Can't make up my mind!

A

ambivalent

Newbie
MBTI
INFJ
I could swear on my life other INFJs have this problem. This is my first post and I find it comforting to find likeminded people in one place. It's great to be here :)

For the majority of my life I have been living in my mind. The lines of dreams and reality have become too blurred to separate them and to me everyone seems mad. The world is a crazy beautiful place at all once and I hate how people are out to destroy one another on so many different levels. The bloodshed, out of control consumerism, indecency, betrayal and lies trouble me deeply. I know i'm not the only one to feel this way but I certainly feel alienated by it to the point where I find it hard to fit in. I'm not talking about being hip here, I mean I find it hard to be myself when the world wants to me be another, and I simply refuse to change because I like the way I am. Even if it means being alone.

Which brings me to my problem. I'm what you call an underachiever. But I don't care about materialist crap that goes on around me. I just want to be with someone I love, but I can't find her. I've looked high and low and its seems as though love and me are polar opposites - I know in most cases love grows between people in marriage but I want it all - i'm a die hard romantic but foolish to the world. Can the world we live in and romance co-exist anymore?

People tell me I have so much going for me yet it feels like I have so much to give yet no one to give it to. I've reached my limit, I feel like I have wasted too much time and I want to give it a go with a girl I think it might work with. I don't care anymore if it doesn't work, I'll hang on in there with my dreams, and my dreams to comfort me. Am I crazy to ask for it all?
As loopy as it sounds, I miss my solitude and I won't share my thoughts with anyone except someone I know will understand. I can get by because there is always my dreams, the blue sky, the laughter of children, the thought of a nice memory when waking up, or the smile from a stranger.

I want the girl of my dreams, or nothing at all. Otherwise I will never open my heart to anyone. Am I silly to think this way?
 
I guess you wouldn't be up for settling then. But I can sympathize...

INFj's aren't the only ones with that problem...
often I wonder if I'll grow old and alone... luckily I'm young and still have a crudload of time.

you should think you do have a shot at the girl of your dreams... because chances are she's just as hopelessly romantic and looking for you too. (how adorable *squeee*) I don't think you're being silly at all because I think you deserve that shot at happiness or at least the ability to say you tried.

You should tell yourself that she's out there looking for you right now every day when you wake up... (so then you'll subconsciencely (I cant' spell) be looking for her all the time)

Before you know it she'll be there kay?

or at least you can blame me and at least feel better if such is not the case because then, I'll be lonely too . ha ha...
 
Don't make the mistake of thinking that there is such a thing as a perfect girl - or person. There are human girls a plenty

Perhaps there is something more romantic and requiring a higher ideal to be able to love an imperfect girl perfectly. ?

Hope you find perfect love.
 
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I agree, with everything said.
 
ambivalent said:
I just want to be with someone I love
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Yus, this is what I've wanted out of life for years, but it took me a while to identify that was exactly what I always wanted. It made so much sense I found it stupid I didn't see it earlier.

As for finding your love, I'm afraid you have to be willing to fail, and fail again, before finding her. Don't be afraid though, you'll enjoy the time you have with the "mistakes" till you find her. It takes some time going through all those relationships before YOU are primed to be with that perfect girl. Experience in relationship is very important. So go out there, and SCREW UP!
 
Nobody is perfect bud, but I dearly hope that the perfect match is out there for each and every one of us. Your thoughts mirror my own in many respects. :tea:
 
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thanks all for your posts people. i appreciate you sharing your thoughts.
i guess i'll keep on looking ;)

Flavus Aquila said:
There are human girls a plenty
Click to expand...

on the funny side of things, I once said to someone "there's plenty of fish in the sea" to which he replied ".. but your net isn't very big is it.."

he got me there.
 
Hey there--- how very strange. I've felt this way for let's see...about 5-6 years. It made me bitter, feel jaded, skeptical. Felt like there was a fount of love inside of me, but so precious, that I needed to make sure the person I give it to is worthy of it. I know (unabashedly and unbiasedly) that most of the world does not deserve me and i'm sure that is the same for you. After all, it's people like us who are really truly capable of loving. (I've learned over time that there ARE people who do not know how. Perhaps they must learn?)

So I shut my heart out of that world---when really, my heart is so natural when loving. I encased it in steel, denied it much for so many years. This year I was almost exhausted, I cried for this heart of mine that so longed to love but could not. But this year, I met someone who proved me wrong. I was astounded. I am astounded right now. We've had so many talks about how our love is. It's something that has healed us of fear, of many many things.

After all of this longing, to tell you the truth, in the beginning it was difficult letting myself go and actually letting myself fall. That's what happens to you. But before your heart permanently digs itself into the earth, you need to set it free. I have faith that you will find someone who is worthy of your love...for what is it that I'm feeling right now? My heart was saved. It exists, it exists!
 
haha, ps-- try it out with that girl. If you think she might be something, give her a chance. That's what I did after getting a peep of his inner world <3 She might be the one to change you..
 
Trust me, it's not just you... or INFJs for that matter. I'm IxFP (leaning S) and I can assure you I hopelessly want to find that guy for me, or no one. Maybe it's a little far fetched :P, but still there is no harm in reaching for the stars. Don't give up.
 
There is no such thing as the guy or girl of your dreams. Don't lower your standards because what you want is rare. On the flip side, don't overlook what's right in front of you because you're stuck trying to find this girl who perfectly fits an outline you've already made.

Maybe I'm being cheesy or the stereotypical idealist, but love doesn't really seem to me like something you can plan for, prepare for, or look for. And putting this much energy into looking for it and turning it into such a serious matter is going to make it that much harder to find. (Also, I definitely think you should give the girl you mentioned a shot. Just try not to hold her to any expectations you may already have.)

And I know I'm not an INFJ. But welcome to the forum! And good luck with... everything.
 
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under skies said:
There is no such thing as the guy or girl of your dreams. Don't lower your standards because what you want is rare. On the flip side, don't overlook what's right in front of you because you're stuck trying to find this girl who perfectly fits an outline you've already made.
Click to expand...

Underskies, great point! I agree---pick up a person who's nearly there ;P There are some things you know you CANNOT live without, but there are some things you can gladly overlook. You'll find yourself head-and-heels in love :)
 
I understand exactly how you feel, frustrations and all. Do not rule out the effects of mere chance and synchronicity. You can look too hard, you know. Just try to remain centered and keep your eyes, ears, and heart open!
 
ambivalent said:
I could swear on my life other INFJs have this problem. This is my first post and I find it comforting to find likeminded people in one place. It's great to be here :)

For the majority of my life I have been living in my mind. The lines of dreams and reality have become too blurred to separate them and to me everyone seems mad. The world is a crazy beautiful place at all once and I hate how people are out to destroy one another on so many different levels. The bloodshed, out of control consumerism, indecency, betrayal and lies trouble me deeply. I know i'm not the only one to feel this way but I certainly feel alienated by it to the point where I find it hard to fit in. I'm not talking about being hip here, I mean I find it hard to be myself when the world wants to me be another, and I simply refuse to change because I like the way I am. Even if it means being alone.

Which brings me to my problem. I'm what you call an underachiever. But I don't care about materialist crap that goes on around me. I just want to be with someone I love, but I can't find her. I've looked high and low and its seems as though love and me are polar opposites - I know in most cases love grows between people in marriage but I want it all - i'm a die hard romantic but foolish to the world. Can the world we live in and romance co-exist anymore?

People tell me I have so much going for me yet it feels like I have so much to give yet no one to give it to. I've reached my limit, I feel like I have wasted too much time and I want to give it a go with a girl I think it might work with. I don't care anymore if it doesn't work, I'll hang on in there with my dreams, and my dreams to comfort me. Am I crazy to ask for it all?
As loopy as it sounds, I miss my solitude and I won't share my thoughts with anyone except someone I know will understand. I can get by because there is always my dreams, the blue sky, the laughter of children, the thought of a nice memory when waking up, or the smile from a stranger.

I want the girl of my dreams, or nothing at all. Otherwise I will never open my heart to anyone. Am I silly to think this way?
Click to expand...


I am in the same boat sorta, i'm pressing 30 and I am getting kind of tired of dating around. I always gravitate towards something real and something meaningful, but alas to date I can only attract people who are... for lack of a better word senseless ogres.

I am done looking for the right woman, I decided months ago that the only way that this shit is going to work for me and probably every other heterosexual male in society is that I just need to focus on building wealth and assets and try to be as much of myself as possible. Plant a flag and hope someone sees it, so to speak...

Here are some good lyrics to the begging of that Alicia Keys song Unthinkable, the opening rap in the remix by Drake is having so much resonance for me right now.

Ugh, Tez keeps telling me he just turned 30
having dreams of being single forever he
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thank so much to everyone who replied with their words of wisdom. i know the key to me moving on is taking a dive with someone i think it might work with. most times i get frustrated with that fact that there are so many of us lost souls walking the earth and it becomes so hard to connect with people.

i love all INFJs whether i've met you or not! i truly believe we are a special people and for the ones who are looking, hope we find what we are looking for not just because we deserve it but because we aren't fulfilled without it. it amazes me how people can live without the need to love.

after all, thats what makes us human right?
 
Yes!!
 
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