Are people who have lost a loved one more conscious of their mortality?

Artemisia said:
I think it is difficult for people who have not lost parents/children/spouses to understand this. And the more people you lose who are very close to you the worse it gets because each death also brings about the pain of the previous ones, also forcing you to think "I will be next". For me these deaths have probably been the most important growth experiences in my life.
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This is partly why I've accepted death and don't fear it though I do care as to how and when that time does come up. It does help to have some form of spirituality or religious belief beyond just the material existence.
 
I became more conscious of mortality in the age of 9, because I started to have suicidal thoughts for the first time back then. I've had suicidal thoughts throughout my whole life, it made me less scared of death in general. I think I was more scared of living than dying.

I've lost all of my grandparents in a fairly young age, mostly for different cancers. I lost my grandmother when I was 10 for cancer and half of them I haven't even met, because they passed away before I was born.

When I was 12 my mother told me that her kidneys are starting to stop working soon... My mother had a big surgery when I was in high school where she got a new kidney, those hours waiting to hear if the surgery was succesful felt very long. In 2018 my mother got a heart attack and she almost died. She was put into coma for about three months and every day I remember the nurses and doctors telling me that she could die at any moment. Her body was in a shock state and the kidney that she got a few years ago barely survived (she is well now <3). I've also had to call an ambulance for my mother in high school, when she suddenly went unconscious, and this was years before the surgery and the heart attack.

In 2017 I had to call an ambulance for myself in the middle of the night, because I felt like fainting, very weak, dizzy, cold sweat and my heart felt like it was bursting out of my chest. I've had panic attacks before in my life, but this wasn't a panic attack (the doctors didn't know what really caused it... they said it was a supraventricular tachycardia which can cause unconsciousness or cardiac arrest in the extreme cases). My heart rate was over 200 suddenly in a few seconds and blood pressure was 200/100 which is dangerous (hypertensive crisis that can lead to a stroke, I usually have a normal heart rate and blood pressure). I remember those minutes waiting for the ambulance and crying alone on the cold floor front of my door, trying to not faint, not knowing what was happening to me... It felt like time has stopped and that moment lasting forever. Fortunately nothing bad happened and I got back home after 7 hours being in the hospital emergency ward.

The loss of my grandparents and my mother's serious illnesses, also own illnesses have made me appreciate life and be grateful for every minute being alive. You never know when it may be your last day being alive or for someone who is close to you. Life is precious.
 
Not necessarily. It depends on the person. Some people, who are realist are always aware of the end therefore they always live according to it while some people who are emotional but logical enough has to experience it to get serious about it because they have been ignoring it but some people still can't be serious about it no matter how many of their loved ones are died because they are emotional and sensitive but not logical enough.

What's happening to you is denying the fact that you'll die because death around you spooked you therefore triggered your biological programming called survival. Some people want to leave a legacy behind as if thus they'll continue living after they died. You have to be in peace with death and stop denying it and stop seeing it as the ultimate bad thing since there are worse fates than death. No matter what you'll die and what you leave behind won't matter to you after you died because dead people have no reason to care about the world of living. Also, nothing is fundamentally bad or good, it just depends on how you want to see it. So for example, death is death no more or less. No need for drama. Though, in my opinion, the only ultimate bad thing I can think of is wasting your life for the fear of death if we had to consider one thing as a bad thing.

About the duration of life, it's not really short at all. I may didn't manage to complete even half of my bucket list yet and I'm 26 years old (I'm so baby, am I not?) but I was just bored and thought life is too long to live when I was 12 years old. I wasn't suicidal but I just want it to end and was suffering from burnout syndrome because I thought I wasted all my life for nothing therefore I ignored my responsibilities like attending classes and instead did what I wanted to like playing video games all day. Why you think life is short is just because time flows faster as anyone gets older because the brain's activity level decreases so mental tasks gets slower to complete and we mostly use our memory therefore be on autopilot more than being in the present therefore time skips more than ever in each second especially as we get tired. The only exception for it is when you are in a life-threatening situation and whatnot painful situations that make your brain be in emergency mode enough to increase its activity speed.

In that context what's happening to you happens to most people sooner or later. One must live their life to the fullest because you can't get back the time you lost no matter what so it's a good thing for you to realize you shouldn't waste your life because what's the point of being alive if you ain't living? Though one mustn't regret what they didn't instead of X because I'm sure you did what you could then and the past doesn't matter because you can't change it therefore future matters because you can control it.

Lastly, just because you are almost at 39 doesn't mean you are at the final moments of your life or something. Perhaps you'll live for another 39 years. I know anyone can die anytime but you really don't have to rush your life as if you'll die a second later enough to can't enjoy your life since you can do so much even just in 8 minutes. Also, sometimes I think "what the hell I'll do if I ever complete my bucket list" so I intentionally postpone it until the time I really need to complete them. After all, life is like a boat trip in which the boat trip is a good experience as long as you just sit and able to relax by being able to be happy about little things like the colour of the sea, shapes of the clouds, etc. and don't let shaking, fast winds, etc. ruin your fun. There are so many fishies to catch and I can catch a fish anytime. And the thing is it's okay if I can't catch anything because what matters is enjoying the activity, not the result per se because the result won't matter if you did/didn't enjoy the activity.
 
I think watching gore is a somewhat effective artificial way to help in placing your awareness on the fragility of a human life. After watching multiple videos of people having accidents, I become much more aware of each sensation in my body, and of my surroundings. And ultimately to avoid accidents, the interplay of my body and my surroundings is what I focus on. It's all a dance, and I want to waltz like a god. I understand if it makes you sick to your stomach, but I also believe it is good to experience unpleasant things and meditate on them - the more unpleasant, the better. The world is anything we place our awareness on, and sometimes it's good to look at the evil and dark world where Brazilian gangs cut each others' throats with rusty butter knives. It's not good to be fixated on either a positive or negative view of the world, although I think that as empaths INFJs are naturally highly unable to do so anyway, unless they are surrounded solely by either negativity or positivity.
 
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Likely to lose someone very close later this year. It's heartbreaking. Definitely making me conscious of my mortality but life will go on.
 
Artemisia said:
I have noticed that a few people, including myself, who have lost parents or loved ones at younger ages (childhood, young adulthood, 20s) tend to be more conscious of their own mortality and also of the passage of time. I lost both of my parents by the time I was 34 and now, at almost 39, I feel like I reflect on my own death a lot and on how short life's duration is. I also find that I have this urge to complete the things I want to complete in order to leave behind a legacy.

Does this sound like something other people have been through? Is this constant time urgency and contemplation on the shortness of life a constant in later adulthood, I wonder?
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Maybe for some? it wasn't for me.

I have been watching the days vanish since I was very small. It never ever felt like enough time, and that hasn't changed.
And I practiced. Mentally rehearsed how to handle the emotional pain of my parents dying because I knew it was inevitable. It helps a little, for me.
 
Absolutely.

I have lost quite a few people by the time I was 30 and lost my stepdad last year. All of them have had a profound impact on my worldview and has challenged many of my prior religious, spiritual, and philosophical views, views that have been ever evolving as I try and make sense of reality and existence.


*edited for grammar
 
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purplecrayons said:
This is true for me. It has made me a better parent and friend. This is how I want to use my time. Loving others and learning to love myself.
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This has been true for me as well. It has all brought meaning not only for oneself, but for others. Being every present for my children and for anyone I love has been one of my prime motivators in life, motivators that have arisen out of heartache and pain of loss.
 
For me, when I was younger and my relatives passed, I would feel the shock of the pain and grief of loss. I remember when my great-grandfather passed when I was in my early teens and it hit me like a blow that he’d never be there again. One day here, next day - gone. I had always thought of it in terms of their loss from my life, and the lives of their loved ones.

It wasn’t until I lost my dog last year though, that I really felt, it would be ok for me to die. That I wouldn’t mind. Not so much because I felt it would be ok to lose my life, but that I so much want to see her again. Some deaths hit a little closer to home, I think.

I did think of what it’d be like to lose my parents then and I know I would be, despite my difficult relations with them, utterly devastated. I imagine I would feel something close to annihilation and I don’t know how I will change after. I know I will change.

Edit: I suppose I share similar sentiments as Aneirin expressed in his blog today, when it comes to my girl.
 
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My father died last month ... and I've been depressed since, but I haven't felt any different with regards to my own mortality. It might be a cultural thing where we're socialized from childhood to expect death, early or late, doesn't matter.

Mortality for me is merely the end of this existence, nothing more, nothing less. I believe that I'm on earth to experience what the universe has made available to me to experience. Mortality simply means it's over.
 
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