Attention INFJ Females:

How to attract us

OK, I'll answer.

1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
Actually the Internet is a good place to find us. All the INFJs I know of have profiles up on various Internet sites. Besides that, cafes. New age and metaphysical section of bookstores, libraries. Metaphysical stores. Stores that sell hippieish clothing. Camping, at the lake or ocean, in nature. Health food stores. Movie theaters, movie rental places. Any kind of store that matches whatever hobby they have. I don't think INFJs are likely to be found in bars or clubs, as a general rule.

2) How does one recognize you in public?
Look for the intelligent and thoughtful-looking person sitting off to the side observing everyone unobtrusively. Or, an INFJ might be reading a book in a cafe. I think a lot of INFJs tend to be self-absorbed when they are out in public, so this may camouflage them more than normal.

3) How would one go about attracting you?
#1: Don't be fake. We can see through it, although INTPs are harder to read for some reason.
#2: Don't be patronizing or act superior. This is a big no-no.
#3: Be polite and courteous. Have good manners.
#4: Be clean and smell nice. This includes both personal hygiene and your car, house, or any place that is yours where you will be taking her. If your car or house is messy, clean it up before you bring her there. Also, I don't recommend taking her over to friends' houses that are a huge mess either. It makes a bad impression by association and will likely make her wrinkle her nose.
#5: Be emotionally open. This is a very big one!! If you openly share your emotions with the other person without putting walls up, you will get major points.
#6: Be sincerely interested in what she says and what she thinks.
#7: Even if you are just looking for an easy lay, never, ever give this impression. (And INFJs are probably the worst target for an easy lay.) As soon as we smell that all the person wants is a hook-up, we are gone.
#8: Be able to converse intelligently about deep subjects that she is interested in. Shallow conversation or chit-chat will bore her very fast.
#9: Be kind.
#10: Be thoughtful. If things seem to be progressing well, give little gifts. It doesn't have to be anything expensive. Just something that shows you care. Like flowers etc.
#11: Be considerate of her feelings. Try to avoid extreme bluntness or brashness that would wound her feelings. If you do, she may not tell you... she will more likely put walls up or disappear, if it happens enough times.
#12: INFJs use their intuition and 'feelings' to get information about the world. Saying that this method of getting information is irrational, or giving logical explanations of why the INFJ's information is not logical, is definitely a bad idea.
#13: Be affectionate.
#14: As others have said, avoid 'pick-up lines' and 'hitting on' them at all costs. This will scare us off very fast. The best way to approach is to find some way to strike up a conversation, and then have an intelligent conversation about something, which might lead to the opportunity to invite her for coffee or that sort of thing.
#15: Don't expect her to change for you. If you can't make it together with the both of you being yourselves, it's not going to work.

That's all I can think of right now.



 
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1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet? I like the internet because it allows me to kind of relax. To just be me without having to worry too much about what everybody else thinks of me (although I do still worry). I also find that I'm able to open up a lot more when I'm hidden behind my keyboard...or maybe it's partly being able to express myself in written word rather than stumbling through verbally with somebody I don't know very well. I DO tend to be way too trusting online and I'm usually shocked when somebody I thought I knew turns out to be lying. In real life, and when not on the interent...if you don't know me then you probably won't find me. I'm at a friends house or hanging out with friends at my house...or occasionally out with close friends wherever they happened to drag me.

2) How does one recognize you in public? I'll blend...I'll do anything to blend in rather than be the centre of attention. In public and around people I don't know I'm shy and I'll be the person in the corner quietly watching everything and everybody...those who don't know me sometimes think I'm snobby because I sit back, but really, that's just the shy in me.

3) How would one go about attracting you? You need to be more outgoing than me...how the heck are two really shy people ever going to meet? But not too outgoing or too flambouant. You need to have values and manners...strong, silent types tend to turn my head. To keep me I need to feel confidant and secure around you, you need to be able to "pull information" from me because I often keep things bottled up and won't talk about things without a gentle nudge. Values and honestly are huge. Once my trust for you is gone I don't get it back easily. Intellect is a huge attraction to me...but not conceit, ever.
 
Mystic7 said:
OK, I'll answer.

1) Stores that sell hippieish clothing. Camping, at the lake or ocean, in nature. Health food stores.

2) How does one recognize you in public?
Look for the intelligent and thoughtful-looking person sitting off to the side observing everyone unobtrusively. Or, an INFJ might be reading a book in a cafe. I think a lot of INFJs tend to be self-absorbed when they are out in public, so this may camouflage them more than normal.

3) How would one go about attracting you?
#1: Don't be fake. We can see through it, although INTPs are harder to read for some reason.
#2: Don't be patronizing or act superior. This is a big no-no.
#3: Be polite and courteous. Have good manners.
#4: Be clean and smell nice. This includes both personal hygiene and your car, house, or any place that is yours where you will be taking her. If your car or house is messy, clean it up before you bring her there. Also, I don't recommend taking her over to friends' houses that are a huge mess either. It makes a bad impression by association and will likely make her wrinkle her nose.
#5: Be emotionally open. This is a very big one!! If you openly share your emotions with the other person without putting walls up, you will get major points.
#6: Be sincerely interested in what she says and what she thinks.
#7: Even if you are just looking for an easy lay, never, ever give this impression. (And INFJs are probably the worst target for an easy lay.) As soon as we smell that all the person wants is a hook-up, we are gone.
#8: Be able to converse intelligently about deep subjects that she is interested in. Shallow conversation or chit-chat will bore her very fast.
#9: Be kind.
#10: Be thoughtful. If things seem to be progressing well, give little gifts. It doesn't have to be anything expensive. Just something that shows you care. Like flowers etc.
#11: Be considerate of her feelings. Try to avoid extreme bluntness or brashness that would wound her feelings. If you do, she may not tell you... she will more likely put walls up or disappear, if it happens enough times.
#12: INFJs use their intuition and 'feelings' to get information about the world. Saying that this method of getting information is irrational, or giving logical explanations of why the INFJ's information is not logical, is definitely a bad idea.
#13: Be affectionate.
#14: As others have said, avoid 'pick-up lines' and 'hitting on' them at all costs. This will scare us off very fast. The best way to approach is to find some way to strike up a conversation, and then have an intelligent conversation about something, which might lead to the opportunity to invite her for coffee or that sort of thing.
#15: Don't expect her to change for you. If you can't make it together with the both of you being yourselves, it's not going to work.

That's all I can think of right now.
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I'm pretty sure this isn't coincidence that I'm seeking out how to connect with INFJ's.
I am attracted to hippie style, that's the N?
The book reader in the corner, I need to just approach and converse, that's good to know.
And as an ENTP my strengths are sincere, thoughtful, kindness. But 2 and 11 are problems, I really stick my foot in my mouth sometimes, and well, ENTP's are generally superior, so its difficult to be sincere and not superior, its a bit of a contridiction of terms. ;)
 
This thread has totally made my evening (though I only read the first two pages or so). It reminds me, a lot, of my first week or two here, a year or so ago. I just kept out of trouble a bit more because I said I was here to study their feelings/empathy, hehe, so it lacked the beautiful irony of "I'd like to find a special girl to settle down with. Can you many-people tell me how to attract her?"

still: absolutely hysterical
 
Flavus Aquila said:
Forum INFJ ladies, I think you should go along with the survey (as amusing and odd as it might seem).

Your INTP Fantasy is basically asking for type characteristics - in a very particular area. :) He obviously wants to adapt himself to the needs of our type, when courting a lady friend. That seems to be a noble and considerate thing to do.
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That may be, but does it follow that his intentions lead to sincere and permanent adaptation, or just enough deceptive illusion to catch and keep, with subsequent reversion back to the original?

If you want us to like you for who you are, Just be who you are. It's that simple. If we don't like you, accept that fact and move on. Life is too short wasting it on deceptive insincerity.
 
ok... I lied.

Kwistalline said:
If you want us to like you for who you are, Just be who you are. It's that simple. If we don't like you, accept that fact and move on. Life is too short wasting it on deceptive insincerity.
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*that* totally made my evening.

I should read this forum more often...
 
INTPS are awesome most of the time, but sometimes I wish they didn't feel the need to lecture so often.

I'm way too young for you but just for fun...

1) Friends house, piano room, Barnes n Noble...wow I guess I don't go out that much. Oh and tennis courts, I suppose.
2) As an infj, or in general? Well at my school I'm quite the minority, so it's not that difficult. I'm talkative for an INFJ but I'm not so confident that I just go around challenging people all the time. Only if I'm sure I will corner them. I have longish hair and I make stupid comments when I try to get to know people, especially if I'm nervous. I'm not dumb, though. I just have terrible nerves. I'm pretty awkward if that clues you in. I like to talk about music/play music whatever whatever. I'm quite pensive so I have good philosophical conversations :)
3) I'm not even sure. The stuff that I "say" I would dislike I end up being wooed by. Go figure. As long as you're not too agressive and eyeing me up and down creepily, I suppose it's alright. Don't stare too much, smile, and invade my personal space. I say I don't like it, but really I do.
Don't say stuff that is downright unkind. I typically don't find it funny. Or if you do say it then I'll just blow it off. I like creative people. The typical red rose deal will leave me very unimpressed. I prefer creative quality to monitary value.

:)
 
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midnightmelody said:
The typical red rose deal will leave me very unimpressed. I prefer creative quality to monitary value. :)
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I am with you there! I'm usually just bluffing when I say a dozen roses is a dozen murdered flowers . . . but I like my ISTP father's way-he just buys my mom a potted plant. That way they never die . . .

And what I like is useful stuff. Like the PC my boyfriend bought me when I had an online class and my laptop decided to die. Now that is a gift!!
 
Your INTP Fantasy* said:
Attention INFJ Females:

I have been studying personality types for mating purposes and have found INFJ to be quite suitable. I have lurked your forum to study your behavior. I request advice for finding a mate. Please fill out the following form:

1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?

2) How does one recognize you in public?

3) How would one go about attracting you?

Please return for followup questions. Participation is appreciated.

That is all.
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lol fail.
 
uberrogo said:
What do you mean by this? I genuinely want to know.
Click to expand...

Lol! It wasn't badly meant, btw! MBTI describes each type according our relationships with each other. Think of it like algebra. f(x)= something new for each combined type. When x is INFJ+ISTJ, f(x) = enigma!

Or something like that. :) The "enigma" is when two types think on such different levels that they more easily confuse and misunderstand each other than any other type. I just meant that your statement was confusing to me. It's been true for every ISTJ I've ever met! We don't mean to, but we are the least likely to communicate well with each other! And each type has a different enigma. Dang, I wish I could remember the website . . . sorry.
 
What's all of this? Okay I'll answer your questions anyway.

1) Where are you likely to be found outside of the Internet?
At home, walking around somewhere in the woods (it's not as scary as it sounds), buying art supply, exploring cities, at the movies, sitting practically everywhere sketching, at a restaurant, on a train (I don't drive if I don't have to), at art galleries and theaters, at book shops,vinyl stores, having coffee somewhere, occasionally in my cozy little jazz cafe with a friend.

2) How does one recognize you in public?
When in the company of a lot of people or in crowded places: I'm the one who's not talking and looking really uncomfortable, actively looking for a door or another way to escape. When with my friends: Don't be deceived, now I'm the one who's constantly talking. When alone: I'm the one looking uncomfortable. People also always tell me that I have this worried look on my face.

3) How would one go about attracting you?
Be nice. Talk A LOT, especially at the beginning, because I probably won't say all that much until I feel a little comfortable. People who can make me laugh instantly make me feel more comfortable. Don't make me feel weird for being shy. Here's the tricky part: The less interested I look, the more I am.

And most importantly: Be patient.
 
We need one of these threads, but for guys to say how.
 
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