Being with one person for the rest of your life: Still possible?

Rferraris said:
Wow sorry if it comes across that way.
Taking anything for granted is the best way to lose it. I wouldn't take it for granted.

I'm sure I wouldn't find someone else I could stay with. But I think in part that's cause I can't imagine, understand etc.

But her and I are just friends. Really that's all. We respect each other. I don't always agree with her. But I support her. Getting kinda story book but I want to believe its possible to find a friend out there. It can't all be bad break ups.
Click to expand...

Not all break ups are bad. Its just that the reality of the situation isn't holding up to what the idealists view of this subject wants to insist that it is.
 
Jill Hives said:
Seriously...bitter much?

What works for some people isn't going to work for others. To each his own.
Click to expand...
If its easier to label it as bitterness then whatever, to each her own indeed. When life takes a huge bite out of your ass though... well that's another story.
 
Billy said:
If its easier to label it as bitterness then whatever, to each her own indeed. When life takes a huge bite out of your ass though... well that's another story.
Click to expand...

:m142:
 
th
 
Billy said:
If there is anything I can do or say to speed that up you just let me know Hank Hill.
Click to expand...

You'll need to stop being so entertaining. Then I will lose interest.
 
Thing is, I don't think it takes finding the "right" person or perfect person for this to happen. I think it's probably more about finding someone with a long term perspective, someone whose goal is to work towards a future with someone, who sees what they do as an investment in a hopeful future. someone who sees their relationship as a lifetime committment, not as something that is only meant to last for now. I think if you think too much in the now for that kind of relationship, it's easier to not invest as much or work to sustain it because you can then say, it's not working now, so it probably won't improve or get better in the future, or you get in the mindset that they're never gonna change or you're never gonna change, so why continue. It makes it too easy to give up. I think if you take divorce off the table as this go-to side option which is forever on the table just in case things get difficult, then it becomes much easier to avoid working towards surviving the downs. Not that I think marriage or long term relationships are that easy. Sure they aren't but I think the mindset today of "if something is not working then it's never going to work so it's better to just quit" makes it too easy to not try.
 
Last edited:
Rferraris said:
We are married 20 this year.
Been together longer, right. Like 23.
We both came from broken families.
Her dad left her at 10. My dad just sucks. So no pretty Brady bunch moments for us growing up.
It's not common. Hear people say stuff like you a lot. But its different for me.
Just saying.
Click to expand...


Yeah, my parents have been married for 24 years now. They've been through so much shit together. They've had their share of fights and rifts, went through horrible and tough times, and they're still growing old together.






For me personally, I do would like to end up with someone for the rest of my life and build a family and raise a generation together. But it has to be the right person for me.


I've always been conscious and realistic of the likelihood of that happening though, especially knowing how I am, what I am like, and what today's society is like. I am quite independent in a lot of ways in my life and I have a very fulfilling social life. So, there isn't a nagging need to establish any commitment of that nature out of loneliness, nor did I ever feel the urge to settle just so I could make it happen. I am also not scared of "dying alone" like most people would put it.


But I've recently come to experience and understand how fantastic of a thing it is to be with a partner. I can't really explain it, but it's a nice feeling when you share a bit of your life with the proper person, and there is an ongoing warm and comfortable sensation of attachment that ties you both to each other. If I can have that forever, then why the hell not.



To answer the OP: Is it possible? Yes it is. How probable? In today's society, not very likely. I think you'd have to approach relationships in a completely different way from what today's mores and customs dictate or expect.
 
[MENTION=1669]Cedar[/MENTION] I agree with you.
I think first you need to figure out what you don't want and the only way I know how to do that is have a few bad relationships. At that point you just need to find someone you like, likes you and you both want to be together and pretty much don't see all the shit you had with the last asshole.

I think if you take what you and I said, it comes down to wanting it to work. In my case it's respect, and we respect each other. And I trust her entirely. I mean this girl couldn't lie to say her own life. Just not in her. And I know other people like that.

As a guy, the girls I could have made it work with I didn't cause they had something wrong with them. Didn't like something. But really I don't think I wanted to get that serious. So I'm rambling. Not sure what I'm saying. Maybe I'm just supper lucky.
I like her. We have fun. I trust her. She trust me. Been doing it a while. But we are just friends and it goes in different directions. Sometimes we fuck more. Sometimes less. Sometimes we are really close friends. Sometimes it's just nice so sit in the same room a d not talk. The more intense you love them, the more intense the fights. But we went through thàt and now we fight and when it gets over the tip we start laughing. Just seems silly to be mad at something I would die for so easily. But I'm a romantic and I guess INFJy so whatever. I live in a world where everything is always intense, extreme, serious, and I'm always ready to fight. Come to think of it, I doubt another girl would want that. Lol.
 
Rferraris said:
@Cedar I agree with you.
I think first you need to figure out what you don't want and the only way I know how to do that is have a few bad relationships. At that point you just need to find someone you like, likes you and you both want to be together and pretty much don't see all the shit you had with the last asshole.

I think if you take what you and I said, it comes down to wanting it to work. In my case it's respect, and we respect each other. And I trust her entirely. I mean this girl couldn't lie to say her own life. Just not in her. And I know other people like that.
Click to expand...

Agree, sometimes, people let the past mess up a really good thing. All they see is what happened, and they go into new relationships with the expectation that the new person is just like the last and is only going to hurt them. And I also think that you have to want it to work. If you don't want it to work, then you're not going to try. And I saw this quote on another forum which I think is also important:

"When I said there was no reason for it to go wrong. I just meant the reasons were all things that could be resolved over time with maturity and experience. It's just hard for me to detach myself from the hope that it'll happen someday because of that."
Click to expand...

I don't want to take this person's quote out of context but it reminds me that people tend to forget that a relationship changes and evolves, and some growing pains are just that "growing" pains. They are not necessarily problems steming from issues in the relationship. They may be issues which arise because both are growing up, reaching different stages in their lives, gaining experience, maturing, etc. And some of the problems that people may be encountered are not flaws, but things which may likely change or improve over a period of time, given the time. Which also means that patience has to be key. Of course, if you don't want to be with the person, that's a little different. But if you want them and want to be with them, then patience is key. Some things take time to develop. We live in a culture which often expects things to be always easy or if things need to change that they must get better overnight.
 
Last edited:
Billy said:
I do not think human beings are meant to spend their lives with 1 person. I think its a relic of an older era when marriage was still relevant. Marriage today is a joke.
Click to expand...

I agree. People can be married for a while, sure, but I don't think trying to equate commitment with marriage is healthy, on top of the fact I'm not a fan of monogamy as an ideal relationship structure. Expanding horizons when possible without an in stone limit of one is better. "One person for a long time" versus "many people for a short time" is a false dichotomy.
 
I don't know. I guess I always want a girl that wanted to just be partners. Like I'll help you and I guess you'll be there for me kinda thing. Maybe that makes me willing to put up with more. Just don't like strangers.
 
Depends on the people. If you can maintain intimacy, passion, and commitment you're golden.
 
ImpureHedonism said:
I agree. People can be married for a while, sure, but I don't think trying to equate commitment with marriage is healthy, on top of the fact I'm not a fan of monogamy as an ideal relationship structure. Expanding horizons when possible without an in stone limit of one is better. "One person for a long time" versus "many people for a short time" is a false dichotomy.
Click to expand...
Taking parts of these, I think for most people it -really- depends on how much importance does:
a) security
b) commitment
c) fidelity / faithfulness
d) long term companionship / friendship
e) romantic ideals of long term companionship
f) love
g) 'fixing'
are in their lives.

If talking about possible;
It is possible,
but know that it's not a smooth path to take.
And that there are now multiple paths-- the branching paths are wider now; are less straying than it is different. More well-treaded.

The thing about what [MENTION=1451]Billy[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5219]Rferraris[/MENTION] said is that...to each and every humans, the circumstances are different. It's not a fault of idealism / cynicism, or what had built as it is the distance in between two people's ideals....and what they did about it.

Sad is another story though. I....am sorry, Billy. Not because of fantasies, but because of reality. I hope what was shattered can be recovered; and if it doesn't, may you get one hell of a compensation.
 
Wow, will we ever have a thread without insults?

Ok, so I can see where you are coming from [MENTION=1451]Billy[/MENTION], I just don't agree.

I have grown up with the most dysfunctional and abusive relationship dynamics, but that's just what I see it as. Dysfunctional and abusive bullshit with two people who should never have been togther. I also know a bunch of couples who have been happily married for years and years.

Billy mentioned hollywood....maybe thats half the problem...the fairytales. Everywhere we go we are surrounded by this ridiculous projection of what love and relationships are....it builds unrealistic expectations and disillusions/embitters us.

Maybe not everyone is meant to settle down permanantly, but I don't think that makes it impossible. Also, I think brining up the "modern world" is just lazy. All I see about this so called "Modern world" we live in is amplified selfishness. in this day and age, all it's about is looking out for ones self and doing what makes you happy...no matter what that is, or what the consequences might be for others.

I don't think people should just settle down and get married because they really want to et married and have met someone nice...I thnk deciding to get married is a verty strategic and business like decision. Infatuation is lovely, but its not love.....(which you obviously know) real love is respect and commitment, in my eyes. No one is going to be married for any length of time and feel in love/in like/happy all of the time.

This is why I mentioned lazyness. I think people have too many romantic ideas about marriage...marriage can be an uphill strugle and hard work. Marriage is about saying, I know how hard life can be, and I know things aren't always going to be great, but the thing is, I love you and I want to battle through the shit with you. So, it doesn't always work out....people cheat, people die, horrible things happen, but I still stand by what I said about some people just being sheer lazy.
 
Oh...I forgot selfishness and stuborness. Two sure fire ways to kill relationships.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top