Are you a healthy INFJ?

Are you a healthy INFJ?

  • Yes

    Votes: 17 54.8%

  • No

    Votes: 14 45.2%
  • Total voters
    31
- You care how you come across to people.
Not always.
- You consider other people's input and try to understand their point of view.
Try? Yes. Successful? Sometimes.
- You avoid obsessing over unimportant details that don't contribute to a common goal. (in group work situations)
Mostly. Sometimes I get stuck in a rut.
- You judge other people to the same degree as you judge yourself, your usefulness to society, etc.
Yes
- You have reasonable expectations of others.
lol....Nope
- You tolerate weaknesses in other people.
Physical weakness, yes. Emotional weakness(excessive drama), not so much.
- You don't believe you're always right.
uh...nope
- You practice effective ways to relax and unwind.
Yes, I do, do that.
- You forgive people and release grudges, regularly.
Yes, unless I was really hurt. That takes some time.
- You look for the good that you see in other people.
Yes
- You inform others that you when you require more time than expected to make decisions.
Not always, I just take extra time
- You communicate your thoughts to other people.
I usually keep my thoughts to myself
- You keep in mind the big picture.
Yes, I'm a big picture kind of guy
- You collect all relevant information before you come to a conclusion.
Usually
- You dwell on the sunny side of life.
I'm not overly optimistic, but I'm rarely in a bad mood. I'm just kind of chill.
 
I disagree that having some of the traits on that list really is so healthy. For instance, I consider myself a much healthier person now that I do not care nearly as much about how I come across. Before I cared too much about this and it made me self conscious and almost dishonest about who I was. More people probably dislike me now but I like myself better.

I do not think it is a good idea to dwell on the sunny side of life or look for just the good in people. Life is not always sunny and people are not always good. It is better I think to maintain a balanced view of both good and bad, most things are not black or white.

I never believed I was always right, I am far more likely to doubt myself than think I am right and that can cause major problems too. I actually need to trust that I might be right more.

Then I have never been able to hold grudges, my memory for past events is really too poor for that and if anything, I think I might need to be writing down some of the wrongs committed by others against me.

Balance again, I think some people's development/health means having more of the listed traits and some might need less of them.
 
Not very :/ mostly because I get stuck in inertia and indecision and can't mobilize myself to do anything or go out to socialize. I used to be healthier when I was in college but since I graduated my introversion has skyrocketed. Now I often get stuck in my thoughts like something would just pulls me in and doesn't let me out.
 
i tend to judge myself more harshly than others. i have no desire to change that.
 
knight in battle said:
- You don't believe you're always right.
Click to expand...


I'd make the argument that any true-to-type INFJ would always believe that they're always right . . . Deviation from that state would involve discarding the fundamental INFJ traits of idealistic perfectionism.

So the question: Does this hint that an INFJ is only healthy when they learn to stop acting like an INFJ?


Not believing you're always right would be a rejection of the Ni truths that you've been gifted enough to be given as your primary way of seeing the world. It's the reason that I believe many INFJs can appear as SO MANY different types. . . Ni betrayed them when they realized they weren't always right, so they fall into acting like a different type to cope with life. Ni perceptions turn to be treated as Ne possibilities, and get endlessly scrutinized within different mindsets.

Personally, I struggle with the fact that I have learned to believe that I'm not always right. . . but it usually ends up turning out that I was right from the start. I've had a couple of situations where I could have prevented a couple of serious injuries/deaths if I had been able to convince people of the dangers that I saw, but was convinced to ignore it because everyone told me I was being overly paranoid.


It seems to me to be an self perpetuating cycle which leaves me feeling crazy.

B
 
BMatt said:
So the question: Does this hint that an INFJ is only healthy when they learn to stop acting like an INFJ?


Ni betrayed them when they realized they weren't always right, so they fall into acting like a different type to cope with life. Ni perceptions turn to be treated as Ne possibilities, and get endlessly scrutinized within different mindsets.
Click to expand...

I think we should remain who we are, but I think experience narrows the possibilities of what could be right. It's the perfectionism that desires to be right in the first place. Let's suppose that the whole point of perception is to deepen or sharpen one's understanding of reality. If that's the case, one should probably consider even the variable that one could be wrong - but only insofar as to extract the truths elicited by such possibility.
 
knight in battle said:
I think we should remain who we are, but I think experience narrows the possibilities of what could be right. It's the perfectionism that desires to be right in the first place. Let's suppose that the whole point of perception is to deepen or sharpen one's understanding of reality. If that's the case, one should probably consider even the variable that one could be wrong - but only insofar as to extract the truths elicited by such possibility.
Click to expand...


I don't mean to say that we should never doubt ourselves . . . That would be dangerous and thoroughly unhealthy.


Disclaimer: I don't mean the following statements to be assertions of truth, but rather potential starting points for discussion.



What seems to constantly get me is the rarity/absence of people who will even consider the things that I believe will happen. . . even after I end up being right over and over. I find myself trying to discuss my concerns with possible outcomes and I'm usually given a blank stare and told to stop being pessimistic. I've constantly wondered HOW MANY TIMES do I need to be right before people will start listening to me. . . but the reality is that they'll never listen to me in a way that grants me validation of my ideas. . . the most I can hope for is that they'll stop outright dismissing me.

One of the major things I credit the whole MBTI/Jungian theories with is the insight it gives into HOW/WHY people see things so differently.


Imagine for a moment that you're an INFJ who doesn't know anything about the idea of different personality types. You see the world through your "Ni" which generates "truths" of perception that don't have a clear source. Next you filter them through the "Fe" idea of making sure that they mesh with the people around you. Then you need to bend your "Ti" to build a logical framework that unites everyone's criticisms of what you saw with "Ni". . . . but the logical framework that unites everyone's input doesn't usually exist . . . . indicating that your "Ni" is wrong.

INTJs have the logic of the physical world to validate their perceptions. . . . it has less overall potential for truth . . . but is actually practical, applicable, and understandable by the majority of the world.

My personal experience is that I rarely get external validation of my beliefs until the physical proof of it has manifested in a way that I can show to everyone. INTJs can write equations/designs that prove their theories . . . I have to spend a month building the damn thing before anyone will believe me.




So back to the initial statement I made: It seems to me that the first step toward a healthy INFJ would be to STOP believing that your first perception is wrong even though people around you don't believe it . . . . . however, outright rejection of the possibility you're wrong would drive you into an unhealthy Ni-Ti loop.



INFJ truth seems to find validation through discussion . . . I think it's the reason we all gravitate to forums like this.


B
 
BMatt said:
So back to the initial statement I made: It seems to me that the first step toward a healthy INFJ would be to STOP believing that your first perception is wrong even though people around you don't believe it . . . . . however, outright rejection of the possibility you're wrong would drive you into an unhealthy Ni-Ti loop.



INFJ truth seems to find validation through discussion . . . I think it's the reason we all gravitate to forums like this.
Click to expand...

I find it meaningful to allow my thoughts to be explored, revised, or amended through discussion ─ through being applied to other people's experiences. I may not agree exactly with what others come up with, but their ideas allow me to add to mine.
 
I would say i am.

However, i have been having big episodes of depression every ~2 years for the past 8 years or so... Doing my best to balance things out in my life to avoid these in the future. Seems like every time i get a little better at it.
 
You care how you come across to people.
Too much if anything. It is fine when it just means that I am more pleasant but when I start disregarding what I want it becomes a problem again in the other direction.

You inform others that you when you require more time than expected to make decisions.
This is a definite weakness of mine. I don't really do this and it is definitely to my detriment. Everyone is so fast-paced because it comes easy to them but I end up half-arsing things or making bad decisions because I don't admit that I need longer to think it through.

You communicate your thoughts to other people.
No, not really. Very rarely. Not on anything I consider important, anyway. I have seen their eyes glaze over and I don't like the sound of my own voice that much.

You collect all relevant information before you come to a conclusion.
I kind of get salient information and then take leaps. It doesn't get you good marks in academic places, that's for sure. :eek:



As for the rest, I think so. Mostly. I haven't always but I've changed quite a lot in the past year or so. I am getting healthy again because I've stopped trying to deny to myself what I am like. I just need to stop denying myself around others and I think the rest will follow. I do kind of fear that nobody will understand why I have not really been myself because it isn't nice to hear that someone has felt the need to adjust themselves around you...it makes you feel like you've been this horrible negative influence. In the case of a couple of people in my life, this is true, but for the most part it was because I was placing peers above myself like they know better when I know they don't. I guess I lack confidence in my social skills and I never really understand whatever is in vogue but I am not socially awkward...I just have never and probably will never fit in in the mainstream. I just can't believe it took me this long to realise and I still haven't accepted it. It's not like I even want to be because I would have put the effort in to be part of the wave, so to speak. Not accepting that I don't fit in is making me exist in a limbo because the people who have accepted the fact themselves see me as one of the others and the mainstream don't see me as one of them.

I don't really know where to go from here, though. But as long as I maintain my good qualities I think it will be okay. Rome wasn't built in a day.

This can't be healthy though, the way I am. It has to get better.
 
- You care how you come across to people. Yes, I value my relationships and I respect people.

- You consider other people's input and try to understand their point of view. Yes, I am genuinely interested in other peoples perspective. I've learned a lot this way.

- You avoid obsessing over unimportant details that don't contribute to a common goal. (in group work situations) Yes, I avoid obsessing over unimportant details. I only obsess over the really important ones :becky:

- You judge other people to the same degree as you judge yourself, your usefulness to society, etc. Yes and no. When it comes to ethics and honesty yes. But I feel only an individual can determine their own merit as far as usefulness to society.

- You have reasonable expectations of others. I have very high ethical expectations of myself and others. Is this reasonable. It is to me. My other everyday expectations are quite reasonable. If not, there's always communication and negotiation.

- You tolerate weaknesses in other people. If a person can tolerate and love their own weaknesses then I can too. It seems unreasonable to me to expect someone to tolerate my weaknesses but I not tolerate theirs. Nobodies perfect. Unless we're talking about things like the weakness to commit a crime, etc.

- You don't believe you're always right. I don't think it's humanly possible to always be right.

- You practice effective ways to relax and unwind. Absolutely, although I have noticed some of the ways that I relax and unwind have changed over the years.

- You forgive people and release grudges, regularly. Yes, unless someone has intentionally hurt me. I can forgive them but I don't forget - I keep a healthy distance.

- You look for the good that you see in other people. I always see the good in other people even when they're bad, but for the sake of self preservation it's best to be realistic and call a spade a spade.

- You inform others when you require more time than expected to make decisions. I'm getting better at this.

- You communicate your thoughts to other people. It depends on the thoughts, the person, and the situation.

- You keep in mind the big picture. Sometimes the big picture can be a hindrance. The big picture involves juggling a lot of paradoxical perspectives. Sometimes I need things to just be simple.

- You collect all relevant information before you come to a conclusion. Yes and no. It depends on the situation. Sometimes I just follow a gut feeling.

- You dwell on the sunny side of life. I'm recovering from a traumatic experience that completely altered my perspective of life and people. It's taking time to heal.
 
I don't know if any of that makes me healthy. I just thought they were interesting questions to ponder and answer. Thanks for posting that KIB.
 
I want in. I was tempted to vote no because I am an ENTP but I don't want to skew your results. I think your list is important to consider for any type with Fe, mine included. So I want in on this discussion.

• You care how you come across to people. Relationships are important and self-awareness is important, but too much focus on this might lead you to be more unhealthy.

• You consider other people's input and try to understand their point of view. Very important.

• You avoid obsessing over unimportant details that don't contribute to a common goal. (in group work situations) I might make a comment on them real quick, for the sake of accuracy of what we agree on, but not if or in a way that will distract the objective.

• You judge other people to the same degree as you judge yourself, your usefulness to society, etc. I try not to fully judge people but to try and understand aspects of them. I know that whenever I have an encounter with another person, I am seeing but a window into them, and I avoid making total judgments of their person, but I'll make a judgment in relation to something. I think this is fair and would find it fair if this is how others judged me.

• You have reasonable expectations of others. I tend to afford others a lot of slack. I try and only expect what has been reliably demonstrated.

• You tolerate weaknesses in other people. I've never encountered a perfect person in my life and it is silly to have this expectation of yourself or others.

• You don't believe you're always right. Of course not, and I'm quick to admit when I don't have confidence in something but when I'm confident I expect a good argument to change my mind. Others who can't then make a good argument sometimes think I'm stubborn. I'm more interested in getting to the truth than being right.

• You practice effective ways to relax and unwind. Not enough. Too many things to do.

• You forgive people and release grudges, regularly. Sort of. I have limits and over time my expectations of a person might strengthen in a negative light, and I readjust. They are forgiven but I may not be as enthusiastic about them as much.

• You look for the good that you see in other people. I look for the good and bad; I'm just learning with each interaction and experience.

• You inform others when you require more time than expected to make decisions. Yes.

• You communicate your thoughts to other people. This depends. For one, I think a lot of stuff. No one can be bothered with that much stuff, but if it's an important thing and especially if it affects our relationship, then yes.

• You keep in mind the big picture. Kind of.

• You collect all relevant information before you come to a conclusion. Before a conclusion, yes, but not necessarily before changing my behavior. I have a lot of trust in my intuition as well, but I like to always have a good argument for my beliefs (it's a part of that introverted thinking).

• You dwell on the sunny side of life. I live on the sunny side of life, but I make journeys through the darkness.
 
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