Can a man be passive in most areas of life but dominant in the bedroom?

[Free]

Wow. Just wow. Argumentative much? You realize that you're backing yourself into a corner and many of these wonderful people here do not take kindly to attitude you like to throw around. If you genuinely want a discussion on the subject, don't treat people like this. It's disgusting and childish behavior.

I second this. It's one thing to ask a "philosophical" question and have a debate on it. It's entirely another to blatantly insult someone whom you know absolutely nothing about and attempt to disguise it as superior knowledge.

[MENTION=11526]Artemisia[/MENTION] You are alienating yourself.

 

[CogentPursuit]

I am not a dominating person but I dominate my wife in the bedroom because then she feels wanted and attractive. This is assuming we are talking about 'leading in the bedroom' and not whips and chains. ;p
Anything too often or too much can be a bad thing so it is not all the time but it is often.

My wife stresses about life and the idea of having control gives her relief. I, however, am confident that I can handle things on the fly and have no issues with last minute planning and dealing with the stress of it. I let her have control because it is better for her emotional well being while for me it is rather irrelevant. To be honest she is the better planner anyways.

Still, I do have my boundaries and when it matters I am very direct in reinforcing those boundaries.

 

[CogentPursuit]

Does 50% of every thread on INFJs have to turn into an argument of some sort? People shouldn't carry arguments over from other threads into thread into another thread and so on. Everyone just leave Artemisia alone or I stick my foot in your ass and wiggle my toes.

 

[Wolfskillian]

Does 50% of every thread on INFJs have to turn into an argument of some sort? People shouldn't carry arguments over from other threads into thread into another thread and so on. Everyone just leave Artemisia alone or I stick my foot in your ass and wiggle my toes.

Actually it's not an argument and it was started in this thread and not carried over from another. Sorry but she's not the one being picked on here.

 

[CogentPursuit]

Actually it's not an argument and it was started in this thread and not carried over from another. Sorry but she's not the one being picked on here.

May I gently suggest that perhaps you need to stop categorizing men and making them into people that can be sorted and treated as samples of what is 'normal' or 'abnormal'.
All men are individuals, they all act in their very own individual way, and they all act differently in different circumstances and with different people.
You are doing men, and yourself, a big disfavour by trying to make them into specimens to study, instead of individual human beings who all deserve more than to be arbitrarily thrown into categories.

When the first reply to the OP is ad hominem or an accusation you can only expect that this thread would go into the garbage.

I don't care to debate where the blame is because that isn't the intention of this thread. I'm moving on.

 

[Free]

In an attempt to get back on track and actually discuss this like the adults we are, let's reopen a dialogue and go from there, shall we?

I've seen this with a few men (and my friends can attest to others). The guy is sweet, helpful around the home, proud to have a gf/wife who is a career woman, and in general lets the woman lead in the relationship. But in bed he is very dominant and likes it that way.

Is this normal among the general male population or is it an anomaly?

Each man is different and responds differently to a career woman or a woman who prefers to dominate. In a previous relationship with a so-called alpha male who wanted to dominate in every aspect of his professional life, I had to take the reins in every aspect of our bedroom life. Yet, the moment I made more money than he, it seemed the bedroom was where he took this out on me. But he was a rather unhealthy individual.

I need balance and reciprocity in a relationship and I seek that in others but especially in a man that I want to share my life with. That being said, in my experiences with NF's and NT's, they actually seem to like it when I take the lead or am the aggressor.

This makes me wonder if the anomaly isn't necessarily these men themselves, but something within ourselves that we subconsciously look for in a mate. Something lacking, maybe, to balance the scales.

 

[Rcs6r]

Everyone just leave Artemisia alone or I stick my foot in your ass and wiggle my toes.

 

[Trifoilum]

I've seen this with a few men (and my friends can attest to others). The guy is sweet, helpful around the home, proud to have a gf/wife who is a career woman, and in general lets the woman lead in the relationship. But in bed he is very dominant and likes it that way.

Is this normal among the general male population or is it an anomaly?

Cannot say, but I can definitely say gender roles are playing here.
A man is expected to be dominant, ESPECIALLY in the bedroom. This can play in many levels and layers.

One might feel he has to be dominant to reassert his masculinity, (thus the existence of machismo and false bravado)
One might instead seek to relinquish his mask temporarily. (thus the existence of cases like the so-called alpha males who are submissive in bed).

And others of variation.

But I don't really think it's normal or abnormal particularly. People have multiple preferences in and outside the bedroom. I know I have times where I want to be the more submissive as well as the more dominant partner in the bedroom.

We don't always stuck in one role for all time too.

It might be good to observe homosexual relationships and their dynamics, because a lot of times they can be either more fluid...or more defined.