Biggest Source of Frustration as an INFJ

NK278 said:
Mmm. I have way too much experience for my age. When I was about 16/17 I had aaaall sorts of friends. Weird thing was as a little girl, I was picked on a lot. I actually sabotaged my grades on purpose in 5th grade so people would be nice to me because I was a teachers pet and loved to learn. then about 16 I realized the biggest most important lesson ever. When the shit hits the fan, you find out who your real friends are. Even the 2 "best friends" disappeared. I've pretty much been solo in mind ever since. I'm ashamed to say, the partner I had for 10 years after that (we were best friends for many of those years) but there was a part of me even he didn't know because I was afraid but didn't know it. The last 6 yrs now have been nothing short of condensed intense mind fuckery. But not in a bad way. More like I've been unearthing myself. I have no idea what's next. Maybe ill go to Disney world. :p (no. Really. I've never been). Lol! You think it's weird to travel by yourself ?
Click to expand...


Traveling alone. Sounds normal. But usually when you get off the plane (or whatever form of transportation), you meet someone there.
I don't know, it's just the thought of being somewhere...wondering around looking lost. And then if you're unfortunate, someone will notice your loneliness and look at you in that "I feel sorry for you, poor you" look. And then you have to continually look for ways to occupy yourself from feeling lonely.

This is my fear.

Man, am I secretly an extrovert?
 
INFJok said:
Traveling alone. Sounds normal. But usually when you get off the plane (or whatever form of transportation), you meet someone there.
I don't know, it's just the thought of being somewhere...wondering around looking lost. And then if you're unfortunate, someone will notice your loneliness and look at you in that "I feel sorry for you, poor you" look. And then you have to continually look for ways to occupy yourself from feeling lonely.

This is my fear.

Man, am I secretly an extrovert?
Click to expand...

well, I'm not lonely. but I am afraid. I guess I'm complicated. :p

But as far as being an extrovert goes ... I stick with the rule of thumb - typically introverts KNOW they're introverts. They've been that way all their lives. Whereas extroverts can't make up their mind because every human needs solo time to reflect and regroup. That and the fact that going out does NOT "energize" me. It might make me happy and make me feel alive. But I leave exhausted. Also, (just a me thing I guess) but if I PM people one on one, it takes more energy than if I post and correspond on threads. I don't know why. This is one of the major reasons why I suck so bad at maintaining the mailbox anywhere. I know, it makes no sense. I'm not shy and can adapt or rather, acclimate (?) into any environment in any crowd. But I ALWAYS leave exhausted. Sometimes though, if I'm with someone I'm close with, I'll actually "lean on" their energy. Not take it as far as feel more energy, but more like, lean on it so I'll last longer. LOL! I know this makes NO sense! ... If I were to travel alone, I would be happy, but a part of me sad because I'd have no one to share the memory with. But this doesn't connote I'm lonely. I'm incredibly independent and need my freedom. But I also need a place for my heart to rest. So, I guess all in all, I must sound like I'm trippin on LSD now. :p Really ... For someone who KNOWS themselves so well, there is a part of my inner world I just can't see nor figure out at all. I'm seriously a walking oxymoron. :/

Know that .. we all have our fears. But If life had no challenges to overcome .. it would be super boring now, wouldn't it. ;)
 
I am frustrated when I have to explain simple things in a manner in witch even the greatest idiot in the existence can understand it clearly.

What is funny is that people still don't get me, where do I go wrong?
 
being completely misunderstood, misperceived and disregarded. being sensitive. being under appreciated for our strengths.
 
Awesome thread! Very enlightening. I really appreciate everyone sharing their perspective.
 
tendency to over-think things, if they would just go with their gut instinct and bypass their complex mind they are better off most of the time imo

simple people with complex minds!
 
When we try to put our thoughts into words and well... YEAH.
 
^over-think definitely. When I'm not speaking in my head (maybe because I ran out of words), I start to feel-- it seems possible to think through feelings and get something out of it.
I guess this is why our attention and our heads our detached from the world, and at the same time always wondering through it and seeing it in many different ways and learning new things without even experiencing it.

This detachment.. I think it's part of the reason why we are on our own. Individuals. It gets lonely, and even if I try to be with others, it doesn't seem to go any deeper in the relationship. Just too different. They always seem to have to try as well.. But soon enough you end back to wandering. Even when you're with them, you're really not there. And when you get back to earth, you realise that.
 
- Loving every second of the copious amount of solitude I require, but feeling guilty because there are people who would benefit from some company, and I'd rather be alone. It's a conundrum.
- Feeling hypocritical about having people confide in me, but I'd rather confide in my pen and paper. Connecting to the individuals if I want, but they can't connect to me. Either because I don't think I need those connections or...I don't know. I automatically internalize stuff. I haven't really needed a body there to listen. Or perhaps I don't think I can express all that I want to adequately, and I'd rather not attempt it.
- Not opening up when others want to know about me (similar to above). I wear an armour of privacy. I don't mind, but people wishing to know me would mind.

I don't know. It's all one big conundrum revolving around the same issue.
 
Last edited:
heiots said:
- Loving every second of the copious amount of solitude I require, but feeling guilty because there are people who would benefit from some company, and I'd rather be alone. It's a conundrum.
- Feeling hypocritical about having people confide in me, but I'd rather confide in my pen and paper. Connecting to the individuals if I want, but they can't connect to me. Either because I don't think I need those connections or...I don't know. I automatically internalize stuff. I haven't really needed a body there to listen. Or perhaps I don't think I can express all that I want to adequately, and I'd rather not attempt it.
- Not opening up when others want to know about me (similar to above). I wear an armour of privacy. I don't mind, but people wishing to know me would mind.

I don't know. It's all one big conundrum revolving around the same issue.
Click to expand...

I feel very similarly. My only difference is that I want to find someone to confide in, but I feel like I can't find anyone who connects with me well enough to be worth confiding in. If that makes sense. But I couldn't agree more with the bit about solitude. My girlfriend has been getting very frustrated with me lately just because I've been wanting time alone. Don't get me wrong, I love her more than anything in the world and I always want to spend time with her, but I also just need time to myself to feel like I can actually function again. And that is a very frustrating aspect of my life.
 
Falling into the same effing romantic traps over and over again....

"But I thought this time was different!"
 
I have trouble relating to other people. Most people are so...I don't know the word. They're just bland. They have nothing to say except about things that don't interest me. I suppose what I mean is they lack depth and individuality. I don't like surface conversations, and small talk makes me uncomfortable. I usually have to force myself to be people's friends...my only true friend is an INTJ, and another whose type is unknown.

I have issues with men. Not in the "I hate men" way, but they're so bland, like I said above. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be alone forever. I hate dating just to date someone. People think I'm crazy because I won't settle for just any random cute guy. I just can't be that superficial. I need a strong connection, and I've never had one. Some people might perceive that as being picky, but I don't see it that way.

I also hate how I think about things years down the road and I can still cringe as if it just happened. Someone else mentioned it: over thinking. I over think everything. That might also be called obsessing.
 
Last edited:
Under-appreciated and under-estimated by others because we don't put up a fake front. Most people are afraid to hear the truth.
 
I seem to attract emotionally unstable people around me and then when it comes time to cut them out of my life I can never do it.

Also, having to share a 250-300ft[SUP]2[/SUP] dorm room with a reclusive extrovert is so taxing and utdurdyudyucgfjhg jgyniugynioioguinnioggyu arghhh - I just want some alone time without being pestered by a person who just wants to stroke their ego by blabbering about pseudoscience to a person who actually does science.
 
I am frustated by a lot of things:

  1. Misunderstood, specially if your cause and reason is good but people take it otherwise.
  2. Ignored, if my opinions are ignored and I am not treated with proper respect.
  3. Dictated, when others who are incompetent to comment on my decisions which are well thought (quite common in where I was originally born)
  4. Being used, if i had been nice with someone selflessly but the other person does not even care.
  5. Injustice, whether it is me or someone else.
 
i want to spend my life studying and creating art, because thats what my inner intuitive compulsion tells me to do, but almost all of my time is taken up by practical considerations related to studying and working on things i dont really care about in order to make enough money to be able to make art that i dont have enough time to make. yes, its very frustrating.
 
Trying to put me in a box "you are X because well, you dress in an X way" or "you must be a homo because you have an earing". When that happens i usually think to myself if that person is stupid or something, i don't even bother to give them an an answer.
People who act like douches, or think they are better than they really are.
Also my expectations are little bit too high with my close ones, since sometimes i give and expect more, i've noticed that i focus and care more about our relationship than in my boundaries as a person, and when the other tries to raise boundaries or get distant i would feel hurt and rejected, and well, obviously frustrated.

Mostly i get frustrated at myself anyway, because i'm self indulgent, and when i'm in a bad mood everything falls, i can't do anything, i can't hang out with the few friends i have, nor talk with someone that i don't know but i'm interested in. Nor i can do some creative work since my thoughts start to interfere with my concentration, i lose practically all my energy, and i would wish to dissapear from this planet forever. I've learned to control it, but anyway, masochism and being harsh at myself it's kinda the way i function and i accept that to a degree.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top