Another ISTP thread

[GaiaGraha]

Hey Crabby, you weren't asking too much at all! You didn't ask me about that, it's just something that came to mind that I could have written about and then thought maybe I shouldn't. So no need to apologize!

Yeah, the outgoingness totally confused me for a while too. Now my boyfriend seems incredibly reserved when he's with individuals, but I didn't understand that for a long time since I got to know him mostly when we were in groups. It's cool that your buddy talks to you alone for long times.

I know what you mean about letting yourself be vulnerable giving you real strength... it's still happening with me after 2 years of dating... problem is, of course, you can't go around being vulnerable all the time, so i haven't figured that out. We end up arguing.

My boyfriend totally surprised me by very directly asking me if I was dating anyone, which I was at the time, pretty early when we were getting to know each other. Maybe that's almost inappropriate? I'm guessing your buddy is younger than my guy, since you're younger than me, so I wonder if he hasn't developed that skill of asking for a date yet. So maybe you will get your inappropriate-gesture- entertainment ;P Or maybe you want to help him along and ask him out yourself, just to practice that vulnerability thing?

I should probably say I'm still really unsure about my relationship (don't know if you've read any of my other threads about it). So, I'm encouraging you since it sounds like you're already sure it's what you want, but I have to be honest that I think ISTP relationships are pretty tough. You're young though, so I think you'll have fun, and you seem really perceptive, so I think you'll be okay whether it works in the longer run or not.

I'm jealous of his ability to be so outgoing with group and at parties. I SUCK at it. I'm a total wallflower. I have to be introduced to people, and then I don't know what to say. It's terribly depressing. I went with him to a party like a month ago and I kinda just followed him around because I didn't know anyone else and I felt like an idiot. But he knew like 5 people (out of like 60 people) and he still was talking to everyone and I was like "Ah! How do you DO that?"
Yes, it took him a while to actually TALK to me. He used to be really monosyllabic and VERY conservative with his words. We would hang out or chat online and I'd do practically all the talking. Sometimes now he doesn't have much to say about a topic, but sometimes now he'll just ramble away for hours. He'll share things with me that he hasn't told anyone and things that he has gone through (of course not expressing an EMOTION about them, I just have to try to intuit that), or sometimes we'll talk about things like politics, science, music, people we know, etc... and then sometimes he'll just explain the complexities of the FedEx Ground hiring system, or why opiates make you itchy, or the history of shoelaces......and that can go on FOR HOURS, rambling and moving from subject to subject.... O_O haha. But I listen, so he knows that he has someone there to listen. I've read that some ISTPs do that, and I think it's because, other than me and his co-workers, he doesn't have a lot of social interaction. He sees his best friend every once in a while, and his family lives across the country, and he has a VERY small need for people and he is also very picky about who he spends time with (I am too). So...yeah.

Yes well, you do have to tow that lines with being true to yourself with your vulnerability and your feelings, and having a shell to protect you and keep to under control. 'Tis difficult, I know. I feel your pain. :: I am interested in how your vulnerability leads to arguments, but that's perhaps too personal for a discussion thread.... PM? If ya want. ^_^

haha! Maybe that *would* be considered inappropriate. Awesome. t-hee.
He is 25, almost 26 (in about 2 weeks), so 4 1/2 years older than me, but still young. Haha! We'll see, maybe I will. But I'm not betting on it! I will certainly let you know if he does anything inappropriate! (lol!) But I can't 'help him along', I can't be THAT vulnerable! I guess I don't have the guts, lol, never have. (Every relationship I've had has started because the other person THREW themselves at me, literally and figuratively.) Plus, he's a great friend, and I don't wanna ruin that.

I don't think I have read your other posts or threads about this, I'll try to go find them though. I do understand the difficulties of this relationship- opposite Introverts. I've read that the most important thing to people understanding each other is the match-up between S and N- that Ns should date Ns, and Ss should date Ss- because you can communicate well with someone who matches up with you there because you "speak the same language". I know that I communicated better with the Ns I have dated compared to the S I dated, and I think it is true. However, I have also read about the interesting dynamic of some ISTPs and INFJs- how they sometimes will end up coming to the same conclusions about things albeit through totally different routes. And I also really like the idea of being with someone who is different from you in ways that help you grow and change, ya know? But, like all things, ya gotta strike a balance. You need to be different enough to be interesting and to incite growth, and alike enough that you get along and don't want to attack each other. haha.

Fuck I wrote a lot....