[NSFW] Around Suicidal People

[slant]

My sister has had 2 suicide attempts within the last year and a half. One thing that I did the instant the first one happened was buy some self-help books about it. There was one in particular that I really liked and lent to my mom who's never given it back called, "Suicide: The Forever Decision by Paul G. Quinnett"

This website quotes it, so I'll give you a sample ( http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ ) :

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.


I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won't argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.


Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. I'd like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you're at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let's hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.




Start by considering this statement:


Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.


That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.




Don't accept it if someone tells you, "That's not enough to be suicidal about." There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.


When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.


You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.




Now I want to tell you five things to think about.


1
You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.


2
Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.


3
People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.


4
Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.


But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:


Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY)
(In Australia, call Lifeline Australia at telephone: 13 11 14
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
Call a psychotherapist
Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
But don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.


5
Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Anyway....the book really helped me, because even though it was intended for someone who was considering suicide, it help re-assure me that it wasn't necessarily anything I had done and it helped me put myself inside of her head. It's a struggle everyday with my sister. Right now, we're actually not speaking, she has refused to speak to me for over a week now because of a fight we got into. I find it challenging because she is able to get away with behavior that is unhealthy, and when I do similar things, because I do not have mental health issues it's unacceptable. She is going to therapy and trying to heal herself and it's always difficult for the people around a suicidal person to adjust to the type of person they're becoming, especially when they are unwilling to work with you or help themselves. My sister suffers from depression, serious depression, and it's often hard to tell what is going on inside her head so it becomes easy to set her off because a person will say the wrong thing and not know it because there is poor communication on both sides of the relationship. I would feel tremendously guilty if my sister killed herself, especially now since we're not talking specifically because of a fight we got into, and I'd feel responsible. I think that's a normal reaction...and I think when you get to feeling that way you really need to see a therapist and talk about it. Believe it or not the people who are dealing with a suicidal person have just as many issues as the suicidal person, often caused by the suicidal person's unhealthy behavior. And it's not to put the blame of the suicidal person persay, because we develop a lot of unhealthy behaviors too in reaction to it. I dunno if I helped or even really answered the question..I just wanted to type what was on my mind and hope it helped.

 

[Kgal]

Well said. I honestly think it's the most normal thing in the world to want to die. In America, though, if most people catch you expressing that sentiment, even if most people themselves will feel it, but not say it, they'll pester you over what's wrong -- or worse, send you to the loony bin.

What's wrong? The world is wrong.

I guess the acceptance -- the act of suicide and subsequent death -- is sort of zen-like. You stop your fighting; you cease your suffering. We strongly tend to see suicide as tragedy, but who's to say the deceased sees it that way, even after the fact? Why do we so desperately cling to this mundane life? I've always supported the individual's right to choose to live or die. Of course, it's much more complicated, really...as with all things.

I resonate with this so strongly!!!

Well said....well said.

 

[Trifoilum]

Thanks, I am. I'm in regular contact with my occupational therapist, and I'm taking my medication as prescribed. I've just made a good recovery from my acute episodes of schizophrenia but im left with residual symptoms and an episode of depression...I'm still feeling cognitively retarded, and i have a mental pressure, like a pain with no source.....i feel like a hard drive with a missing peice....im also suffering from depressive symptoms such as low libido, hopelessness, worthlessness, and poor concentration......but people tend to think that im normal as there's no clear evidence of thought disorder, although my subjective sense is different....still, its really the distance that's killing me.

You'll get there
I'd suggest to focus the most on improving yourself, move at the pace you feel is good for you and don't give up.

Im sorry your caught in the middle of that nonsense, it sounds terrible, you are a great person, I still remember you from around 2 years ago. You might remember me as Next or Oright :] anywayz, you really don't deserve to be held responsible for people who seem to take no responsibility for their actions.

Here to wishing you a convenient solution....

I remember your username Cannot say I remember what we're talking about, though. Sorry >_<
Thank you; I dunno if i can find a convenient solution, but I need to find a solution.

Well said. I honestly think it's the most normal thing in the world to want to die. In America, though, if most people catch you expressing that sentiment, even if most people themselves feel it, but won't say it, they'll pester you over what's wrong -- or worse, send you to the loony bin.

What's wrong? The world is wrong.

That's true; I mean if I were to use Freud's (rather outdated) theory, part of Id is the utmost desire to death, as much as the utmost desire to survive.
For most people death seems to be the antithesis of most things; joys, beauty, pleasure, excitement, love; and the fact that it is a relentless being that will one day get everyone, adds a certain fear factor over it. At least that's how I see it (and some of my thought patterns as well)

I guess the acceptance -- the act of suicide and subsequent death -- is sort of zen-like. You stop your fighting; you cease your suffering. We strongly tend to see suicide as tragedy, but who's to say the deceased see it that way, even after the fact? Why do we so desperately cling to this mundane life? I've always supported the individual's right to choose to live or die. Of course, it's much more complicated, really...as with all things.

For me, as far as other people aren't involved, the tragedy lies not in the suffering, but in the end position.
The people who ended up their lives that way rarely stuck in a 'good' position;
the fact that after that there's no turning back, nothing was successful in saving them from their lives, that anything cannot be done anymore, no further tries are available...that part is the saddest part, for me.
I can see how for some people it actually feels good, and I believe it does feels good..
but seeing that it ends on that sour of a note is...heartbreaking.

If other people are involved, I guess things would be different; they are the ones who are going to suffer.
as some people would say, suicide is an inherently selfish thing; you stopped your own suffering at the cost of other people's.