Coming Out Questions, I has need them!

My sexuality is a vital part of my identity, and I think that applies to all people of any persuasion, more or less.

I think we are taught that sex is bad, naughty, or dirty, and we forget that it is a basic urge built into each and every one of us. What we are and who we are attracted to? For me being allowed, by myself, to be open about them helps people feel closer to me and helps me feel closer to them.

That understanding makes me feel more connected and less isolated.
 
BostonAndy said:
and so if you were gay you would instictively just be out of the closet. Lying about your identity, even to strangers, makes no sense to you.

thats commendable

ps.. just go there and talk, not give the impression you are interested. I know that people think theres sdirty doings going on at the gay bars...hehe, but there usually is just alot of talk about baseball and lady gaga
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No it doesn't. I cultivate a "what are they going to do, take away my birthday" kind of mentality. I think it is part of my INTJness cause I have always been uninterested in whether other's like me or not. I don't like everyone so why should I expect everyone to like me? As far as commendable, to me, it is just normal.

BTW who the F is lady gaga? Edit: I haven't totally been under a rock but EWWWW I detest such pop culture.
 
Actually, any trait someone has suddenly becomes much more important if its rare, both to those with the trait and without. Sure, it may not be ideal that many people their sexuality is art of their identity, but they do, and for some its an important part. And for them, coming out is an important step, and if they haven't done so yet, it can be a huge source of anxiety. I am putting this on to help to relieve that anxiety.

of the 20 posts of this thread, it has generated 5 question, so, if you please, stop derailing my thread.
 
If preference is a reflection of the self, then how could it not be identity? But why derail this thread?

The question I would ask has to due with what has happened when my friends have come out. Often, they went straight into a usary relationship with a special class of 'man' that preys on guys who have just come out. These guys are often scum. The question would be, 'How do I make my first open relationship a healthy one?' Its a loaded question, but I only ask because of the amount of crud I've seen in that situation.
 
Melkor said:
Being gay isn't an identity. Is being straight an identity? Is a sexuality suddenly more important if it's rarer?

It doesn't define a persons personality or outlook on life.

Thats like saying your hair or skin colour is an identity.

It's ridiculous. Each is his own person. Hell, join a club on the basis of your hobbies, your habits or your history, but not on your sexuality. It's not a choice, it reflects so very little of that person.

Human grouping is disgusting.
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HEY YOU! OUT OF MY FRONTAL LOBE!!!!

"Why does the amount of an item, make it any better? Makes it *rare* doesn't make it anymore impressive at all. *Note, I'm not saying he doesn't have an impressive account, just putting the idea out there.*
"


just posted that like 5 mins ago. love you. yes homo. Get back in the closet with me we got business to do, and I'm a business man when you really get down to it.

Underlined: Spoken like a true P. I personally think sexual identity is everything, and that's not just because I'm gay. I see it influence our actions all the time. However my sister an ENFP essentially thinks sexuality isn't anything.
 
Sorry. Wasn't trying to derail.
I think there is a misconception about promiscuity. Perhaps a question about what their goals are in a long term relationship?
 
one of the surest questions gay people ask each other when they are beginning to form a friendship is.... Do your parents know you are gay? and if so, How did they take it?

It is a huge issue. HUGE.
 
Pftt, asexuals are rare, pansexuals are rarer still, and yet we don't take to parades, clubs and bars like a flock of sheep.

But meh, you're an FJ, I ask too much of you, you're a people person, and you only see a world of people.

Sorry for whatever discourse I caused. I do not respect you for this idea of yours, far from it, but I can perhaps relate to a few of the issues and think up a few questions for you.

I'll make a list and ramble about it in my audio blog if you like.
 
Melkor said:
Pftt, asexuals are rare, pansexuals are rarer still, and yet we don't take to parades, clubs and bars like a flock of sheep.

But meh, you're an FJ, I ask too much of you, you're a people person, and you only see a world of people.

Sorry for whatever discourse I caused. I do not respect you for this idea of yours, far from it, but I can perhaps relate to a few of the issues and think up a few questions for you.

I'll make a list and ramble about it in my audio blog if you like.
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What works for you will not work for the rest, you have to at least recognize this.
 
I know that Indy. I realise that you FJ's have to establish your own, comfortable outer worlds, and that expression is highly important. I imagine you need that dimension of social grouping to even survive as an individual.

It's just so eerie to me...

I don't expect you to understand my half of the coin, after all, I barely understand it myself.

Hrm...
 
Melkor said:
Being gay isn't an identity. Is being straight an identity? Is a sexuality suddenly more important if it's rarer?

It's ridiculous. Each is his own person. Hell, join a club on the basis of your hobbies, your habits or your history, but not on your sexuality. It's not a choice, it reflects so very little of that person.

Human grouping is disgusting.
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Hahahaha, I think I understand where you're going. You have a good point. Still, you do understand where the other parties are coming from, no? Thus, I'm not commenting on your choice of belief. :P
I do ponder, what consists a 'coming out' to you?

Thats like saying your hair or skin colour is an identity.
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two words; dumb blonde. :| the fiery redhead. *not to say it's -good-, but it has been done.*

It doesn't define a persons personality or outlook on life.
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Oh, it does. :) Subtly, but it does. An asexual would never bother too much of this because they have little matter to them. So would bisexuals and pansexuals -- for norms aside, they are all inclusive (pansexuals more). Heterosexual are saved by the social norms.

But a homosexual ; they have all the judgments upon them. what would/should they do, to -not- offend people (what if they're repulsive towards homosexuals? What if they caused me wrong, reject me, hurt me, ruined my life, destroyed what I am as a person?)

Really, you never felt that way, or thought about that?

===

AAARGH I went totally OOT.

As for questions....

Hmm. From Melkor's beliefs I've come with these little things:
To those who've come out, do you ever regret doing so? To those who haven't, will you regret it?
If you can retract your coming out, or ran back into the closet, would you want to?
Whom do you want to know about this? (who are your target of coming out)? Why? On what basis?
Lastly, How important were this to you?

For it's really the best for people to measure their own importance of coming out. Melkor had, and I admire him for it.

From my own personal;
What would you do after coming out?
What's the worst you've imagined after that? What's the best?
 
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