sassafras
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- MBTI
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To explain my perspective in making that point, I meant that when someone is really, really into you and they are 100% in, even when their behavior seems strange or awkward, you pick up on it intuitively. You see it in their face, hear it in their voice, people point it out to you, etc. The little games they play, the things they say, it is obvious they're just working up to asking you. It's hard to qualify. You just know.
When their interest seems to ebb and flow, however, and deep in your gut you're uncertain where it is you stand, then the dance is still on. They're still deciding. And that's fair. That's what you're supposed to do when you're dating, after all. Decide if you want to pursue this person beyond this casual flirtation and if you're not sure, there's going to be a lot of back and forth, 'testing' and game-playing. Sometimes this is a conscious process. Sometimes its not.
It's just that here's where a lot of people get swept up in turning the decision in their favor, being 'chosen,' that they don't stop to consider if they actually like the person and if they're truly a compatible partner. Many, awful, terrible romantic decisions can be made when you're paying too much attention to whether partner is taking two steps forward or backward and trying to get them to make the steps you want them to make instead of paying attention to your own two feet.
That's why I asked you if you know what you want.
Good
If you want to keep your eyes open for red flags and avoid accepting bad behavior, don't get caught up in the will he or won't he? part of the dating game. Focus on your needs first and always.
Based on what you've described, really stop and think about if his current behavior is something you find compatible with your own. Remember every relationship has ups and downs, and it's not just how he makes you feel when things are going well. When things are on shaky ground in a pre-relationship, here's your chance to test the waters and consider if you like the way he handles conflict, the way he treats you when he's sad/upset/confused, how he recovers from upsets, and his overall emotional well-being. Behavior like this generally isn't situation-specific.The other important thing to ask yourself (because it seems to me like it irks you a bit ) is if you're really okay with having a moody partner.
You're on the right path if you're considering things carefully and reaching out to people to give you insight. As much as I recommend keeping a cool head when approaching romantic relationships, I know it is VERY easy to get swept up in the excitement. Keeping your goals front and center and enlisting the help of your (trusted) friends and impartial observers really helps temper some of that.
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When he told me he couldn't make our date, he also asked to reschedule(?!). I told him to quit playing games and decide if he was interested in me or not. His response - "Let's just call it a day". Imagine I'd rescheduled! Hopefully, that at least sent the message that I'm not a pushover. However, I don't think it matters. I think he'll be glad I'm gone now.
