Are you shy?

Nobleheart said:
In my experience, introversion is a perspective. Introverts think more than they let out, or tend to ponder more than they express, more concerned with what is going on in their own minds than the world around them. Extroverts let out more than they had thought about, or tend to speak first and ponder later... usually while speaking, more concerned with what is going on in the world around them than in their own minds.

Shyness is a common side effect of introversion, due to not being able to keep up with the extroverts socially, feeling self conscious, or any other reasons that could be caused by thinking more than expressing. Children can be very cruel, but sometimes so can parents or family members. It only takes one really bad experience to start pushing an introvert into shyness.

If an introvert hadn't had any negative experiences to push them into shyness, they needn't be shy. The inverse is also true. Sometimes introverts are forced into positions where they have to overcome shyness. In either case, the introvert is still an introvert.
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well said. i agree, and it correlates well with what Therefore Chris mentioned, about debate clubs and poetry comps making it easier for him to talk in front of a crowd.
 
Nobleheart said:
Shyness is a common side effect of introversion, due to not being able to keep up with the extroverts socially, feeling self conscious, or any other reasons that could be caused by thinking more than expressing. Children can be very cruel, but sometimes so can parents or family members. It only takes one really bad experience to start pushing an introvert into shyness.
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I think this is a fair assessment.

I'm in a wikipedia posting binge today it seems, but still, it seems appropriate.

In humans, shyness (also called diffidence) is a social psychology term used to describe the feeling of apprehension, lack of confidence, or awkwardness experienced when a person is in proximity to, approaching, or being approached by other people, especially in new situations or with unfamiliar people. Shyness may come from personality introversion, genetic traits, or the environment in which a person is raised.

Wikipedia
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Hard to say what all played into my experience of shyness, but my top two guesses would be 1) being an introvert with a well-meaning extrovert dad who wanted the best for his daughter, but thought that meant her engaging with the world as he would, and 2) a biological tendency toward high sensitivity. No idea if there's any validity to those guesses.
 
Yes, I am shy but I know how to fake not being shy damn well. Starting to fade from extreme levels in public places though since I have been getting rid of the social anxiety.
 
tovlo said:
2) a biological tendency toward high sensitivity. No idea if there's any validity to those guesses.
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Sensitivity is another factor to consider! Highly sensitive people tend to be overstimulated by crowds of people, loud noises, and even eye-contact. This may cause sensitive folks to withdraw to avoid too much stimulation and could be mistaken for shyness.
 
Nobleheart said:
Children can be very cruel, but sometimes so can parents or family members. It only takes one really bad experience to start pushing an introvert into shyness.

If an introvert hadn't had any negative experiences to push them into shyness, they needn't be shy. The inverse is also true. Sometimes introverts are forced into positions where they have to overcome shyness. In either case, the introvert is still an introvert.
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I somewhat agree. I can't count the number of times people have told me not to be so shy, or forced me into uncomfortable situations in the hope that I would magically overcome my shyness. Usually, this made me even more anxious and awkward, to the point where I became ultra-sensitive. The only way I've been able to overcome my shyness was to find friends I felt comfortable talking to. This didn't happen until high school, though, so I still have some scars from being socially rejected that keep me very reserved around people. I guess the more I find acceptance from others, the less shy I become.
 
Introverted most definitely, and shy only sometimes. My shy side will usually come out when I'm in a large group of people. I'll usually slink to the side, and if someone talks to me, I'll turn red, haha.

But, in my love for quiet, intimate environments, I tend to avoid these situations as much as possible. :tongue1: And when I do, I'm not shy at all. Communication comes openly and easily around a smaller group of people, and I won't be nervous.
 
I am both introverted and shy. I'm a lot better at dealing with my shyness than I used to be (it was really bad until a couple years ago. I had trouble even ordering a sandwich at Subway), but large crowds and new people still trouble me a great deal. I have a really hard time just walking up and saying hi to someone I've never met. I find myself wearing a "mask" in public to deal with my shyness.

Because of my experiences, I do think that a shy person can become less shy through practice and exposure. What shyness seems to boil down to is discomfort in certain social situations (and these situations are varible from person to person). If a shy person lives through enough social rough spots, and more often than not is able to say, "That wasn't quite as painful as I was expecting it to be," that person may begin to feel a little less anxiety in this regard.
 
I'm not shy. I can shoot the breeze with anyone, and I can be social in situations. However, I am consciously aware that I'm doing it and it takes a little effort on my part. I'm more comfortable saying less, but I have no qualms with having to be "not shy."
 
I agree that introversion is more fundamental than shyness, just don't be quick to call it 'genes'; we have identical twins INFJ and ENTJ on this forum (and another pair INFJ and INTP), so hm,hm,hm, perhaps it's not all 'genes' ;].

Apart from that, yes, I think many INFJs are not shy at all. In fact they seem less shy than some ENFPs I know, including myself. That's why I think it's more about P vs J, or the i/e of the first judging function. P are more shy than J, because Js are driven by extroverted judging function (Fe, Te), whereas Ps are driven by introverted judging function (Fi, Ti).
 
Nobleheart said:
I am not shy. I'll say anything to anyone that needs to be said.

However, I can be a bit reserved. There are things I just don't talk about with people I don't know well.
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+1
 
I am incredibly shy, even around the most wonderful, endearing and delicious of INTP ladies. I am so reticent in my natures (several of them) that I find myself unable to even attempt to seduce such an intoxicating woman.

I shiver at the thought of holding her in my arms and kissing her lips.
 
Shy enough to sit in a ten minute car ride with a girl I am acquainted with and have this debate with myself in my own head:

"Should I ask her about school? Work? What if I do and then she thinks I'm only asking because I'm trying to break an uncomfortable silence and what if she's offended that I feel uncomfortable being silent with her? I'm running out of time deciding on whether I'm going to break the ice. It's already been a couple minutes of silence and if I say something now it's going to be obvious that I'm uncomfortable with her and just trying to break the ice and then the conversation will seem entirely unnatural and I'll look even dumber than I am right now for not saying anything."
 
Reserved probably fits best, very reserved. In social situations I tend to often just go completely blank but this doesn't result in anxiety unless someone makes a huge deal about it.

It can be difficult not to get self-concious sometimes as extraverts often make a huge deal about quiet people wondering if they're being rude or if there's something wrong with them.
 
enfp can be shy said:
I agree that introversion is more fundamental than shyness, just don't be quick to call it 'genes'; we have identical twins INFJ and ENTJ on this forum (and another pair INFJ and INTP), so hm,hm,hm, perhaps it's not all 'genes' ;].

Apart from that, yes, I think many INFJs are not shy at all. In fact they seem less shy than some ENFPs I know, including myself. That's why I think it's more about P vs J, or the i/e of the first judging function. P are more shy than J, because Js are driven by extroverted judging function (Fe, Te), whereas Ps are driven by introverted judging function (Fi, Ti).
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Interesting you point this out, it does make quite a lot of sense..

Perhaps I am a P type?...
 
I'm shy at first. I almost never approach anyone. However, If I am spoken to first, my shyness goes away pretty much instantenously.

If I am in a group discussion I am one of the most talktive people there.

Ice breakers I am quite shy until someone includes me.
 
I am cautious with new people, but I wouldn't say shy. I just need a read on them, and I'll talk. I sometimes get mistaken for shy, since I usually choose not to join conversations I don't think I can add to or don't find interesting.
 
Jonathan said:
I somewhat agree. I can't count the number of times people have told me not to be so shy, or forced me into uncomfortable situations in the hope that I would magically overcome my shyness. Usually, this made me even more anxious and awkward, to the point where I became ultra-sensitive. The only way I've been able to overcome my shyness was to find friends I felt comfortable talking to. This didn't happen until high school, though, so I still have some scars from being socially rejected that keep me very reserved around people. I guess the more I find acceptance from others, the less shy I become.
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Went through this as well, and yes, the more someone tries to get you out of your shell, the worse it feels. You begin to feel like a personal project and a pity case.

Note to all current and future parents: Don't force your kid to be extroverted. Encourage them to find their connections with others in a healthy way but don't teach them they will only be happy if they become more social or more extroverted. PLEAAAASSSSE!!!!

Pixie In Repose said:
Sensitivity is another factor to consider! Highly sensitive people tend to be overstimulated by crowds of people, loud noises, and even eye-contact. This may cause sensitive folks to withdraw to avoid too much stimulation and could be mistaken for shyness.
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Exactly. :smile:
 
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Your a bit shy.

Your a little shy or shy when it comes to certain things. You may get nervous when it comes to meeting new people, but that’s ok. When presenting projects, you just need to be more confident and speak more loudly. When it comes to your crush, you make blush a little, and come off quiet and uninterested, so talk more, but remember to listen to. So be more confident!
 
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