Anxious moments?

[HolySmoke]

I get anxious about posting all the time, it's similar to participating in conversations in real life, sometimes I just don't know if I have anything worthwhile to say.

I suppose here is different, here my opinions and thoughts will get questioned but never ridiculed or completely shunned, here I can be more free with what I say, although at times I still wonder if I post too often without contributing anything significant.

By the mere fact that what you contribute is always so different from what another INFJ would say, it is a welcomed reprieve.

I just hate hitting submit around here knowing that there will always be some kind of backlash. It may take it's time, but it happens. Typically, predictable in form as well. Marty has done a really good job summing it up. It's a mini world in here with all the same biases and stereotypes.

 

[Quinlan]

By the mere fact that what you contribute is always so different from what another INFJ would say, it is a welcomed reprieve.

I just hate hitting submit around here knowing that there will always be some kind of backlash. It may take it's time, but it happens. Typically, predictable in form as well. Marty has done a really good job summing it up. It's a mini world in here with all the same biases and stereotypes.

Thank you Smoke, I suppose while there's only one of my type I provide a point of difference without being too disruptive. I'm not sure what you mean by the second part (maybe I don't want to know?), I just hope it doesn't discourage you from posting as I really like your posts (even though sometimes my S brain struggles to comprehend at times).

 

[Soulful]

I definitely feel a bit anxious if I reply to a thread, especially because I'm new to this! It doesn't stop just there, I also get anxious around certain people. If I'm in a small group I feel like it's more "intimate" and I can talk more comfortably, whereas if it's a larger group I become much quieter and keep to myself. Whenever I feel like the spotlight is on me, I become very anxious. I know this may sound weird, but that's the reason I don't like to play games, it's like I'm afraid of saying something or doing something that will make me seem stupid. I know that other people won't think I'm stupid but I become so paranoid that it takes over.

Even though I may feel a twinge of anxiousness with certain circumstances, I still have very strong opinions and state them openly. I try to work around my anxiousness.

I can relate. I'm very quiet in general, especially in groups, and tend not to thrive in the spotlight - ESPECIALLY if it falls on me suddenly without warning. I love sharing my opinion but I definitely don't do it as often as I would like to because I try to avoid conflict which can sometimes arise, and I'll only share if I feel I can be understood and explain myself clearly.

By the mere fact that what you contribute is always so different from what another INFJ would say, it is a welcomed reprieve.

I just hate hitting submit around here knowing that there will always be some kind of backlash. It may take it's time, but it happens. Typically, predictable in form as well. Marty has done a really good job summing it up. It's a mini world in here with all the same biases and stereotypes.

I'm curious to read what Marty wrote, do you remember which post/topic area it may have been in?
I understand HolySmoke, I too wouldn't feel comfortable or overly eager submitting something if I felt or anticipated backlash against it. It's that whole conflict-avoidance thing, I think I would fade out..

 

[Soulful]

Thank you Smoke, I suppose while there's only one of my type I provide a point of difference without being too disruptive. I'm not sure what you mean by the second part (maybe I don't want to know?), I just hope it doesn't discourage you from posting as I really like your posts (even though sometimes my S brain struggles to comprehend at times).

I echo what HolySmoke said - various perspectives are valuable

What is it like to have "an S brain"? I've read the information that's available online.. but seeing as how you're around lots of Ns here, is there anything that really stands out to you? I'd love to understand better

 

[HolySmoke]

I'm curious to read what Marty wrote, do you remember which post/topic area it may have been in?
I understand HolySmoke, I too wouldn't feel comfortable or overly eager submitting something if I felt or anticipated backlash against it. It's that whole conflict-avoidance thing, I think I would fade out..

Lemme go find it...

 

[Soulful]

Lemme go find it...

Thanks!

 

[HolySmoke]

Thanks!

Thread name is : Expression of emotions/inner child ??

 

[Quinlan]

I echo what HolySmoke said - various perspectives are valuable

What is it like to have "an S brain"? I've read the information that's available online.. but seeing as how you're around lots of Ns here, is there anything that really stands out to you? I'd love to understand better

Well it's hard to say because I don't know any different, I don't think I'm quite as "grounded" and stuck in the real world as a lot of other Sensors but there are times when I will be reading an intuitive's writing and I find myself not being able to trust the intuitive leaps they make without them backing it up with something concrete, I'm always looking for that link back to concrete info or application. I usually take things as they are without trying to find some hidden meaning behind it. Strong intuitives tend to have a "floaty" writing style where it can go anywhere and I sometimes have a hard time following that.

As an ISFP I have tertiary Ni, and I think I use it a lot but for me it's more of a tool or a plaything than the essence of who I am like it is for you guys. I would describe tertiary Ni as almost like a party trick, a knack for "lucky" guesses, not my defining focus. The majority of my thought and awareness is on real world tangible things, I can find beauty in anything, I find the most mundane things beautiful and I'm always looking around and am aware of my senses, I also always have one eye on the sky, sensory awareness + tertiary Ni seems to give me an uncanny abilty to know what the weather is going to do. So I suppose the defining difference is what my focus is on, I spend a lot of my time focused on my immediate surroundings whereas I think maybe for you guys your focus is more on abstract thoughts/feelings and maybe more of a focus on the bigger picture. Haha on this board at times I feel like you guys are always thinking one scale up from me, for example in another thread I was thinking of survival in terms of one civilisation while Wyote was thinking of survival in terms of humanity as a whole.

Hmmm hope that wasn't too self indulgent and rambley.

 

[ZenCat]

I just hate hitting submit around here knowing that there will always be some kind of backlash. It may take it's time, but it happens. Typically, predictable in form as well. Marty has done a really good job summing it up. It's a mini world in here with all the same biases and stereotypes.

I haven't experienced this myself here, and feel very sorry that you have.

Comments I didn't expect, some opinions or directions I find objectionable, intensely strong emotions I find make me withdraw to a safe distance, yes. But not personal backlash.

I have absolutely experienced it on other forums, crushingly at times. And I don't expect this one to be free of risk; no forum is free of risk, especially as it gets larger and cliques form (i hate cliques). But I am saddened to hear you're feeling it here already.

p.s. I read through Marty's blog, to look for the summation you mentioned, but quite honestly, I find it very hard to follow and so remain clueless.

 

[Kitteh]

I get anxious in situations when I don't see the people I'm interacting with, so that includes posting, the phone, letters, e-mail and whatnot. I can't read them as well as I'm used to and it makes me feel all clumsy and awkward, like I'm wearing too strong glasses or something. And a little embarrased.

I think I'm more worried about not having anything useful or new to contribute.

There's that too. Which is strange, since personally I don't mind someone posting a simple "me too" or "well said" in reply. Which is why I also decided to include:

If there are things you feel, or believe, or have done that you feel others will judge you for, or leave you because of, you'll live with that fear forever. And it eats at you.

If you're open, and hide nothing, you cut to the chase, so to speak, and find out how people feel sooner rather than later.

I think that was very well said, and I've told myself to keep it in mind from now on.

I'm going to press submit now, before I change my mind again.

 

[HolySmoke]

I haven't experienced this myself here, and feel very sorry that you have.

p.s. I read through Marty's blog, to look for the summation you mentioned, but quite honestly, I find it very hard to follow and so remain clueless.

Thank you. I know, I can be sensitive, but the truth is that for close to 40 years I have been backstabbed by many so called friends irl, so I usually am careful around women for the most part. Generally avoid them, in fact. My husband has noticed this through the years as well. Women just don't like me. I think more like a man, actually, in many ways, if I can even make such a gross generalization. They just seem to be much less offended by me, my ways, my mannerisms and lifestyle, which is quite simple actually.
(Watch now all the males are like, no not me ! ! ! )

I also have high expectations of myself and subsequently humanity. On the other hand forgiving is easier, cut and move forward, where other's may have much more difficulty. Always the apple in the orange basket and so forth. To tired to articulate this better.

Thanks again. Opened me up. Wow. Kind of nice to get that out there.

PS marty's blogg is really good if you can read it fast. it's kindof like identifying the inhibitions and inner dialogues and taking the mask off of our public personna and so forth. The angel/devil on the shoulder talking ... funny. Hard to do.

 

[ZenCat]

I get that.

I actually have a deep mistrust of men (as a gender) and being an active member of online forums has gone a long (I mean seriously long) way toward adjusting my perception of them.

Tom has singlehandedly wiped away at least half of my lifelong assumptions about males, for which I'm eternally grateful. My son is actually making me rethink all of the assumptions I've ever made about them (except for the whole leaving socks lying around, can't find the mayonnaise when the damn jar is right there in front of them and never rinsing out a glass).

I've always mistrusted women, but don't fear them. To be completely honest, I still fear men. I had one very strong positive female role model growing up (my mother) and one very poor, vindictive, cruel, manipulative one (stepmother). So I take women on a case by case basis.

I also had a number of very poor male role models, most of whom were very distant, all of whom were treacherous, some of whom were dangerous, so I learned that Men Will Hurt You. Over the years I've amended that a little... Men may hurt you, but a Man is a person and therefore needs to be judged individually. A group of men (a gauntlet of men) is still something I will avoid at all costs.

This forum in particular is taking me in all sorts of interesting new directions regarding my observations of men, because most of the men here are open in a way that is completely alien to me, many are more vulnerable than I'd ever imagined was possible, and they are so different to each other as to make gender generalizations virtually impossible.

I may end up getting hurt here, I certainly got drawn and quartered emotionally on my last forum, but I think it's a worthwhile journey, and the discovery of it is something I kind of feel was introduced to me for a reason.

 

[HolySmoke]

I've always mistrusted women, but don't fear them. To be completely honest, I still fear men. I had one very strong positive female role model growing up (my mother) and one very poor, vindictive, cruel, manipulative one (stepmother). So I take women on a case by case basis.

I also had a number of very poor male role models, most of whom were very distant, all of whom were treacherous, some of whom were dangerous, so I learned that Men Will Hurt You...

This forum in particular is taking me in all sorts of interesting new directions regarding my observations of men, because most of the men here are open in a way that is completely alien to me, many are more vulnerable than I'd ever imagined was possible, and they are so different to each other as to make gender generalizations virtually impossible.

I may end up getting hurt here, I certainly got drawn and quartered emotionally on my last forum, but I think it's a worthwhile journey, and the discovery of it is something I kind of feel was introduced to me for a reason.

We've had reversed scenarios, which explains a lot. My relations with women have never been potentially or actually dangerous, but just seem to range from mildly disappointing to emotionally draining, manipulative or down right dog-eat-dog competitive. But I find competition in anything outside of debate or athletics unsavory, especially between women. Perhaps, it is women's way of relating to each other. I don't know.

I do think that this will help both of us in ways we have yet to discover. It may just serve to loosen up another thread in that knotty ball of yarn ! We all have them, afterall.