express it by talking it out or by yelling, shouting, fits of rage or violent action.

Thing about anger is that we don't always need someone to accept our feelings. Sometimes, just acknowledging the reason for the anger can make it subside. It's often when those feelings are dismissed, condemned or ignored that we lose it.

So, we get upset and we get angry. This is normal, but what is healthy anger? And what is unhealthy?

And is it important to manage our anger? When and why?

And how do we manage anger in a healthy way?

 

[acd]

It seems:
Good anger is constructive
Bad anger is destructive

 

[Nixie]

I don't think anger is good or bad. I think it "is". IMO, feelings cannot be regulated internally, but you can learn to identify what made you angry and why. The only thing you can effectively control long term is your outward response to them.

There are generally a set of relationships/memories/associations with particular behaviors (conditioning) that drive our feelings. Mixed with those conditioned factors is the new, relevant anger triggering event coupled with the relationship dynamic (friend, lover, aqaintance, stranger). So there are a fair amount of components in play that generate the rage/anger in an individual. Anger as an emotion is uncontrollable. It has a process combining past and present actions that trigger negative emotions that the individual usually unknowningly follows. The key is that most people don't spend too much time understanding what makes them angry but there are triggers.

However the rage/anger response is entirely different. It has emotional and physical conditions to it. Anger can be so explosive that people have literal "black out" rage. So you must learn to control your response to anger. Coping techniques and conscious behavior choices are vital. Stuffing your rage down. Passive aggression. Violent outburst. These are all coping mechanisms that I would call undesireable.

 

[barbad0s]

Dalai Lama sent this on his Twitter account recently (yes, he has a Twitter.. I follow him LOL):

"Anger destroys our peace of mind and our physical health. We shouldn’t welcome it or think of it as natural or as a friend."

I do agree with him somewhat, but not really about the anger being natural thing. Of course it is natural. Plenty of chemicals that our bodies naturally secrete throughout us can be harmful.

I don't think there is such a thing as healthy anger, only anger coming from generally emotionally healthy individuals, and anger coming from generally less emotionally healthy individuals. Anger in itself is toxic, and one can choose to either dilute the toxin or let it concentrate.

At times, anger can help push me to a breaking point so that I come to take action, and in those circumstances it is a friend, but just as many times it can lead to dumb rash decisions from the clouding of rationality. I think it's always important for us to manage our anger. It's something I'm not entirely adept at yet and must keep working on, but I like to think of it like a hangover. Just give it time along with proper rest and nourishment, try to reason with yourself through it, and know that the cooldown will come to you soon.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Anger is neither good, nor bad. It is an emotional response to a perceived injury.


If you get angry at many things, or unreasonable things, it indicates that you identify yourself with too many, or unreasonable things.
If you don't get angry at anything, it indicates that you have no sense of self.

 

[Paladin-X]

I respectfully disagree with the statement that there is no good or bad anger. In that regard, it sounds as if the use of good and bad may be taken to mean the potential implication that the person's self is good or bad. In which I would agree with the disagreement in that case.

However, I have felt good and bad anger (as we all probably have). Good anger is less intense. You may still yell and say hurtful things, but you have more wits about you. With that said, bad anger is to the point where you've either lost control of yourself, or your at the borderline. Bad anger is intense, leaning closer to the realm of rage. It is an irrational compounded anger. It is not just about saying hurtful things, it is what also causes you to say 'fuck the world' and do whatever you want in that enraged state, regardless of the consequences.

I think within the context of my above argument, good anger is healthy anger and bad anger is unhealthy anger. Or perhaps I would better define it as rational vs irrational anger.

I would say both yes and no to the question of managing ones anger. I would say yes in that you must consider the situation first in how you choose to express it or not and then how to express it if you choose to do so. I would say no, in that if it has come to the point where you must manage your anger beyond a specific situation (IE if you're angry in general) then you must learn not to control or manage that anger, but examine it and identify the true source, and correct that. Being ever vigilant of one's emotions creates more anxiety, which leads to anger, and the cycle continues.

Anger is a trigger of an identified threat. Fear is the other. Remove the perception that lead you to identify a threat (assuming that the threat seems inappropriate for such an intense response) and you remove the anger. If you feel angry all the time, no doubt you feel threatened all the time (or threatened by the potential threat). Same for anxiety.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I respectfully disagree with the statement that there is no good or bad anger. In that regard, it sounds as if the use of good and bad may be taken to mean the potential implication that the person's self is good or bad. In which I would agree with the disagreement in that case.

However, I have felt good and bad anger (as we all probably have). Good anger is less intense. You may still yell and say hurtful things, but you have more wits about you. With that said, bad anger is to the point where you've either lost control of yourself, or your at the borderline. Bad anger is intense, leaning closer to the realm of rage. It is an irrational compounded anger. It is not just about saying hurtful things, it is what also causes you to say 'fuck the world' and do whatever you want in that enraged state, regardless of the consequences.

I think within the context of my above argument, good anger is healthy anger and bad anger is unhealthy anger. Or perhaps I would better define it as rational vs irrational anger.

I would say both yes and no to the question of managing ones anger. I would say yes in that you must consider the situation first in how you choose to express it or not and then how to express it if you choose to do so. I would say no, in that if it has come to the point where you must manage your anger beyond a specific situation (IE if you're angry in general) then you must learn not to control or manage that anger, but examine it and identify the true source, and correct that. Being ever vigilant of one's emotions creates more anxiety, which leads to anger, and the cycle continues.

Anger is a trigger of an identified threat. Fear is the other. Remove the perception that lead you to identify a threat (assuming that the threat seems inappropriate for such an intense response) and you remove the anger. If you feel angry all the time, no doubt you feel threatened all the time (or threatened by the potential threat). Same for anxiety.

Without wishing to be persnicketty about it, it seems that irrationality in the instances you mentioned above is what was bad. Any emotion can be directed, or expressed rationally, or irrationally.

 

[Paladin-X]

Yes, however we're discussing anger. Or did I miss the point of your statement? I do that sometimes. :S